Friendship: Being Intentional

 I am exceedingly grateful for the women God has brought into my life to encourage me on toward being more like Christ. Some have only been apart of my daily life for a season some have remained through many seasons. Both are cherished. 

My prayer for you today is that you have a friendship that encourages you to be Christ like. It’s not always easy, we live in a busy, crazy world, but it’s not impossible. I have found it takes intentionality (which I’m not always good at). I can’t just expect a godly, Titus 2 type, friendship to just find me. Oh sure, sometimes they just happen, and those are a beautiful thing. Most often though it requires both sides to be intentional about reaching out. 

Let’s make this year a year of reaching out to those friendships a little more often. Let’s not wait for friends to connect with us, let’s connect first. Check in with a text, phone call or even a card. (I know, I know!!) 

To be honest I’m preaching to myself. I truly need to be a better friend to those who are always there for me. I need to reach out more. This is one of my prayers this year. Would you pray for me as I pray for you? May we all be more intentional in our friendships.

4 Qualities Younger Women Need in an Older Woman

It gives us new life, knowing you remain strong in the Lord. How we thank God for you! Because of you we have great joy in the presence of God. Night and day we pray earnestly for you, asking God to let us see you again to fill up anything that may still be missing in your faith. 1 Thess 3:8-10

I find myself in a surprising place. I am not sure how I got here so quickly, but regardless, I am what Titus 2:3 calls an “older” woman. I have weathered many storms in life. Walked hard paths and steep mountains.   I have grown through my failures and my successes. I am far from perfect.  I still make mistakes.

Quite honestly it would be too easy to think I am done. And sometimes, because the areas that have caused me the greatest failure is also the voices that speak the loudest I believe I have nothing left to give. It would be easy to give into the lies that the younger women can take over. They don’t really need what I have to offer.

 But, in His grace and mercy I continue to grow with the Lord. I am not done. We are not done. There is still a whole generation that needs us.

We, the older women, have a calling, an exciting calling. God is calling us to be spiritual mothers. He is calling us to pour our lives out in discipleship. Now more than any other time in our lives we have the opportunity to come along side other women to love them, train them and disciple them. We can help complete what they lack in their faith. (1 Thess 3:10) We can strengthen and encourage them as they are in the trenches of motherhood. We can help them gain a better understanding of how to be mothers, wives and sisters.

As I have processed through this, asking God what I am to do and how I am to move forward I see 4 area’s that older women that need to be evident in our life in order to meet the needs of a younger generation. We do not have to be perfect in any of these area’s but we do need to humbly be willing to admit our weakness and press on towards a deeper growth.

A Godly Example: One of the first things younger women need from older women is a godly example. They need to see a consistent growth in our desire to know God. They need to see one that runs to God, holds fast to truth and stands firms through suffering. They need to see those times when we falter and forget truth but know how to reach out to ask for help. 

They need to see older women who have learned to refrain from gossip and idleness and aspire to a Christ-likeness in our character and actions. They need to see women of integrity who have learned to handle the word of God accurately. (Titus 2:3-5) 

A Nurturer: A Spiritual mother needs to be a nurturer. In the fallen world we live in it is just a fact that many women have not had the opportunity to be nurtured by their own mothers. Many come in to our churches bruised and wounded. A mother’s heart  is needed to perceive what is going on whether or not it’s openly shared. Mothers need to be checking for the one with the bruises because when something goes wrong or someone is hurt she needs to be able to come along side and help in the healing process. 

We need to genuinely care. Be the one who will teach them how to walk, live, and pray through the hurts. Mothers need to nurture and equip their spiritual daughters to stand firm against an enemy that wants to destroy them, their families and their testimonies. 

A Chastiser: I think one of the harder aspects of being a Spiritual Mother is the role of a chastiser. But older women need to be willing to come along side and help the younger woman know how to act. Some women may need to know how to set godly boundaries in their life and relationships. We need to be willing to chastise wrong behaviors, doctrine or attitudes.  

Many women have not been taught properly from their own mothers and need tender correction. Older women need to be willing to do the hard task of correcting an disciplining in areas of life, but always with love and a whole lot of grace. 

A Leader: In a world where more and more women are leading and the lines of what a godly leader looks like are blurred, we need to be women who lead well. We need to be women who model godly leadership that knows how to lead with humility. We need to model before the younger woman how to lead strong yet be teachable. We need to help her understand the difference between strong leadership skills and being hungry for power or desiring to do things her own way. 

We need to be willing to allow younger women to come along side and lead with us. If we are in ministry leadership positions be willing to bring younger women with you and teach them about that ministry. Don’t be threatened by her youth, her ideas, or strength, instead help her see the value she has to that particular ministry. Yes someday she make take over that leadership position, but that is a good thing. A God thing, not something that should make you fearful to share your ministry.

I know that they are many other areas I could talk about, but truly these four areas encompass much. One thing we need to remember is that while we do not need to have mastered all the above we do need to be growing in them. For example I am not much of a nurturer, It doesn’t come naturally to me and I have to work at it. But that is the point, I work at it. With God’s grace and the nurturing of older women in my life I am learning to be a better nurturer.

We can not give what we do not have. We can not model humility in leadership if we do not have it. We can not help younger women to be teachable if we ourselves are not teachable. Again, we do not need to be perfect, but we must be willing to grow in these areas.

We must be willing to look openly and honestly at these four areas and ask God’s Holy Spirit to show us what area’s we  need to grow in. Then with love and humility begin praying that God might open our eyes to a young women who we might walk along side with and be an encouragement.

May we stop believing the lie that Satan has so easily caused us to believe, “that we are no longer needed”. Younger women do need the older women. And unless you are dead you still need an older woman too. Besides I believe that as an older women we also have a lot to learn from the younger woman too!

Bottom line is that we need each other! So let’s rise up, grab hold in one hand a younger sister and in the other hand an older sister and journey together through this life.

Dear Sisters, Let Us Love

“This is my command: Love each other.” John 15:17 “Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love.” Eph 4:2 NLT

I don’t know why you have been surprised by the harshness of life, no one said it would be easy. People will be mean, they will ignore you, say hurtful things about you. There will be those who seem to not care, they go about their life in seemingly selfish behavior. They will judge you unjustly on outward appearances and things they don’t see or understand.You will experience times of loneliness and pain. You will face death, sickness and heartbreak.

No one lives long without these things. No. One. “Dear friends, don't be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. 1 Peter 4:12 NLT

Dear sister, you must also recognize those moments that you have caused the hurt in the life of another. You have judged unjustly and caused heartache. You have ignored one who needed a friendly smile. You too have said hurtful things. You have been selfish. You have made the choice to not befriend one who needed it. You have chosen to try to withdraw and hide from life. You have decided to hold people at arms length.

Yes today is a day of sorrowful reflection. A day that reminds me I have failed my sisters. I have hurt and been hurt. I have been judged and I have judged. The thing is, we all have failed one another. We have failed as yet another wife, mother and sister falls into depression, and despair. She is ready to give up on her community, herself and life. She feels alone.

We are all guilty. Not one of us can claim that we have not been selfish. We have ignored those in need of a friend. We all do or say things that cause heartbreak. We are all guilty of not being the hands and feet of Jesus to all within our community regardless of race, social, marital, or economical status.

It is time for confession. Time for forgiveness. It is time to stop hurting and start reconciling. Let us embrace one another with the love of Jesus Christ. Let us reach out to a sister who needs to know someone cares. If we can’t be the hands and feet of Jesus to those within our church walls how will we ever reach those outside the walls?

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor” Romans 12:10

“Let us not become conceited, or irritate one another, or be jealous of one another.” Gal 5:26NLT

Oh Father help me to see the hurt and pain of those around me. Help me to be Your hands and feet. Help me to see with Your eyes and hear with Your heart. Forgive me for my pity excuses to not reach out and serve those who need a simple hug or smile. I want Your Spirit to be alive in me working, and doing the will of the Father. Help me to reach across racial and social division to those who need a friend. Help me to get out of my comfort zone and reach out to those who are different then me. Help me be like Jesus. Amen.

30 Days of Blessings: Heart Sisters

 

There can be no situation in life in which the conversation of my dear sister will not administer some comfort to me.  ~Mary Montagu

Sisters are such a blessing in ones life. Whether they are God given through blood or through a bond of the heart I am not sure how we can get through life without them. Some call them sister friends or friends of the heart. Regardless of what you call them they are those women who come into your life and heart and never leave. They are the ones you can count on no matter what is going on in your life, or theirs.

I’ve been blessed with many sisters. But today I am thinking of those who have blessed my life as they have come into my life and touched my heart in a profound way. They have come along at a time when I have needed support, love, grace and strength. They each have walked on different paths of my journey and I theirs. They are the women who I can still call up and they would be there with an encouraging word and a prayer.

As I sit here listing them in my head I realized that most of them no longer live near me in fact only one lives within a few minutes. The others are hours away because either I have moved or they have. What is sweet about them though is it doesn’t matter where they currently live we are tied together through our bond and continuing journey together. While some I have already written about in my series “The Women I Come From” and others I will still write about I wanted to take this time to list, them and say thank you.

Thank you for sticking by me when I needed you. Thank you for allowing me into your heart and life. I want you to know that even today I still carry you in my heart. You are apart of me, the woman I have become. I thank you for not letting our relationship be one sided but it’s been a journey together, knowing we can count on each other.

Listing them in the order they came into my life these, my sweet sister friends, in one way or another have changed me. They helped me grow spiritually, emotionally and in so many other ways. The first sister would have to be my blood sister. Sheila is apart of me. I share with her the experiences of growing up, heartaches, and losses.  Through childhood I don’t know what I would have done with out her love, support and even our sibling rivalry. These women, Gina, Ann, Jill, Sally and Eileen have changed me in profound ways. They are women who are still, regardless of distance, in my life. They came and never left.

There is a quote by Maya Angelou that says “I don't believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers.  It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage.  Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at.”

Heart sisters are those women who work at the relationship to stay connected. It goes both ways. We both make the effort to not let too much time go by that we are not connected. It’s an open honest relationship where the masks and walls have been removed and we can be ourselves.

Today and everyday I am blessed by you.

Oh Father I pray that I might be a better friend to these you have brought into my life and heart.

Embracing the Introvert Inside Me

This blog comes from a recent conversation with someone who feels I have become a “hermit” and withdrawn from community. So I sat down to evaluate my life. It’s taken a couple of weeks of processing a lone but here is what I see about myself.

I am sharing it here because what I realized is that there may be others trying to “fit in” or “fix themselves” when there is nothing broken. :-)

The last couple of years, since being unemployed, God has taken me on an amazing journey of self discovery. He has given me a better picture of who He has created me to be, not just in the spiritual, but also in the emotional.

Much of my blog in the past two years I have shared the spiritual journey. A journey that has led to a fuller healing of abuse and abandonment. A journey that has helped me understand truly who I am BECAUSE of Christ and who I am IN Christ.

I’ve learned to speak truth to myself instead of believing lies. I’ve learned to study for myself in a deeper way. And I’ve come to understand that God has created me for a special purpose and I will not be content until I am in the center of God’s will for my life. Today I am finding that the better I understand how I am wired the better I am able to see just how God is using me.

I have come to see that my life is not going to look like everyone else. And that is okay. God created me (and you) to be unique and to try to fit myself into a certain mold or to try to be just like someone else would be to deny who God created me to be.

So, for what it’s worth, here is what I know about me…

It seems to me that I am often misunderstood. I sure I can get a lot of people agreeing with me here as many of us feel the same! Amen?  I have heard a lot of people describe me in ways that I would not.

There are those that tend to think that I should some how be able to join them in living life “out loud” or stop “being SO serious” all the time. They  think that somehow I should be able “fix myself in order to “fit in”.  Can I just say that I have tried it and “It’s exhausting!”  I don’t know all you extroverts to it…but then God wired you that way and it’s good.

Please understand I am not shy, but I am an introvert. I do love to talk. Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert.  Being shy is usually based on a fear of people and I am not afraid to talk. I just need a reason to talk!

I am not always going to interact for the sake of interacting. I do not like small talk. So if you want to talk just start talking. I  can and do interact with others, I am just not going to initiate small talk. Usually I am quiet unless I feel I have something to contribute to the conversation. I am not quiet because I am upset, or something is wrong. I am not trying to ignore anyone. I just have nothing of value to add.

On the other hand, engage with me on a topic I am passionate about  and I may not shut up!!!

I am not rude, mean or dislike people. I wish I had a dime for every time I have heard that I’ve ignored someone or was rude, mean etc. It’s not who I am or even want to be. But I do understand that sometimes it can appear that way, especially to those who may be insecure or are extroverts and think everyone should be the same.

To be honest I just find all the social small talk tiring and often insincere.  It’s exhausting and I DO work at it, but it doesn’t just come natural.

Why should I ask you how you are if all you are going to say is “fine”, whether you are or not? And why in the world would you ask me how I am if you don’t care to listen to my answer? 

Please understand. I get it. I get that we are to ask the questions and I do participate, but at the same time it can become difficult because it all just seems so insincere.

I really do have friends. This is an area I’ve come to an even deeper understanding of recently. I intensely value my close friends. In fact if you are a close friend you need to understand that I will be loyal for life. I recognize that I will not have a large group of friends, currently I have less than a hand full of close dear friends. It’s enough.

I also have friends that I just enjoying being around. I care about them, love them and want to sit and hear their hearts. I want to know what God is doing in their lives. I want to encourage them, be there for them.

I don’t always like to be alone. While I am perfectly comfortable with my thoughts. I do think a lot. Write. Read. Get involved in solitary projects. But, I also get very lonely when I don’t have anyone to share or process with. I often desire to have that one authentic and sincere connection with another person. 

 I DO know how to relax and have fun. Really I do! But being in public with lots of noise and other social activities, for long periods of time, will cause me to become overloaded. I will shut down.

For me relaxing is being at home or taking a walk, sitting with a friend over coffee. It doesn’t mean I can not relax and have fun in large groups, it just means that instead of being energized by all the activity it will drain me. I am more energized in smaller more intimate settings.

To me having fun is opening up God’s word and digging deep. Talking with someone about what God is teaching them. It’s fun to sit and listen to someone’s story…to their heart. I want to be able to connect deeply with others.

And finally, No I can’t just “fix it” and become an Extrovert. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. I don’t need to “fix it”. Imagine for a moment what the world would be like without us. Typically Introverts are your scientists, musicians, artists, poets, writers, pastors and theologians.

Besides it is how God created me, and it’s a good thing.

Mentor:It’s Who You Are, Not what You Do

In recent years mentoring has become a hot topic, not just in the church but also in business. Why? Because mentoring works.

There is no better why to learn something then by having someone walk along side you helping, encouraging, modeling and teaching you. You can have all the book knowledge there is to have but until you actually put it into practice in the real world it’s just knowledge.

Do a search on the internet and you’ll find all kinds of thoughts, theology and programs on mentoring. Seems everyone has an idea of how it should look, or what it is. (Including me!) So I thought I’d share what I’ve come to believe is most important about mentoring.

Imagine a body of believers where you find the older supporting, counseling, teaching, mentoring the younger. Mentors who saw potential in the younger generation and were willing to share their wisdom and love. A place that you can fail and make mistakes and not be judged but be loved and encouraged to pick yourself up and continue your journey, learning from your failure. 

Imagine a place that others cheered you on to be the best that God created you to be. A place where you were taught to know God for yourself by studying His word for yourself. A place where deep, intimate, soul searching life and relationships happen. A place that would be “as iron sharpens iron” and a willingness to confront issues in love. Imagine a place where nothing was more important than to train up spiritual leaders who are mature in there faith, who know, live and believe truth and were willing to pour their lives into others. A place where leaders where made so that they could in turn go out and lead others to an intimate relationship with their Creator.

“So often though we find people encouraged to participate in church services and programs, Bible studies, para-church organizations, or evangelistic ministries in order to bolster his or her faith and “grow strong in the Lord.” The theory is that more teaching from God’s Word plus more ministry participation equals more spiritual maturity.” (Kreider)* 

I think it just makes me busy and tired.

I mean all these things are important but the reality is that in many cases after you’ve listened to a sermon, read books, go to conferences and bible studies there is still a void. There is still a feeling of aloneness. Why? Because what we really crave, and need is relationship.

We need deeply intimate, nurturing relationships with one another that cause us to grow deep into our relationship with Christ. We need relationship that encourage each other to grow up spiritually. But so often we become “fat spiritually and fail to interpret what he or she is learning so that he or she can pass it on to others. This person doesn’t know how to meaningfully and sacrificially impart his or her life to others because he or she has never been properly parented. Without a role model, he or she remains a spiritual infant, needing to be spoon-fed by the pastor or other Christian worker.” (Kreider)*

I believe there are a lot of spiritually fat believers who are failing to become involved in other’s life in a deep and personal way. We, as those who are spiritually mature, need to help those younger know God for themselves. We need people who are willing to get messy in the relationships of life and walk along side of those who are struggling or failing in their walk.

We don’t need to point them to programs but to Christ and how to grow in the word and their relationship with God. We need to help them know God for themselves. In other words we need to teach them “how to” study God’s word for themselves. We need to teach them “how to” grow not just tell them they need to grow up.

We do need to grow up spiritually. But just telling someone to do so is just pointless. Or my personal favorite, hand them a book and say “read this”.  Honestly it is very hard to do when so often we are left to our own devices. Reading a book, going to a bible study, or sitting in a pew is not, in and of itself, going to help anyone grow up spiritually. It takes getting involved in one another’s lives and allowing other’s to know our real selves.

Many of you are thinking, “who has time?” And it’s true, in the world today we are busier than ever. I think we have allowed the enemy to do his job well in keeping us so busy that we often find ourselves isolated. And let me tell you, from one who has tried, it is VERY difficult to live life by ourselves. I mean we would never expect a child to raise her self and yet that is, through our actions (or lack of them) what we are saying to the younger generation.

The answer to mentoring is not more programs, books, or conferences it’s just getting out there and doing it. It’s living life along side one another. Mentoring is not something you do it’s a way of life. It’s who you are.

You are a mentor. We all are mentors to someone. We just need to go out there and begin pouring out the life and love of Jesus into others.

How will you help someone today to know God in a deeper way? How will you come along someone and be Jesus “with skin on” in order to encourage them toward spiritual maturity?

Each day is an opportunity to mentor someone…

What for my next post on “Why We Don’t Want to Mentor”

*Authentic Spiritual Mentoring; Nurturing Believers Toward Spiritual Maturity. Author, Larry Kreider; Published by Regal from Gospel Light, 2008

Girl, Let’s Raise the Roof

Be glad in the LORD and rejoice, you righteous ones ; And shout for joy, all you who are upright in heart.  Psalms 32:11

When was the last time you just laughed? For some of you the answer is easy for it happens often. But for those who tend to be deep thinkers or serious types the answer might be a bit harder. If you take life too serious it’s often hard to laugh about it. 

Being married to my husband has taught me to see the lighter side of things. When we were first married most of our arguments centered on him not being serious enough! Through the years I have learned the importance of taking the time to laugh – I mean really laugh. To share joyful times together.

But lately I have forgotten. I don’t laugh much anymore. I don’t know exactly why. I mean really life is too serious, who has time to laugh? Who has time to sit with a friend, a child or your husband with the purpose of just sharing joy in one another?

Life is too busy for joy! Okay, so maybe not but it does often appear that way.

But I wonder – what was Jesus like? He was busy. He had a very serious mission. He was single-minded in His purpose. He knew what His Father had called him to and was very serious about saving and setting free mankind. But do you think He ever laughed? Did Jesus and His followers ever just sit around the fire and rejoice in one another?

I’d like to think so. In fact did you know that the word joy is in the Bible over 170 times and rejoice is in their over 145 times? I didn’t do an in-depth study of them all but did read over many of them. Most often we are reminded that we are to have joy in the Lord and rejoice TOGETHER over what He has done in our lives. We are to encourage, and share our joy together.

So when I say when was the last time you just had fun, I do mean when was the last time you raised the roof with a girlfriend over what God was doing in your life? When was the last time you celebrated with someone over what God was teaching you?

I could be wrong for I honestly haven’t really studied this, but I don’t think God intended us to be all serious about our work and not celebrate all He is doing. It’s time to laugh, to rejoice in what God has done in our lives. Let us celebrate together.

I have forgotten.

It’s been awhile since I’ve had time to just sit with a sister and share in the joy of what God is doing in our lives. The reality is life’s circumstances has made it difficult to connect, to share, and to celebrate together.

I think it’s time to find the time again.

How Many Connectors Do You Have?

 

Some where along my life I remember hearing (or reading) that our relationships are like Legos. Some of us have lots of connectors; some only have few. But once our connectors are full, our capacity for close and significant relationships become overloaded. I honestly don’t remember any more that was said, but recently I’ve been thinking, How many connectors do I have? How many can I handle before my connectors are full?

I think that often when we don’t know our limits we can become overloaded in our friendships and try to maintain more than we can emotionally handle.

Once all our connectors are full we can still be friendly, but we can not connect, at least not on any deep emotional level. It’s really impossible because we are already relationally full. I think if we understand this about ourselves it would be most helpful in our relationship with those we come into contact with.

For example, the older I get the more I understand how many women I can connect with on a deep, personal level at a time. To add anyone new will  most likely cause a “connector” to overload. I only have so much time and energy to pour consistently and purposefully into other’s lives. To extend myself beyond my ability to connect on a close and significant level will eventually effect the quality of the relationships, including my husband.

A potential problem would be that those coming into my life hoping to develop significant relationships could be disappointed when I don’t meet their expectations. Because I am already at my relational limit so to speak the only way I can make room for another significant relationship is to back away from an existing one.

Backing away does happen naturally but it’s not something you should force. To force the end of a relationship is hurtful and honestly just doesn’t make any sense.

So what should I do if my connectors are full?

I don’t know if it’s maturity or that I am approaching 50 that I have just come to the point that I have to be completely honest.  I meet a woman and I sense that she is wanting more from me that I can give I am just honest with her. In most cases she does understand, there are however a few that will be hurt or think I am mean, or whatever. I have even had a few women who just back away and don’t speak to me.

But honestly I think it’s much kinder to be open and honest up front so that if they are looking for a new “BFF”, a kindred spirit, or whatever, they will know that I am probably not the person. My connectors are full.

I am have become a firm believer that it is God and God alone that will bring into my life those women who will be close, intentional and deep parts of my life. They will be apart of my life for as long as God allows. I find that it is God that moves those deep relationship in and out of my life. It just happens. I don’t go looking to “drop” my close friends and I don’t go out looking for them either. God adds and takes away as HE sees fit. I wonder sometimes can we trust God in that? I don’t particularly like it when God begins the process of taking away. But history shows me it’s always for my good and when I have a connector that is empty He will bring someone into my life.

Before I end this I just have to say something though for all of us women to think about. When it comes to friendships with women can we just stop acting like little girls? Why is it that if you can’t be a “BFF” with someone that we automatically claim they are cliquish? Or unfriendly? Or stuck up?

Can we just grow up and understand that we all have limited time and emotions? We can be friends. We can talk, meet for coffee from time to time, we can have fun together, but if a persons connectors are full they probably are not going to be your new “BFF”. It will be almost impossible for them to go any deeper into the friendship. And we need to be okay with that. It’s not personal, they are just full.

If they currently at their limit when it comes to relationships don’t take it personally. It’s not that they don’t like you. In fact, most likely they love you. They care deeply about you and will pray for/with you when you ask. But to ask them to add another person they are responsible to (or for) on any kind of deeper level is being unfair to them, and you.

What about you? Do you know what kind of Lego you are? I think I am about a four. For me to have more than four close intimate relationships, including my husband, is just too much for me. To try to have more than that I begin to disappoint those I am connected to.

One final thought. I think there are seasons in our life when our “connectors” really don’t allow for much connecting apart from raising our children, or taking care of a parent. We need to understand not only the season we are in but the season that our friends are in. Understanding the seasons will help us understand why they may not have time to connect with us on any kind of deep level. So instead of getting hurt or upset we need to just love them.

Would love to hear your thoughts!

linking up with…

 

Lemonade and a Renewed Mind

If you didn’t read Life, Lemons and Truth you might want to read that post prior to reading this one. This post is a follow up to the first one where asked, “What good does it do a person to tell them to take the lemons of life and make lemonade if they don’t know the first thing about making lemonade?” I then compared that to telling someone that they need to “renew their mind” or “take captive their thoughts”.

So often we have cute little answers for life’s big problem. But they really aren’t helpful at all. For example to tell a person to just stop thinking wrong thoughts, or that they need to replace the lies with truth may be true but if we don’t help them, or give them the tools then often we’ve done more harm than good.

There was a time in my life when I struggled with wrong thinking all the time. To hear from well meaning people that I just need to stop it, get over it, renew my mind or take captive my thoughts only made me feel stupid or as if something was really wrong with me. Why? Because they were assuming I totally understood what they meant. Even if I understood what lies I was believing I didn’t understand what they meant by renewing the mind.

Through my experiences with wrong thinking I have learned that in order to really help we must be willing to take a person by the hand and walk them from negative thinking to truth thinking.
So while I typically do not like “how to” steps I am going to give you a “recipe” for making lemonade from lemons or how to turn lies into truth. This is how I learned to do battle against the lies in my mind.

First of all, apart from a personal relationship with Christ it is impossible to know truth. Without the Spirit of God working in us we can not do this on our own. If you do not have a relationship with Christ and want to know more I would consider it a privilege to talk with you about it. You can email me here.

If you’ve never seen a lemon you may not know what it is. I didn’t know I was believing lies until I started sharing my thoughts and someone told me they were lies. I was believing things that were based on lies but didn’t know it.

Extracting the juice. A trusted friend needs to come along side you and help you “extract” the lies you are believing. A friend, or counselor, who is mature in Christ and knows the truth of God’s word. A friend who is well grounded in her faith.

You will need someone to help you distinguish the lies as God “squeezes” the lies and all other kind of yuck from you. And trust me He when I say that HE will!

God, more than anyone, wants you to live in freedom of those thoughts that keep you in bondage. So He will allow things and people in your life to “squeeze” you.

Once the lies are squeezed to the surface what are you to do with them?

Adding sweetness. This of course is where the analogy breaks down a bit. When making lemonade we add sugar and water to the lemon juice. But when lies are squeezed from us we want to replace them with truth. Replacing, not adding to.

When we come face to face with a lie that we believe about God, our life, or ourselves then we must replace it with the sweet truth. The truth found in God’s word. For example if I believe I am worthless, or unlovable then one truth I might want to go to is Ps 139 which will remind me that God’s thoughts toward me are precious. Or maybe Roman 9:25 that says that when I was not beloved God called me beloved.

This is why you will need a trusted friend. She will help you know where and what truth to replace the lies with the truth that speaks to the lie. Trust me when I say you will need help, we all do from time to time, but especially when you are just learning to take captive those ugly thoughts.
But a time will come, as you continue, that you will be able to speak truth more often on your own. Don’t believe another lie though and think you will get to a point when you won’t need help at all. We will always need one another, but our need will become less as our minds become renewed.

How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! Psalms 119:103

Drink deeply and be refreshed. Our minds are refreshed and renewed as we drink deeply from the word of God. In order to replace lies with truth we must KNOW truth. The only way of knowing truth is being in God’s word. We must know God. Know His character. Know His commands. Know His promises. Once we know, and by know I don’t mean a head knowledge only. We must know, believe, and obey the truth. We must trust in all that God has written.
Once we have drank deeply of truth and it’s imprinted on our minds we have the promise of the Holy Spirit who will remind us of what God has taught us.

 But when the Father sends the Counselor as my representative -- and by the Counselor I mean the Holy Spirit -- he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I myself have told you. "I am leaving you with a gift -- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid. John 14:26-27

Saturday’s Encouragement: Keepin’ It Real

Well I am very sorry for being late on this entry. We babysat our grandchildren over the weekend and I didn’t even get a chance to turn on my computer!

This week, being a crazy week I had so little time to read all my favorite blogs. Hopefully I will be able to catch up this week. My purpose originally was to “hug” those women that encouraged me through their blogging in a particular week. What I didn’t realize is that it might be possible to have the same women week after week. So while several of the blogs of last week continued to encourage me this week I do have one to add for this week.

I have actually known this blogger for most of my life. She is the one who led me to the cross of Christ. She helped me see my need of a Savior. This week she wrote a blog on Seeing Color.

I have been mostly black and white my whole life. It’s a constant struggle for me, a battle I often fight. But reading this I was lifted up. I felt like I could feel my very soul saying be free to see the wondrous colors of grace I’ve created for you!

Thank you my dear friend. So go on over and visit my friend Gina at Keepin’ it Real.

Saturday’s Encouragement

 

I thought this would  be easy. Picking one blog that had been especially encouraging, inspiring or just really touched my heart. But there are so many this week.

Some that brought tears to my eyes, some made me laugh. Some caused me to ponder deeply, to pray and asked to have my heart searched. So I decided that I would allow myself up to three choices for those weeks that it is most difficult to choose just one. :-)

So here they are in no particular order…

Sandra Heska King: A Writer. A Deep Sea Diver.

This week my friend Sandy had some wonderful and inspiring words to share. But today as I read I want you to Roar her words so connected with my heart. How many times have I thought something along this line “I want you to roar. To sink your teeth into the back of my neck and give me a good shake. I want you to throw me on the right path. And growl loud if I stray.”? Or “Could you at least roar loud enough to make it all scramble out of my way?” Oh yes..to have God roar loudly enough for me to hear…to pay attention. I encourage you to go on over for a visit.

Blackpurl’s Knitpickings

Aida has such a lovely heart. Every time I visit her I feel like she has invited me in to sit as she shares her day as a missionary. I learn so much from her and she has encouraged me so often along the way. Her post on Wednesday was most encouraging this week. Her “thought for today” was “I believe that showing gentleness is not the same as showing weakness. It means showing a Christlike consideration for others. That is something I can do.” and as I read this I thought “I can too!” I too need to learn to show more gentleness and consideration for others.

 

Simply God’s Girl

Tania has such a sweet spirit. Always leaving encouraging comments and writing thoughtful blogs. I think I connect with her because she is a .Grandmother also! Quite honestly it’s been hard to find grandmothers that blog! I’ve only recently “met” her but I can tell you I already love her. Today she shared her heart about wounding a friend, my heart hurt for her. I understood, I’ve been there. I’ve done the hurting and I’ve been hurt. But what I loved to read was her quick sensitivity to the Spirit. Her contrite and humble heart. Her willingness to allow God to use that moment to show her something that needed to be seen. A hard lesson to learn. You are precious my new friend!

Celebrating a Friend

Today is a very special day. I get to celebrate the gift of my precious friend. She is not only a gift to me, but so many who meet her. So today I would like to share my friend with you.

She is a woman that gives others life. She has such a generous spirit which greets others with a smile, a kind word, or a hug. You are drawn to her as she touches your life with love. The precious love of Jesus.

She has an amazing capacity for spiritual mothering. Her heart for coming along side other women to encourage, love and grow is just what is described in Titus 2:3-5. Many women of various ages consider her their spiritual mother. She has helped women grow from girlhood to godly womanhood. She has helped many grow and even flourish in their relationship with Christ.

She is a beautiful model of a Christian woman. Through her life she demonstrates a life of godliness. A life that will point others to Christ not to herself. She is a picture of pouring grace and encouragement into the lives of others. Her love motivates toward a deeper relationship with Christ. Many have said of her, “I want to be like you when I grow up.”

She is a truth speaker. With grace and love she speaks truth into the lives of those around her. She willingly helps women understand the lies of the enemy and helps them to speak truth.

She is like many of us who are just ordinary women being changed and used by an extraordinary God. What I see in her life is a willingness to be humble, ask for forgiveness, to make things right. She is willing to listen, learn and grow. She relies on the faithfulness of God to change her, to strengthen her for the work He has called her to do. She follows hard after God to serve, love, obey and live for Him in a way that brings glory to His name.

I am thankful that I am able to call her my friend, sister, mother and sometimes daughter. But more than anything I am thankful that she has modeled before me the woman I want to be.

As I write this I am reminded that we all need to take the time to share the impact others have had on us. Not in order to lift them up, but so that they might be encouraged and God be glorified.

I am also reminded that their have been many women who have come into my life that have left parts of themselves in my heart. They have poured life into my heart, for that I am forever thankful.

What about you? Do you have that mentor or spiritual mother in your life that you are thankful for? Have you told them?

If you don’t have one, may I suggest that you begin to pray for one, or become one in the life of another?

Mothers and Sisters

I have a drawer full of cards. Cards sent to me by some very precious women in my life. I call it my encouragement drawer. There are days when I forget who I am and that I am loved. Days that I become discouraged. On these days I can open up the drawer and read words of love from these dear friends. I am reminded I am not alone. I am loved. Valued.

Honestly these women have been more than a friends. They have been mothers and sisters often touching my heart on a deeply spiritual level as they have taught me to grow, to love, laugh, cry, celebrate, mourn, wait, endure, to be strong and to be able to show my weaknesses. They have challenged areas of sin, wrong attitudes, wrong thinking and lies I have believed.

They have taught me how to grow deeper in life, and love. They have taught me to love God’s Word. They have walked beside me when times are tough. They have held my hand when I was afraid. Carried me me when I didn’t think I could go on.

I have received many blessings from these treasures in my life. Sometimes those blessings come in the form of a phone call, an email, a text, a note or card (see above picture), a hug, a cup of coffee, lunch, time spent together or just knowing they are there if I need them.

What I have learned the most from these precious women in my life is how to be like Jesus. They always point me back to truth and Christ.

Jesus, while on earth, lived life with His disciples. He taught them, challenged them, walked with them, He encouraged them, shared a meal with them, they laughed and cried together, they prayed together and Jesus offered them love, grace and mercy.

I am not sure what I did to deserve their love but I do thank God for it and them.
God is good to give us family. He doesn’t have to for He IS enough, but He chooses to bless us with those who can touch our heart.

A Thankful Guest –Meet Mari

Different times of the year bring different things to mind.  In February we think about love, May brings the changing seasons and thoughts of outdoor fun, August reminds us the school is going to start soon, but November is special.  In November we are reminded to be thankful.  It's not about our plans or what we want, but a time to be reminded of how much we already have.

I remember seeing the old movie 'Pollyanna' in school.  If you haven't seen it, the story is about a little girl who chooses to see the good in everything.  That movie made a big impression on me, and I've always tried (but don't always succeed) to look for the positive.

I think being thankful is very similar.  It seems that no matter what the situation, there is always something you can find to be thankful about.

Do you know who is best at this?  It seems to be those who by outward appearances have the least to be thankful for.  I've been able to care for several young people who were dying.  They consistently thanked God for the way He worked in their life, thanking Him for each new day and the different ways He cared for them as they went through this process.  What a reminder to those of us who take so much for granted!

As this month comes to an end, and we start concentrating on the busyness that the Christmas season brings, remind yourself of the many ways God has blessed you and keep a thankful spirit through the year, not just for one season!

 

Mari is a mom and Grandma. She has been married for over 30 years and works as a nurse at a long term care center.

Every time I visit her she is such a blessing to me – even if I don’t always let her know! I encourage you to visit her too by clicking the link. My Little Corner of the World. While you are there you should check out her other blogs too. She has some delicious recipes to share, I have make quite a few of them and they are always delicious!

Thank you Mari for joining us!

Every Woman….

I know it will come as a total shock to some, but I don’t have it all together. I am not perfect. Not even close.

I apologize to those of you who think I am. You must think I am, for so often when I fall you gasp and point. You whisper behind my back. I don’t get a second chance. There is no grace.

You see, I am human just like you. I have feelings and emotions that sometimes gets the best of me and I behave badly. I have hurts and failures that cause me to think wrong. I make mistakes, say the wrong thing or say it at the wrong time in the wrong way.

If you would take the time to know me, to sit with me and allow me to share my heart you would see someone different.


But you would have to sit and listen without prejudice and with grace.

You would then see a woman who is just trying to do the very best she can. A woman who desires to follow God, live a life obedient to her Lord. She is praying that God would create in her the woman He created her to be. You would see a woman who loves deeply and wants to be loved in returned.

Oh I know that sometimes I can put up a wall that seems unbreakable. Sometimes it just goes up out of habit, I don’t mean to keep you out. I bet if you smiled or gave me a hug it would some tumbling down.

But then you have your insecurities too. What if I would reject you? Could your heart handle it?

Every woman has insecurities. She has walls that have been built. Hurts that keep them from reaching out with loving arms. Forgiving arms.

We need to have arms that will embrace our sisters. To love them and take the time to know them.  When we see a sister fall we need to help her up not push her over the edge. And while we might laugh at that statement the sad thing is we all know it happens.

Lets all take the time to know one another better and assume the best of one another. Let’s choose to love, to forgive, and offer grace.

As women lets love one another as Christ commanded. Let’s love others as we would want them to love us.

Let’s walk hand in hand and help each other to become the women God wants us to be. To be the women we want to be.

Let us remind one another who we are in Christ. That we won’t always behave perfectly but our Father in heaven does see us as holy through His Son Jesus. And let us remind each other that we are a work in progress and our Father in heaven has promised that He will finish the work He began.

A Face to Face Joy

While reading 2 John I came across verse 12 which says “I have much to write to you, but I do not want to use paper and ink. Instead, I hope to visit you and talk with you face to face, so that our joy may be complete.”

I have always loved the way John writes and shares his great love for “the brethren”. He loves them deeply and so often shares how he longs to be with them, face to face. It’s a love based on Christ. A love that desires to see the other keeping the faith, sharing the gospel and loving God. It’s a love that spurs one another on toward the work of Christ.

I am feeling that way myself today. I love to write down my thoughts, feelings and emotions, but so often when something really heavy is on my heart I find it difficult. I really want to connect and share with a dear sister through written word but so often I find the pages so very empty.

I mean it is JUST paper…there is no face, no smile or heard laughter.

To me, it’s the same in today’s ever growing “social media” relationships. Don’t get me wrong I love to hear what God is doing in the lives of my on-line friends. I have found it’s a great way to stay connected with one another, sharing pictures and what we are up to.

BUT…

A heart full of love pours itself out more freely face to face, than by words typed on a screen or on a page. There is a joy that is felt deep in one’s heart when hearing from a precious friend, face to face. To be able to share the works of Christ in our lives, or the latest lesson, trial or joy we have learned from.

The real joy of TRUE friendship, one based on a common faith, is complete when we are able to hear from a sister in  person. To see her face gives one great joy!

Don’t misunderstand my words, or my heart. I have some amazing sisters in Christ that I have met on-line through blogs, Facebook etc… and they have touched my life in very special and profound ways. I hold them dear to my heart.

And yet, at times, I need that face to face sharing with a sister who gets me, who understands and hears my heart. Sisters who really love me in spite of a momentary loss of my emotions, thinking etc..

We understand one another. We love deeply with the bond of Christ. So today, my dear sisters, my heart is longing to see you face to face…

One of THOSE days…

Welcome to my blog post that was visited by the most readers. It was a close one, but still won by 1 visit! I am linking up with Shanda for The Best of 2011!

Today has been one of those days that I just feel melancholy. It’s on these days that my thoughts can quickly go wrong. I felt as if I needed my sister. I have wanted to talk to her, but she doesn’t return my calls or my text. On a normal day this wouldn’t effect me, but today it just made me sad.
I cried out to God…
Then I heard these words playing from my CD…
“With my whole being I embrace my God, He sets things right even when I am weak. I will shout out loud “He is in charge of me. Everything is right between God and me.”
The next song…

“It’s the blessings from the Hand of God…I am sheltered in the hands of the almighty God.”
Then…
“Thank you God for knowing me and accepting me so. .. You care about the messes and the twisted side of me but in the end it’s the finished part you see.”

These songs began to minister to my heart. Music and words of truth penetrated my soul. In my heart I then heard these words.

“Oh LORD, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up…where can I go from Your Spirit?…How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast the sum of them!” (Ps 139:1,7,17)

My dear sister in Christ ministered to my heart through her music. My God ministered to me through His word.

“You have enclosed me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high; I cannot attain to it.” (5,6)

O, Father how precious are your thoughts toward me! Thank you for reaching down today and filling my spirit with Your love.

The CD is from my dear friend Sue Duffield titled LOL

Today I am joining…

Encouraging Words Wednesday

Catch and Release Friendship

I just finished reading a novel based on the true life story of Denver Moore and Ron Hall. The title of the book is Same Kind of Different as Me. It’s an excellent book that I recommend reading. It has much insight into the relationship between a homeless man and a multi-millionaire. I was challenged, encouraged and convicted as I read this true story written in their own words.

Over the next few blog post I want to share a few things that are on my heart as a result of reading this precious story. I will do my best not to give away too much of the story as I share.

Denver is homeless and has not had very many positive experiences in lasting relationships. When he meets Ron and they begin to become friends Denver asks him what seems like a very strange question. His question is this, “Why do white men catch and release fish?” Ron goes on to explain that it’s for the sport of it. Denver then shares how a when a black man catches a fish he keeps it and uses it to feed his family. Denver could not understand the concept of catching something of that kind of value and then just releasing it.

Denver then said to Ron if you want to be my friend I don’t want to be like that fish that once you catch it you then release it. I want to be a friend you keep.

I was struck by the honesty of this man. He had grown tired of people coming into his life taking what they wanted or doing for him as long as they got something and then “releasing” him.

His heart desired a friend that would be there like family. He wanted someone who would sit and talk with him, that cared. By caring I mean really cared. They would be there when times were tough; when they needed a hug, a laugh, a good word, understanding, when times were good and when times were bad.

We aren’t any different than Denver. Don’t we long for friendships that last through the good times and the bad?

Yes there are those people in our lives that come and go, they touch us for only a season and then they are gone. I am not talking about those relationships. I am talking about those friends that we begin to invest in spiritually and emotionally but when things get hard they “release” you.

What do you think? Do you think we, in today’s culture, have lost the true meaning behind friendships? Have we become too self absorbed? Are we too busy with things instead of investing in people? Do we just want an easy button to push when things get hard instead of working through them.

Let me ask another question. If God clearly brought someone into your life and knit your heart with theirs would you pursue them? What if they were homeless? Poor? Needy? What if they didn’t pursue you? Do you just give up and say “I tried!”? Or do you keep fighting, pursuing the person regardless of how hard it may become.

I want friendships that I “keep”. I want to be known as a women that doesn’t give up on friends. I want to begin looking at those God brings into my life differently. I want to look them as “keepers” not “catch and release”.

5 Reasons I love Christmas

Peggy was such a sweetie for passing on me to so many awards. I've been so busy I almost missed them! I'll get around to the rest of them, but since I do indeed LOVE Christmas I thought I'd start with this one.

So here are the rules.

You must be a true Christmas lover to receive this award.
The person to whom you give the award must also be in love with Christmas.
You must link back to the person who gave you the award.
You must list 5 things that you love about Christmas.
Pass the award along to as many people as you like. But, you must pass it on to at least one person in order to keep the Christmas cheer going!Let your recipients know that you have tagged them by leaving them a comment on their blog.

5 things I LOVE about Christmas.
God sent His Son so that I might know His Son and by knowing the Son I know my FAther and have eternal life.
Christmas reminds me of the worship of those that came to see the new born Son of God. He was worthy of worship then and even more so now.
Christmas gives me a reason to think about those I love and giving gifts to them that express my love. In order to give a really good gift you have to know the one to whom you are giving and how it will touch their heart!It really has very little to do with the actual worth of the gift-it's the thought and love that goes into it. I love thinking and planning about giving gifts!!
Christ came to share His Fathers love to us, so Christmas reminds me that I too need to share the love of my Father to those around me - including "the least of these".
I LOVE spending time with family and friends. When friends gather to laugh and connect on the basis of their love of God that is truly a wonderful thing. There are those that I pray I will be able to share special moments with during this Christmas season. They are family to me and when God gives you treasured family there is no better gift.

It is my priviledge to pass this Christmas cheer to all my followers. I love you all.

A Kindred Spirit

Yesterday I was reading in Philippians chapter 2 and in verse 20 came across something that I just had not noticed before. Paul calls Timothy his kindred spirit which means ‘same soul’. Paul goes on to describe Timothy as someone who would be genuinely concerned for the Philippians welfare. He would not just seek after his own interest, but would seek the interest of Christ. Paul says that Timothy has been serving with him to further the gospel as a child serves his father. (verses 21-22) Paul and Timothy had a very close relationship because of their common heart for Christ. What a beautiful friendship and mentoring relationship based on Christ.

As I read this, God immediately brought to mind another relationship that is mentioned in the Old Testament. In 1 Samuel 18:1 it says that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David and Jonathan loved David as Himself. Jonathan and David’s friendship is a beautiful picture of Philippians 2:1-5.

Jonathon had every right to expect to become king some day. He could have been jealous or angry with David. They could have been enemies; instead Jonathan loved David as himself. Jonathan sought to protect David from Saul, his father. Jonathan willingly served David 1 Samuel 20:4 in order to protect him. Also in chapter 20 we read that Jonathan chooses David over his own father. Their friendship was based on their love for God. Jonathan encourages his friend in the Lord in chapter 23:16. They both made a covenant before the Lord 23:18.

Two friendship, both which were based on a relationship with God, both willing to die to their own interest for the sake of the other, and they both shared a spiritual connection, a common bond in the Lord.

My dear sisters, here is my question. Do you know how to be a friend of this kind? Do you put your own interest and desires aside for the best interest of her? When you meet for coffee do you encourage one another in the Lord? Do you challenge her to go deeper in her walk with the Lord? Does she do this for you also? Is there a “soul” connection between you? Do you have a mutual love for the Lord?

I do not know if we are able to have this kind of relationship with every women we meet, but I am praying that God would allow you to have at least one. Currently God has gifted me we two of these women. We encourage and challenge each other in our walks with the Lord. Our times together are always refreshing.

I do believe God desires this kind of relationship for us. I encourage you to study for yourself the relationships of these two examples and see how their common bond and friendship was in their mutual love for God.