His Humble Servant

 I am reminded of King Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel 4:30 when he gave himself glory for the building of Babylon instead of God. 

Leaders do not build anything, whether a church rises or falls is God’s doing. Any leader who claims “it’s my church, I built it” has a sin of pride. 

Because of pride, James M Boice says of King Nebuchadnezzer, “God caused him to be lowered from the pinnacle of human pride and glory to the baseless of insanity, it was God’s way of saying that this is what happens to all who …take the glory of God for themselves.” 

I find this a bit sobering. As a leader of a church, ministry, family or if you’ve written a blog, authored a book, or created anything really, it’s so important to remember that you and I haven’t built anything. God has given the abilities, the knowledge to do what we are doing. He has brought success or failure. 

There needs to be a humility within each of us that says, “all glory goes to God, I am but His humble servant.” 

Is My Ministry Better Than Yours?

“This has been on my heart for months. I’ve chewed on this, prayed about it, and it just will not let go. Therefore I am writing it out to process it and hoping it doesn’t come across as a “rant” but from a heart filled with grace and desiring to speak truth in love.”

There is an interesting phenomenon that I often see among people. In order to feel like we are doing the right thing or fighting the right cause we make others feel like they are fighting the wrong cause. Or at least make them feel as if our cause or ministry is better. If our passion or ministry is feeding the poor then we think everyone should be feeding the poor.  If we are waging war on sex trafficking then everyone should. If we are homeschooling, everyone should. If we adopt, everyone should. If we are a stay at home mom then every mom should stay home. You get the idea.

I wish I could say it’s only among those outside the walls of the church, but unfortunately it’s not. It seems to permeate all of mankind. For some reason we have a deep need to feel that we are doing what is most important. We need to know we are fighting the right battle. We need to be sure we are on the right side. I don’t know about you, but I am tired of jumping on the latest “cause” bandwagon hoping that this is the right one.

We are all prone to it. Recently I was listening in on a conversation with several people who where criticizing a church for using their many resources to begin a new ministry when there are plenty of needs elsewhere. In fact, in their opinions, there were dire needs being neglected at the cost of this new ministry. I felt their frustration and their pain. I understood, I too had moments of similar thinking, both presently and in the past.

Personally, I am passionate about helping those who live in my community who have no hope of a better life. They are trapped in suffering and cycles of many forms of poverty. They are trapped in the lies they’ve been told and no one is speaking truth to them. I see a generation of young people (outside the church walls) who do not know God. Unlike the generations before them they do not understand godly morals, sin, or even the truth about love. They have bought the lies of the world and it seems there is no one to tell them anything different. They believe in a God that does not even exist but is a distortion of what others tell them. They have no idea who God really is. To be honest, at times, I can get frustrated that others do not see what I see. They do not share my passion. 

But I forget that they are often called and see things I do not. They do not share my passion because God has called them to something different. God has placed a passion within them to go to other countries. He has called them to adopt orphans, to fight slavery, and to reach the utter parts of the world. But He has called me, and you, to other ministries.

The hand of the body of Christ should not feel shame, or insignificant, just because she is not the foot.

Why must we shame one another for being passionate about what God has laid on our hearts to do? Why do those who are serving in small ways feel insignificant compared to those doing big things? Each one of us have lived different experiences, suffered different pain and most often our ministries come out of what we have suffered. What better person to understand the pain of poverty than those who have experienced it? What better person to adopt a child than those who can not have children or who, because of various other reasons have that burning passion to do so? I am reminded of 2 Cor 1:4 that says we are able to comfort because we have been comforted. And 1 Cor 10:13 that reminds me that nothing is unique to me. Whatever others have been through there is someone who understands.

Bottom line is this, there are enough resources and people in God’s kingdom for all the passions, causes, ministries and callings which He has laid on the hearts of His children. Instead of shaming or criticizing others for what they are doing (or not doing) perhaps we should be grateful that God has raised up someone to meet that need. Instead of giving in to feelings of insignificance because I am only reaching one person at a time instead of thousands I need to rest in particular God’s calling of my life.

God has not called me to end slavery. I see the need, the atrocity and horror of it. I can even become angry about the injustice of it. I can donate money, pray or offer my encouragement of what others are doing, but I am not called to go into the trenches. I am not called into that specific ministry. I understand God has called others to go battle it and fight. But He did not call me and there is no shame in that. He has called me, and you to something totally different. Why can’t we understand that and stop criticizing one another for what God has called each of us to do?

You might be a “hand” or a “foot”, I might be an “eye” or an “ear”, but we are all apart of the body so let’s give one another grace. Let’s support what the feet are doing without making the hands feel like what they are doing is not important.

Go forth and find what God has called you to do. Find what He has gifted you to do. Ask Him to stir your heart and then passionately, fearlessly, and tirelessly pursue it. And don’t let anyone shame you for doing the ministry that God has called you to do.

May we celebrate our differences. Let us rejoice in the uniqueness that God has called us to! And together the Church Body can reach the world for Christ.

For the body is not one member, but many… But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be? But now there are many members, but one body.  And the eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you"; or again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you." On the contrary, it is much truer that the members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary; and those members of the body which we deem less honorable, on these we bestow more abundant honor, and our less presentable members become much more presentable, whereas our more presentable members have no need of it. But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that member which lacked, so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 1 Cor 12:14-25

 

Joining these link parties…

 

Did My Life Make a Difference in 2014?

It’s really hard to believe that 2014 is almost over. The years really do fly by, especially the older you get. But what has hit me even harder this particular year is just how fast my life has gone. Truly it is just a small blip on a radar screen. It causes me to stop and think about what I’ve accomplished, not just this year but for the past 50 plus years.

I’ve been asking myself questions like, “Have I made a difference in my little world of influence?” “Am I doing what God has called me to do?” “Has my life mattered?” And so many more questions that I know are not unique to my mind. Questions that cause me to pause, look back, and ask God to help me see truth. It would be easy to look at all the negative effects of my life, to look at the mistakes and failures. We seem to see them much easier than the good we’ve accomplished.

One way God answered that prayer was to arrange a lunch meeting with 3 women who have been apart of my life for a long time. Two of them I had in youth group about 20 years ago. God reminded me through them that I have made a difference. I have had an influence and continue to have influence in the lives of young women and young moms.

I suppose the doubts come in when my life doesn’t look like I think it should. Or how others SAY it should. My influence isn’t always a clos, long mentoring relationship or in-depth discipleship. But it is speaking truth into the hearts and lives of those that call me for advice, or who send a email with a cry for help. It’s living my life the best I know how, seeking God and living out the truth before others. Not perfectly, but honestly. It’s loving my family well. It’s speaking truth and writing truth regardless of whether or not I feel like I am making a difference.

Another place God showed me that I can make a difference is my blog. My written words. Granted, it’s not as popular as some. But I do have a lot of readers. I have readers from Ukraine, Russia, and China which are my highest countries behind the USA. I still find that SO amazing. In fact in the last few months Russia and Ukraine have been higher than my United States readers. I always wanted to be a missionary and maybe I am, but just not the way I thought I would be!

Maybe my tiny little blog does make a difference. Maybe it does touch hearts and make the reader pause and think. Perhaps as I share my struggles in the pursuit of holiness that others realize they are not so alone. Perhaps they see that no matter how hard life gets, no matter how alone we feel  that they can have joy in Christ Jesus. Maybe I have made a small difference in the lives of others in 2014.

As I close this year I thought I’d share my top 10 blog post of 2014. While there are other posts I may have thought were better these are the ones that were most read by my readers. And because they were the most read in 2014 I also have to assume that these are the words that God used to touch the lives of those I will never meet, or never know and yet we have been connected to by the power of words.

I really need to remember that the power of words can make a difference no matter how insignificant the writer may feel. I need to remember that when all else is stripped away I really only write for an audience of ONE and He shall choose how and when to use the words He gives.

TOP 10 BLOG POST OF 2014

10. They Are My Sisters

9. 3 Things I Wish I had Know as a Young Mom

8. Wanted: Christ Followers

7. If Only You Knew How Loved You Are

6. Thoughts of an Older Woman

5. Grumbling Anger and the Kingdom of Me 

4. Obey What You Know 

3. Grumbling, Complaining, and Discontentment 

2. Why We Need the Older Generation 

1. The Sin of Selfishness (this one also made the top five most clicked on since I began blogging!!)

Why We Need the “Older” Generation

Many years ago I remember sitting with an older woman who shared with me that she really didn’t have anything left to share with the body of Christ, except to pray. It was time to let the younger ones take over. She didn’t say it with conviction, but with a sadness of heart. A sigh. As if she had resigned herself to being “put out to pasture.”

I remember thinking how sad it was to come to that season of life and feel you have nothing to offer. I wish I would have thought to ask her why she felt that way or how she had come to that conclusion. I did however try to encourage her by saying that she still had much to offer and I for one would love to  have just half the faith she had in her God.

Today I am sitting here working on my Bible Study lesson as Beth shares, “Contrary to my expectation, the women who stood before us were not beaten down by a youth-obsessed culture nor were they gearing down for spiritual retirement. Their heads were raised high…they weren’t proud but, make no mistake, they were confident….They’d suffered too much and lived too long to pretend to the rest of us that life turns out like a Disney movie.” (Beth Moore: Children of the Day;135-36)

I am of an age that it’s easy to give into the lie that I no longer have value in the church. Too often it seems the younger generation are the movers and shakers and the older ones are being left behind or left out of the work. Maybe it’s just that I attend a church where there really are not any women over the age of 65 and the age demographics are closer to 30 to 40 something.

As I reflect on this season of my life I understand now, how and why that older woman may have felt the way she did, but I want to choose to be like the women who stood confident knowing that they had a lifetime of truth to share.

I am tired of giving into the lies that I have nothing to offer a younger generation. What better way for the enemy to lead a whole generation astray than to convince an older generation that they are not needed.

The truth is they are desperately needed. They are needed because

- they have walked through suffering, sorrow, heartbreak and come out on the other side stronger in the Lord. They can walk along side the younger generation and show the way.

- they have been successful leaders and business owners, and they have learned from their failures. They can mentor and teach from both their success and failures.

- they have raised families, buried children, prayed for the prodigal, and walked through life with a special needs child. They can help guide the younger mother.

- they have lived life in the valleys and on the mountains. They have walked through the hot humid deserts and the land of fertile soil yet still found God true to His promises.

- they have life experience which is different from book learning. This new generation has a greater opportunity for higher education, which is valuable, but books can not always teach us everything about actually living life.

- they have been in plenty and want yet have seen the faithfulness of God.

Yes I want to be an older woman that stands with confidence knowing that her God is not ready to put her out to pasture. I want to stand firm on what I know in the face of the lies and self doubt. I want to live life to the full (at least as full as this decaying body will let me) and know that while I can most certainly pray there is still so much work this older woman can do!

But the reality is, most days, I am too tempted to give into the lies that I am no longer needed….or worse…wanted.

Oh God may you speak truth into this stubborn heart of mine and help me stand firm in the knowledge that you still have a purpose in my life. As I heard someone say recently if I’m not dead then God isn’t done with me.

I still have a purpose for Your Kingdom…help me see it.

 

 

4 Qualities Younger Women Need in an Older Woman

It gives us new life, knowing you remain strong in the Lord. How we thank God for you! Because of you we have great joy in the presence of God. Night and day we pray earnestly for you, asking God to let us see you again to fill up anything that may still be missing in your faith. 1 Thess 3:8-10

I find myself in a surprising place. I am not sure how I got here so quickly, but regardless, I am what Titus 2:3 calls an “older” woman. I have weathered many storms in life. Walked hard paths and steep mountains.   I have grown through my failures and my successes. I am far from perfect.  I still make mistakes.

Quite honestly it would be too easy to think I am done. And sometimes, because the areas that have caused me the greatest failure is also the voices that speak the loudest I believe I have nothing left to give. It would be easy to give into the lies that the younger women can take over. They don’t really need what I have to offer.

 But, in His grace and mercy I continue to grow with the Lord. I am not done. We are not done. There is still a whole generation that needs us.

We, the older women, have a calling, an exciting calling. God is calling us to be spiritual mothers. He is calling us to pour our lives out in discipleship. Now more than any other time in our lives we have the opportunity to come along side other women to love them, train them and disciple them. We can help complete what they lack in their faith. (1 Thess 3:10) We can strengthen and encourage them as they are in the trenches of motherhood. We can help them gain a better understanding of how to be mothers, wives and sisters.

As I have processed through this, asking God what I am to do and how I am to move forward I see 4 area’s that older women that need to be evident in our life in order to meet the needs of a younger generation. We do not have to be perfect in any of these area’s but we do need to humbly be willing to admit our weakness and press on towards a deeper growth.

A Godly Example: One of the first things younger women need from older women is a godly example. They need to see a consistent growth in our desire to know God. They need to see one that runs to God, holds fast to truth and stands firms through suffering. They need to see those times when we falter and forget truth but know how to reach out to ask for help. 

They need to see older women who have learned to refrain from gossip and idleness and aspire to a Christ-likeness in our character and actions. They need to see women of integrity who have learned to handle the word of God accurately. (Titus 2:3-5) 

A Nurturer: A Spiritual mother needs to be a nurturer. In the fallen world we live in it is just a fact that many women have not had the opportunity to be nurtured by their own mothers. Many come in to our churches bruised and wounded. A mother’s heart  is needed to perceive what is going on whether or not it’s openly shared. Mothers need to be checking for the one with the bruises because when something goes wrong or someone is hurt she needs to be able to come along side and help in the healing process. 

We need to genuinely care. Be the one who will teach them how to walk, live, and pray through the hurts. Mothers need to nurture and equip their spiritual daughters to stand firm against an enemy that wants to destroy them, their families and their testimonies. 

A Chastiser: I think one of the harder aspects of being a Spiritual Mother is the role of a chastiser. But older women need to be willing to come along side and help the younger woman know how to act. Some women may need to know how to set godly boundaries in their life and relationships. We need to be willing to chastise wrong behaviors, doctrine or attitudes.  

Many women have not been taught properly from their own mothers and need tender correction. Older women need to be willing to do the hard task of correcting an disciplining in areas of life, but always with love and a whole lot of grace. 

A Leader: In a world where more and more women are leading and the lines of what a godly leader looks like are blurred, we need to be women who lead well. We need to be women who model godly leadership that knows how to lead with humility. We need to model before the younger woman how to lead strong yet be teachable. We need to help her understand the difference between strong leadership skills and being hungry for power or desiring to do things her own way. 

We need to be willing to allow younger women to come along side and lead with us. If we are in ministry leadership positions be willing to bring younger women with you and teach them about that ministry. Don’t be threatened by her youth, her ideas, or strength, instead help her see the value she has to that particular ministry. Yes someday she make take over that leadership position, but that is a good thing. A God thing, not something that should make you fearful to share your ministry.

I know that they are many other areas I could talk about, but truly these four areas encompass much. One thing we need to remember is that while we do not need to have mastered all the above we do need to be growing in them. For example I am not much of a nurturer, It doesn’t come naturally to me and I have to work at it. But that is the point, I work at it. With God’s grace and the nurturing of older women in my life I am learning to be a better nurturer.

We can not give what we do not have. We can not model humility in leadership if we do not have it. We can not help younger women to be teachable if we ourselves are not teachable. Again, we do not need to be perfect, but we must be willing to grow in these areas.

We must be willing to look openly and honestly at these four areas and ask God’s Holy Spirit to show us what area’s we  need to grow in. Then with love and humility begin praying that God might open our eyes to a young women who we might walk along side with and be an encouragement.

May we stop believing the lie that Satan has so easily caused us to believe, “that we are no longer needed”. Younger women do need the older women. And unless you are dead you still need an older woman too. Besides I believe that as an older women we also have a lot to learn from the younger woman too!

Bottom line is that we need each other! So let’s rise up, grab hold in one hand a younger sister and in the other hand an older sister and journey together through this life.

Motherhood, in Life and Ministry

There were days when my boys were young that I was just tired and wanted to run away. Seriously. I didn’t want to even hear the word “mommy”. In fact, I was one of those girls who grew up saying I’d never have children. I did not have some overwhelming desire to be a mother.

 I often wondered what God was even thinking when He allowed me to be a mother. I would grow weary of doing for my children without appreciation or notice. I would be selfish and just want to get away. Why couldn't I be like those other mommy's that seemed to have it all together and LOVE motherhood.

Then God, in His faithfulness and gentle ways would cause my heart to look upon those precious little faces and my heart would remember truth. The truth that He did call me to be a mother. He placed these precious, loud, curious, rough and tumble boys into my arms with a heavenly purpose in mind. Yes God desires us mothers to raise them for Him, to teach them the word and show them the love of the Father. But, I believe God also give us children in order to teach us.

They teach us to be a mother. They help us understand the Father and His love, patience, mercy and grace. So often we, as mothers, get so caught up in trying to do and be what we think a good mother would do and be that we forget the lessons that God is trying to teach us through our raising children.

In those moments that I wanted to run, give up and give in I learned to run to God. I learned that it was in His strength I could go another day. It was because of Him and what He was doing in my heart that I would learn to keep on fighting for my children. After all if I wasn’t teaching them, loving them, holding them, praying with and for them who would? No one. I was the one God called. I would be the one who would lead them.

Over seven years ago when I led me into women’s ministry I found these same emotions arising. I would become weary of being a spiritual mother. I would become frustrated in the fighting for “children” who seemed to not care. Day after day I would fight battles within and outside that threatened to rendered me useless. My enemies, were my flesh, Satan, the world and the very ones I was trying to minister to. The lies, betrayals, gossip and criticism at times brought great bouts of  discouragement. I wanted to quit, run away and give up.

But God has called me, and so, just like when I felt this way raising my boys, I learned to once again run to Him. God, once again being faithful, reminded me that it’s not about me, or how I am feeling. It’s about them, what’s best for them, and what they need. It’s about  who they need me to be – who God expects me to be. I was reminded that I have a God who empowers me to do that which He has called me to do. He called me to be a mother. This my dear friends is a blessing – a high calling. And I had learned that God will enable me to rise above my flesh and do what He has called me to do.

So today God continues to call me into “Mothering”. As I look back I can see how all the lessons beforehand led up to this role as a "mother". The women God brings to me today are broken, many know nothing of God let alone what it means to be loved by a mother. God is calling me to mother His lost children. Children who do not know Him or know very little about Him. These women, these young girls need to see and experience what being a mother really is about. They need to hear the truth, not only about being a mother but about their heavenly Father. They need to know they are heard, seen and understood. They need mothers who have not only “been there” but who are real and honest about the struggles, and heartache of mothering.

This journey has only begun and I stand with great anticipation to see all that God will do. I am thrilled to serve God in this way. I am humbled that He has chosen me to help Him save these girls and their unborn babies. Working in a pregnancy center will bring new, hard challenges I know and I fully realize that there will be day that I will not  “feel” like fighting for them. I will grow weary and feel  like giving up.

And yet, I have learned who to run to and I will rise in confidence of who Christ says I am and believe the truth of what I KNOW – not what I feel or the lies that the enemy would have me believe – I will stand on the truth of who Christ is and the truth of what His word says.

I will think like a mother, sacrifice like a mother, love like a mother. I will fight like a mother! I will fight with God to help save a generation that does not know Him.
 
 
 
Photo courtesy of morguefile.com by greyerbaby

When A Heart Weeps

My heart is heavy. Broken. On days like today I wish my heart didn’t feel so much. I wish it didn’t hurt so deeply. The pain, at times, is unbearable.

There is One who weeps with me when my heart weeps.
My heart aches for the mother whose child has lived the first year of his life broken. He has spent more time in the hospital than at home. She holds him tight not knowing how many more days she has with him. Her heart weeps.

There is One who weeps with her.

A family torn apart. A father leaves. Another family, another marriage falls through the cracks of the church community. No one seems to notice.

There is One who sees. One who weeps.

A discouraged woman sits in the pew. She is considering suicide. She wonders if anyone would miss her. Does anyone see her tears, her pain, her loneliness.

There is One who not only sees but feels her tears as her heart weeps.

A man comes and sits in church Sunday after Sunday looking for answers. He is in bondage. He wants to believe that he can be free. He wants to believe he is loved. No one reaches out to him. No one takes the time to know him.

There is One who knows Him. One who loves Him.

I look around my community and see those who are dying a spiritual death. I see those who need a hug, an encouraging word. I see that woman whose marriage is failing. The mother who cries each night for her wayward child. I see the one who wonders where God’s people are in the midst of suffering.

Why aren’t we being the hands and feet of the One who has called us to Preach the Gospel. My heart weeps for I know I should do more. I know I can do more. But I struggle, for I am only one and a weak one at that.

My heart weeps. It is broken for the brokenness I see in my community. There is One is weeps with me. He has promised that He will be with me. He will be my strength, my Rock, my Counselor.

My heart weeps for I know I can not help them all, I am only one. But there is One who whispers to my heart, “minister to the ones I send you, it is enough.”

I will go. I will do the work of weeping with those who weep for I know there is One who also weeps with us.

A Reminder For The “Older Women”

She sat across from me, tears streaming down her face as she shared her story with me. A story of brokenness and pain. She was a young Christian mom of two precious babies, married to a godly man and yet there was a deep sadness about her. Her sadness allowed me to see into her heart, a heart that loved God, desired to be the woman God created her to be.

I did not know her before this day and yet her story was all too familiar. It was a story I had heard far too often. It was my story. You see she had gone to others for help, but the advice had all been pretty much the same. “You need to renew your mind.” “You are believing lies. You need to think on truth.”

Before she went any further I took her hand in mine, looked her in the eyes and said, “Oh sweet girl you are wondering what are the lies and what is truth.” With tears pouring down once again she choked out the word, “yes.” Squeezing her hand I let her know I understood. I too had been there. I can still be there at times.

I don’t know if I will ever see this young mom again but my advice to her is the advice I wish I would have received as a twenty something young mom and wife. It wasn’t until my forties that someone finally took the time and invested in my life in order to help me understand the lies I was believing. Lies that I had heard my whole life that sounded like truth. Destructive words that had gone so deep into my heart that they had taken root and grown strong. These are the kind of lies that need help to see. We need others to help us expose them, to destroy them and then to replace them with truth.

There are two things I shared with her that day. There are two things she needs to know and we, as older women, need to remember.

The first thing I shared is that she needs to be able recognize what lies she believes about God, about herself and about her circumstances. She needs those in her life that she can trust to tell her when her thoughts are based on lies. She needs  to be willing to open up and share her thoughts in a safe place.

The second thing I told her is that she must read and study the word of God. His word is truth and the only way to really know truth is to know it for yourself. It’s not a practice that you do occasionally or haphazardly but a discipline that we pursue and seek after. Truth comes when we know and understand the character of God.

But what does this look like in the everyday?

In my life I have a couple of friends I can trust enough that I can call them and say, “Hey this is what is going through my head right now. Am I believing a lie? If I am what is the truth?” These sisters consider it a privilege to walk along with me, there is no judgment. They don’t make me feel stupid, instead they just love me and speak truth. They will take me to the word of God. They have helped me replace lies with truth. They have walked with me through it enough times that today as my knowledge of truth grows it becomes easier to recognize the lies. Lies become easy to spot when we know truth.

I left this young lady with two devotional type Bible Studies to consider doing in her quiet time. Both are written by Kay Arthur called Lord, I Want to Know You and Lord, Heal My Hurts. The first one is a study on the character of God, the second is a study on Jehovah Rapha, our Healer God. Both studies help you dig into the Bible and learn truth for yourself.

A few reminders to those who are leaders, mentors, or the “older women”.

 Do not just assume that they know what lies they believe.  Sometimes it requires getting involved in the messy part of life in order to help see and know the lies they believe loving their husbands and children. We need to walk with them and help them to see the lies and then show them what truth is.

Be patient with the one who is trying to see the lies she believes. Some lies are so ingrained that she may forget and will need constant reminding until she believes truth. Give them the same grace and love that you have received from Christ.

Finally, please, please stop telling them that they just need to “renew their minds” or “take captive their thoughts.” Yes, this is truth. It is what they need to do. Most likely they have heard it over and over . But what they really need is someone to love them enough to show them. They need those women in their life that will walk with them in love and truth.

We, as older women, who pour our lives into the younger generation, need to remember that not everyone understands or sees the lies behind what they are thinking or feeling. How will they know they need to replace it with truth if they don’t even know it’s a lie? So let us love them enough to walk  and talk with them instead of just talking to them.

 

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An Ordinary Life

Life, at times can seem rather ordinary.

We have not been called to do grand things for God.

Our purpose does not seem extraordinary.

Our purpose feels so small. Insignificant.

No one sees. No one hears.

We are not changing the world.

Not even one heart. So it seems.

Instead our days are filled with crying children.

Filled with long days and sleepless nights.

A friend calls, we speak words of truth.

We encourage a broken heart.

Mending scraped knees and read stories.

Our world seems filled with the mundane.

We comfort those mourning a loss.

Take a meal to the sick.

We hold the hand of a dying friend.

We cry, laugh and live an ordinary life.

An ordinary life filled with soccer and ballet.

A life filled with grocery list, house cleaning

and cooking yet another meal.

It's an ordinary life.

We struggle with purpose, significance.

The lies of the enemy.

Lies that tell us we have no value.

We aren't enough.

Lies that tell us ordinary is somehow wrong.

It is weak.

It's in the ordinary life that God uses to minister.

It's the ordinary life, serving an extraordinary God ,

that changes the world one heart at a time.

God calls the ordinary to pour out their life and

heart in service to Him.

God uses the ordinary life to make disciples.

Why do we seek to be more than ordinary?

It’s the ordinary life God uses to be His hands and feet.

Releasing a Blessing

You are a blessing.

I  have never seen you.

I have never felt you in my arm

Nor heard your voice.

You are apart of me

blood of my blood.

 

In my heart I carry you.

I carry my love for you along with

my heartache and grief.

 

On most days I rejoice knowing

they prayed for you.

Now you bless their life.

God saw. He knew.

It was His answer to their prayer.

For that I can rejoice.

 

There are days I mourn the loss of you.

I image your smile, laughter, hugs and kisses.

I wonder what it would be like if you were here

with our family.

Tears fall as my heart grieves

…again.

 

Sadness comes, it stay for awhile.

Then there is the pain.

The pain of a mother’s heart to see her child in such

sorrow and regret.

The pain of a grandmother’s heart to know I may never see you

or know you.

 

I pray for him,

The one who released you

to bless another.

He grieves with such sorrow

and pain.

                                                Such sadness and guilt

God sees and He knows.

He promises forgiveness and healing.

He promises to continue the work He started.

 

So today I come, again, to the comfort of my Lord.

I pray that he will heal the broken heart

of the one who released the blessing.

The one whose heart aches

for the loss of it.

I pray for that precious blessing, that he might grow to be

a strong man of God.

A man that serves and obeys.

I pray for his family as they raise him

the one who is now their blessing from God.

 

To My Mother

It’s been quite some time since I’ve posted in my series “The Women I Come From” . There are so many women I have yet to take the time to write about but lately my heart has been thinking of my Mother.

When I started this series I gave mention of her when I said, “ Before I begin this journey though I do need to honor my Mother. The one who gave me life. The woman who took care of me, fed me and made sure I was warm at night. She showed me that women can be strong. They can survive, even under difficult circumstances.  She taught me to endure. These things I do not take for granted. I know she loves me. I love her. I thank her. I am forever grateful for the mother God gave me. If it weren't for her there would be pieces missing. Pieces that would have left holes in the tapestry of my life.”
I went on the explain that this series was about the women God brought into my life to teach me those things my mother didn’t or couldn’t. They are the women that helped mold me, lead me and to help me see Jesus.

On this blog I haven’t talked much about my mother, although you can find bits and pieces here, here and here. One reason I don’t talk about her much is that it’s been complicated and I wanted to honor her, to show her respect and love her. My words would have been harsh and filled with a lack of compassion. So I choose not to share openly about her. I choose to stay silent until I could speak with grace and forgiveness.

That day has come. I noticed my attitude change last August during a visit with her in Florida. She had come to stay with us for a couple days while we were on vacation. It was a good visit. When I drove her home and had to say goodbye my heart was overcome with great compassion for her. I hated that I had to leave her there, alone. As I drove back to our hotel tears came pouring down for my mother. Not tears of pain or regret but tears filled with love, grace and compassion. Tears that come from a heart that had finally forgiven.

I got off the phone with her yesterday and realized just how much I do love her. I love the woman she is and the woman she is becoming. I see God at work in her and I see her walking in freedom from the past. And I realized just how much a part of her is a part of me. Our journeys have been similar, our deep pain and fears shared.

Today I see a woman, a mother, that loves me with all her heart. I understand that at times I have been very unfair in my judgments of past events. A child’s eye sees life and interprets it through a mind that lacks understanding. A child only sees parts of the story. For this I ask her forgiveness. I have been hard, too hard, on my mother and for that I am deeply sorry.

The mother I see today is a mother who is filled with love, grace and beauty. She is filled with His Spirit. It’s beautiful. She is beautiful. I love her deeply and accept embrace the woman she is.
This is the woman I come from, the mother that has given so much of her life for her children even during those moments when trying to live was hard.

Momma I love you!

Note: After sharing this with you I called my mother to read it to her. Through tears she let me know how much she needed this right at that moment. She said to me that I had nothing to be sorry for it was her that needed forgiveness. If we had been together we probably would have hugged and cried together…it was a healing moment for both of us. It was a God moment.

Only God Could Know!

I remember precious moments of rocking, kissing cheeks, cuddling, singing, praying, and just watching you growing, explore and learn.

Who knew that you would touch my heart they way you did? Who knew that a heart could be filled with so much love?

I never imagined that one so tiny could change the heart of a young woman and give her the heart of a mother.

I never knew you would come into my life and change my world?

Even now as I think back over the years and I can’t help but be so very thankful for the gift of you.

Every moment I have as your mother has such precious memories. I wouldn’t trade a single one of them, not even the hard moments.

Moments forever pictured in my heart. Moments of laughter and silliness. Moments of watching you play and grow. My heart is filled with so many tender moments of just loving you…and…you loving me.

There were moments of sorrow and pain. Times of struggling between the our wills. But there was always love, always forgiveness, always grace.

We learned through the hard times and it made us stronger. It made us who we are today.

I made mistakes, a lot of mistakes, sometimes making me feel that I had totally failed at being your mother. You were always so forgiving, so understanding when I came to you and told you how sorry I was. I learned that God’s grace was sufficient for those moment of “felt” failure.

You may not know it, but you helped me to grow up. You taught me so many things. I learned patience, perseverance and most of all, you taught me about love.

There are not words enough to share the love that is in my heart for you even now, though you are adult men you can still bring such joy to my heart.

Who knew that my precious little boys would grow up to be such wonderful young men? Men who still love their momma!

Oh and boys you were! You both were all boy! Running, wrestling, playing Cowboys and Indians, bringing home snakes, climbing up trees, scrapped knees and elbows, broken bones, stitches, running into deer with cars, camping, hiking, bikes, basketball, soccer, track, oh and lets not forget the mud and dirt, running in the creek, falling into a frozen pond and those loud unexpected noises!

Such memories, so precious to a mother’s heart.

Now you are men with homes of your own, with precious family and I am so proud of you.

My heart is still filled with such love and wonder as I watch the young men you are growing into.

Who knew that a young girl with so little to give, could learn to love with such a great love?

Who knew? God of course! He knew that by placing two precious little boys into my arms I would grow, learn and love with a heart that is full. God knew that as my love and understanding of being a mother grew my understanding of God would grow.

I am so thankful for you both. I will love you forever and always.

May God be glorified for the work He has done not only in the heart of this mother but what he continues to do in her heart and the heart of her sons.

Adam David your name means “first born, beloved” and you are my beloved first born. I see in your heart such love and compassion. Always remember that you are very much loved. You are loved not only by your mother and father but you are very much loved by God. You are so very precious to Him and He calls you His beloved son. Thank you for bringing into the mother’s life three precious grandchildren to love and hold. Thank you for giving me a beautiful daughter-in-love, who is an amazing mother to her children.

Joshua Mark your name means “Jehovah is salvation, defender” and you are a defender of those less fortunate, you have compassion for the hurting. Always remember that you are very much loved. Jesus is your salvation and He is your defender. You are so very precious to me and to God. Never forget that God calls you HIS and you are beloved of God. Thank you for giving me another daughter-in-love who is so precious and beautiful. Watching the two of you begin your lives together just warms my heart as I see the love you have for one another.

THANK YOU God for entrusting these two precious boys into my heart. I am forever grateful. Forever changed.

 

(This is an edited post from last year but wanted to repost this year.)

Do You Throw Stones or Love?

A mother has two daughters. She loves them both. One of the daughters has come “out”, she has chosen the way of a lesbian lifestyle. The other daughter is living with a man to whom she is not married. The mother, a believer, has rejected the one. The lesbian.

This mother’s rejection of one sin and acceptance of the other’s sinful choices breaks my heart. Both daughters have chosen sin. Both need the saving power of Jesus Christ.

God says that ALL have sinned and ALL sin separate us from Him. (1 John 1:10; John 3:23)

While I know that there is some debate in some circles, including some “Christian” circles about what is sin and what is not, I believe firmly that God’s word is clear on the subject of the homosexual lifestyle. (Lev 18:22, 20:13; Rom 1:27, 1 Cor 6:9; 1 Tim 1:10) In saying that, God’s word is also very clear about the sin of fornication (to have sex with someone to whom one is not married). (ICor 6:9; Rom 13:13; Heb 13:4)

According to God, both lifestyles are sin. Both hold the same eternal consequences of eternal separation from God. God sent His son Jesus to die for the sins of both of these daughters. His heart mourns over both of these precious creations of His.

What this mother and let’s face it, many in the church of Christ have forgotten is that God loves them both. When we were not beloved, He called us Beloved. (Rom 9:25; Rom 5:8) John 3:16 says “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life.”

God loves sinners. He hates sin. I think we often forget that. We forget that the heart of God desires that all His creation would come to understand that ALL have been born into sin. We were born into the slavery of sin and are condemned to death. We forget why God sent His son Jesus. God did not send his Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it. (John 3:16)

I can’t help but wonder if this mother, if the church, if I would love both the homosexual and the fornicator (well really all sinners)  as God does would we have a greater opportunity to lead them to a saving knowledge of Jesus After all it is what God has called us to do. To love our neighbor as ourselves. (Luke 6:27-35 John 13:34; Rom 12:9 Rom 13:9-10).

1 Cor 13:1 reminds us that if we do not love all that we do is meaningless.

I guess what my heart is saying, FEELING, at this moment is we are called to love, not hate others. I have no right or authority to “stone” anyone for their sins. Our actions towards other’s should SHOUT the love of God not hate. We need to pray that God would help us LOVE the sinner and HATE the sin in the right way. In a way that brings glory and honor to His name. In a way that helps other see the Love of Jesus and causes them to want to know Him.

Do you love others as Christ does? He did not throw stones at the adulteress, He loved her. (John 8:1-11)

What about you? Do you throw stones by the way you treat sinners? Are your words, actions and thoughts toward the homosexual community like throwing stones? Do you judge this sin differently than others?

I pray for this mother, that she would be able to embrace both her daughters our of her love for Christ. Not in acceptance of either daughters sin but simply to love them with the love of Christ.

Instead of throwing stones at the sinners who are commenting sins we don’t like why not throw them some love? The love of Jesus.

Family First

America is a materialistic society. Are we losing our bonds with our families?  …Are our ambitions making us work harder and harder at the expense of our family values?  Katia

This week I’ve been reflecting a lot on the choices my husband has made throughout our marriage. In a day when it seems that choices are made based on money and climbing the corporate latter my husband has made choices that put his family first.

I am thankful that when we were a young family that my husband had a teachable and willing heart to listen to the advice of someone who basically said that your success is wrapped up in your family not your job. At that time he was working 12 hour days and the boys rarely saw their father. In order to spend more time with them he would come home for dinner, tuck them into bed, then go back to work for several hours. Those were the early days of “paying your dues” to get ahead in the company. He paid them without sacrificing his family. Yes there was still sacrifices to be paid, but he was able to have that time to read to the boys, give them baths and give mommy a break.

As the years passed, and the boys grew my husband continued making choices that showed his family was important. Choices in taking inexpensive family vacations, day and weekend trips. Making every effort possible to be at school plays, concerts, soccer, and basketball games.

Throughout the years job opportunities came his way. Opportunities that promised bigger salaries and bigger moves up the corporate ladder. Opportunities that would require more hours, more traveling and moves across the country. Moves to places like Miami, Los Angles, New York. Places he didn’t want to raise a family. Yes he could commute, but that would require time away from family. Time away from what he believed was his first priority, raising his children and supporting his wife.

He has done this and still provided us with a good, comfortable life. A life that enabled me to stay home and raise our children. But again it was through making choices that went against the American way of thinking. We’ve lived in the same house for 26 years, a modest home, and we didn’t feel we needed to provide our children with all the latest and greatest toys.

I could go on, but my intent is not to bring glory to my husband or the choices he has made. My intent is to simply share that it can be done. We can make choices to put family first. We can choose not to try to “have it all” to pursue “the American dream”. We can choose to live simply and comfortably.

I see so many moms who are very weary. They are married and yet they raise the children alone and with very little support from dad. I see children growing up without knowing their fathers and in some cases not really knowing their mothers. Children being raised by strangers. Why? All because daddy, and sometimes mommy, are out chasing the American dream.

I know this isn’t a popular way of life in the world and even in many Christian circles and their will be many who will disagree with me. It’s okay, I am a big girl and can handle it. But so many have bought into the lie that it’s our RIGHT to pursue the American dream and have the big homes, big vacations, expensive cars etc… That “right” has been costly to the family unit.

My encouragement to young families who are trying to do what is right is to keep making choices for your families sake. I know there are families who are doing everything they can and still have a hard time putting food on the table, please don’t be discouraged. I have seen God work miracles in the lives of families who continue to make choices in favor of putting family and God first. I have seen God provide money, food, and things in such miraculous ways that it’s been an opportunity to sing His praises and glorify His name.

We serve a God who sees us, He knows our needs, He is our provider.

An Empty Nest Filled with Blessings

Today as I reflected on my family, my empty nest and what to share God brought to mind my blessings. I am a very blessed woman and mother.

Yes my little boys have grown into men and flown away. They don’t need their momma watching diligently over them any longer. Those two little precious boys once filled my heart with so much love and filled my life with dirt, Legos, cars, trucks, mud, snakes and so many more little boys things. Today they still fill my heart with so much love.

They fill my heart with love and grandbabies, grandpuppies, beautiful daughter in laws and so much more.

So today instead of focusing on the unknown future I want to focus on my many blessings. Instead of looking at my nest as empty I am choosing to look at it filled with blessings.

My nest is filled with two grown sons who love the Lord, their wives and children…and their puppy! It’s filled with young men who desire to pursue God’s will for their lives. It’s filled with daughter in laws who love the Lord and also desire to follow after Him. And it’s filled with three precious grandchildren and a puppy.

My encouragement to other Empty Nester’s today is to focus on the blessings God has given you during this season. I know for some that may be difficult for you are dealing with hard issues like prodigal children, or terminal illnesses. But even in the darkest of times I believe God can help us see even the smallest blessing, if we just look.

 

These are my blessings… 

  

 

Join me every Friday for Family Friday!

Family Friday: The Journey

Each path in motherhood life has it’s ups and downs. We journey through mountains, over deserts, along the ocean and through open fields.
We journey through the darkest nights, rain storms, sunshine, fog, and seasons of Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. Regardless of where we find ourselves in the journey we are often unsure of the next step. We have not come this way before. Each road is new, it’s different, and doesn’t always look just like the path others have walked.
Sometimes we feel so alone. Its seems no one else is with us on the path. We’ve lost sight of those who are ahead or those who are walking behind.

A young bride is fearful and unsure how to be a good wife. She looks around and so many seem to have it together. The marriages of her friends seems…dare she think it? “Perfect?” Yet she feels hers is falling apart. She feels afraid and alone.
A young mom hasn’t been able to leave her home for weeks. She doesn’t doesn’t understand how all her friends are able to attend Bible Studies, get together for lunch and stay sane. She is overwhelmed with motherhood. She feels as if she is walking this journey alone.
A mother of a prodigals is desperate for understanding, but she feels as if she is being judged. She spends her day crying and praying.Her heart is breaking. Does anyone see?
A mother says goodbye to her last child and wonders, “what now?” As she looks around it seems that others along this path know where they are going. They are pursuing careers, going back to school for degrees, they are DOING something. She wonders to herself how did they know what to do? She feels alone.

All of us have found, or will find ourselves in the above paragraphs. Some will find themselves in all of them.
I have walked them all. On each path there is something that remains constant, regardless of how we feel we are never alone. Our God walks with us through each stage. With each step we take He is preparing us for the next pathway of our journey.
We must remember that it may LOOK or FEEL like we are alone but others are with us. There are other women on the same path. We only need to look, speak out and be willing to be transparent.
To often the enemy preys on minds, our thoughts, during these times of aloneness and whispers lies. He convinces us that no one would understand, and that other’s lives are perfect. He tells us we alone in our struggling. He wants to keep us alone and silent.
But we must speak out. We must speak truth. Once we begin sharing our struggles along the journey we WILL find that other’s are struggling too. We WILL find that we are not alone, other women are just like us.
So in light of that I think I am going to spend the next couple of Friday’s talking about the “Empty Nest” path. I know it’s called FAMILY Friday, but I believe it fits. I will be sharing with you what has been difficult, what I’ve learned, and what I still haven’t figured out about being a FAMILY and a mom without any chick’s in her nest.

Family Friday: The Nest is Empty

From the moment I held my sweet babies in my arms I knew there would come a day when they would leave.

Somewhere deep inside my mother’s heart I knew there would come a day when I would no longer be needed. My job would be done.

There were days when I thought that an empty nest wasn’t coming fast enough. The days would pass ever so slowly. Older women, wiser women, would say to me “enjoy every moment, before you know it they’ll be gone.”

I would try to enjoy every moment, to make memories and allow other things to fade in the back ground and pour my life into my boys. Then there were days, moments in the life of being a mom, that I just wish they were grown already.

I loved being a mom. It’s the hardest job I have ever had. But it’s really not a job, it’s a privilege, a ministry, a role of a lifetime. Having your child wrap their little arms around you, and say “mommy I love you” makes the hard times of being a mother melt away.

But they do grow up. They become independent. They leave the nest. They build there own homes, family and life. I knew the day would arrive and quite honestly in the later teens years I was totally ready for them to move out.

As they grow up there becomes this natural pulling away. They become young men. God placed a natural desire for them to want to leave and become “king” of their own castle. It’s the way it should be. It’s what I prepared them to do. As a mom I trained, prayed, loved, encouraged, prayed and prayed that they would grow into responsible godly men.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the void it would leave in my heart. I wasn’t prepared for this season of my life.

My nest has been empty for a year and a half. So why is it hitting me so hard now? Honestly in the beginning it was exciting watching them grow up and move on. There were rooms to paint, redecorate and there was a sense of excitement as they left.

Then the quiet settles in around you. Some days it’s just too quiet.

I wonder, “now what”? There is a feeling that I am no longer needed. A sense of having no purpose.What do I want to do when I grow up? I don’t have an answer. These emotions are new. I didn’t expect them. I wasn’t prepared.

I am unsure of my future. I don’t believe for even a moment God is finished with me. As I seek His path for my life now, in this new season, it seems that more doors close than open. It adds to the feeling of not being needed and dare I say it, wanted.

I draw closer to my God. I listen. I am quiet. I wait.

It’s hard. It’s really hard, the place I am in now. Waiting. Waiting for God’s timing and not rushing ahead of Him. I have done that, rushed ahead, it doesn’t work. I know without a doubt that the safest place to be is in the middle of His will. In His presence. I long for that.

So with a heart that misses being a mommy to my two little boys I wait with a heart of excitement to see what God is going to do.

A Family Legacy of Prayer

A five year old stands by the graveside of her father. Tears flowing freely down her face. What happens now?

A woman standing beside the graveside of her husband. She is falling apart inside. What happens now?

Death comes so early to a father of three small children. He leaves his wife and the mother of his children. A mother that will be unable to care for herself let alone her children.

It will take years for her to become strong. To become healthy and able to care and love properly. In the meantime, the children grow up in a world of hurt, confusion and aloneness.

But they have not been forgotten. There are those that fight for them on their knees. They daily beseech God to care for these precious children.

For years they will pray, not seeing or hearing of any fruit for their labor. Some would die not knowing if their prayers were ever answered.

The faithful prayers of grandparents, Aunts and Uncles were taken daily before the throne. A family legacy of prayer being offered up on their behalf.

A God, who is faithful to answer prayers, would watch over and work in the lives of the children. The five year old that once wondered what now would meet her God at the age of sixteen.

At twenty she would fall before her God and surrender completely to His love. She would not know until years later of the faithful prayers of her family. A family that never gave up hope in their God.

To many there were times when this family may have have looked completely lost. What hope was there for such young ones in a world that seemed against them?

What hope? The only hope. The hope of Jesus Christ and the faithful prayers of a family who never gave up.

For the LORD is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations. Ps 100:5

My encouragement to you today is to faithfully pray for your family. You may or may not live to see them answered, but God is faithful to answer the prayers of the saints. I am thankful beyond words to my grandparents who faithfully prayed, dying before they ever saw fruits of their prayers.