Our Story of Love

(This was originally posted in 2007 I've updated it and am re-posting it. It continues to be my favorite love story.)

On November 26th my husband and I will celebrate 33 yrs of being married. So I want to take this day to be thankful for him and a God who knows just what I needed in a mate. I thought I'd share how we met. At least the short version, as it can be quite long. It's a story of a man's love for the woman he felt God gave him, but even more so, it's a story of God's faithfulness and redeeming love.

We met in June of 1981. I had just graduated from high school in Winchester Virginia and decided to go to Breakaway in Ocean City, NJ with Youth For Christ. Keith was from Pa and was on his way with the Pocono group of YFC as a leader. The conference was from Sunday to Friday. We met on Wednesday.

A friend dragged me down to the basketball courts to meet "this guy". When I saw him he was standing there with his clipboard, sunglasses on, a dark tan and girls hanging around him. So she introduced us and I thought "great another jock who is full of himself". Well that night I ended up with a group at dinner and "he" was there. We ended up talking most of the evening as we walked along the boardwalk after dinner and the evening session. By the end of the week Keith felt God had told him that I was the girl he would marry. God didn't tell me any such thing!I left that week thinking I'd never see him again and that was fine with me.

One week later I was at a YFC meeting in Winchester and in walked Keith for a surprise visit. I wanted to hide! I couldn't believe it! What was he thinking? He spent the weekend in town and we got to know one another better. My family thought he was great. I still wasn't so sure.

Over the course of the next 6 months he called me and wrote letters, and yes, I even wrote back. I even went to visit him!  I grew to like him, he was a great friend. In December of 1981 Keith came for a visit with a dozen roses and a ring! He proposed on Christmas Eve. I felt so bad to have to send him home with the ring. He was crushed. He couldn't understand. He just knew I was "the" one he was to marry.

We didn't communicate after that. In fact Keith wouldn't hear from me again until June of 1982. I knew that Keith would be at the YFC Breakaway again and there was something I needed to tell him. I felt would be better if he heard it from me, but I didn't have the courage to tell him in person, so I wrote a letter and sent it with a friend who was going.

Keith had heard that I might be there and was somewhat nervous and yet excited that he might see me. But when all the groups arrived there was only a message for him. A letter that was very difficult to write. After Keith proposed and we stopped talking, I met someone. I thought he was "the" one. He was the kind of guy I thought I deserved. You see Keith was good, from a Christian home, pure, kind, loving and the best guy I'd ever known. I did not think I had a right to expect love from someone like him.

I tried to explain as gentle as I could to Keith that not only did I meet someone but I was also pregnant. But how do you do that gently?  I am told that after Keith read the letter he just sat there and cried. He still believed I was the one God told him to marry, but now he began to wonder if maybe he was just being delusional. Perhaps he heard God all wrong.

When Keith got home he called me. We talk for a long time. He wanted to know what I was going to do since this guy wouldn't marry me, and he (the baby's father) wanted me to have an abortion. We talked about my options and he walked me through the pros and cons of adoption, but I was so undecided.

We continued to communicate throughout my pregnancy. Keith would listen when I called him to say that this guy and I were getting back together. He wanted to try and be a father. Keith listened a few weeks later as I cried into the phone with another broken heart. And all this time he still loved me. He prayed for me, He was my friend. He was always there for me, a real source of love, encouragement and friendship.

On December 18th 1982 my son was born. When we got home I called Keith to let him know. I also wanted him to know that we would be going to Children's hospital. My son had congestive heart failure due to a hole in his heart (VSD and ASD). Keith and I remained in contact. My son would be fine once they got him on the right kind of medication and the right dose. It would take several trips and several stays in Children's Hospital. Keith continued to be my source of encouragement during the hard times of  not knowing if my baby would be alright.

In May, when my son was 5 months old, Keith came to visit. We had been writing and talking for almost a year now and he told me that he wanted to see me. He came and spent the weekend with my family. Keith got to know my son. We talked a lot. When Keith returned home he called me the next day to tell me that he still loved me and that he also fell in love with my son.

 I got off the phone and talked to my mom. I didn't love him. He was absolutely my best friend and I didn't want to lose him as a friend. He loved me and but he wanted something more than just friendship. My mother said I was stupid to let someone like that get away. She told me that men like that came along once and if I didn't grab him I'd regret it.

"But mom! I don't know if I love him."
"Of course you do" she said, "you just haven't realized it."

Well I thought about that for a day or so. In my mind Keith just might be my last hope. I prayed and prayed. I wanted to see it in writing somewhere...anywhere! I just didn't know. Was he the one I was suppose to marry? How could someone so wonderful want me? After all I have done how could he still love me? I couldn't understand that kind of love. I didn't even know if I believed in that kind of love. And even if it did exist I am not so sure it existed for someone like me.

About a month after Keith's visit I called him to ask him if he still wanted to marry me. He told me he'd give me an answer when he returned the following week from vacation. Keith left that next morning with a group of his friends for a week at the beach. On the way he asked his friend to be his best man. He didn't have to think about it. He already knew what God had told him two years agao was still true.

That week was a killer for me.  What if he said no? What if I was too late? What if? What if? I was a confused young girl who had no clue who I was, or who God was for that matter. I had become a believer in 1978, but still didn't really understand Gods love or His character. I was too young to be a mother. Too young to be a wife. Yet God was in the process of working out the "all things" in my life so that He would recieve the glory.

 One week later Keith returned home, talked to his father, who thought he was crazy and to young to be a husband and father, but said if he thought this was what God wanted they would support him. So we got married 4 months later on Nov 26th 1983.

Yes I married a man I wasn't so sure I loved, but he was my best friend. I put him though so much in those two years of "dating". Yet God would use this man's love for me to begin to break down the walls that kept me from seeing and knowing God. For so long I had kept people and God at a distance. As Keith says, my walls were probably stronger than Fort Knox! He was the only one that I let my guard down with. I allowed him in, but it would take years before I would let him see all the dark places.

Through the years God has worked in my heart to bring light and freedom to all those dark and hidden places. There was so much healing that needed to be done in my life.  Through it all my husband has been there by my side loving me and walking with me. He has helped me go places that I didn't want to go. He has encouraged me, and challenged me in my walk with God. God knew the kind of man I would need, and even though I made it difficult, God made sure I had what I needed.

Through the years I have grown to love this man deeply. As I look back I realize that perhaps I have always loved him, even in my limited understanding of love. But I believe that when you choose to stay and fight, to work through the hard times of marriage, and life, that there is a growing understanding of what love really is.

When I tell our story my husband often feels that I make him out to be this great, wonderfully perfect husband. Well I do think he is pretty wonderful, but no, he is not perfect. He too has had to learn and grow. God has had to change and mold him, to soften some of the rough edges. No he isn't perfect, but he is perfect for me. And these last 33 yrs we've been married have been good and I mean wonderfully good. I didn't say perfect. :-)

Well I know this was long...and you even got the short version. Hope you enjoyed our story.

Today I am joining with the following link up! Feel free to check them out!  Wedded Wednesday and Wifey Wednesday. 

My Friend and My Husband

“This is my beloved and this is my friend.”Song of Solomon 5:16

When I married my husband he was more friend than lover. At twenty-one, I hardly knew true love. I knew selfish love, abusive love, conditional love, but true love? Not really. So when I walked down that aisle on my wedding day it wasn’t for love, but for friendship.

In all seriousness (and in total honesty) I wasn’t even sure I wanted to marry him, but he was my friend and he had stood by me through so much. I know there were some who wondered if we would last. I had a son so we would be an instant family. We were young with very little money, very little life experience.  But Keith’s love was deep and strong. He loved me and he loved my son.
I think about those early years of being a wife and mother. I was clueless. Totally clueless about life, love, marriage, family, and God. I was a total mess…and still am at times!

I look back in amazement at what God has done. His mercy and grace can be seen in my marriage, in my life, and in my heart. I mean really, God sent a man into my life that would love me deeply, without reservation. And his love has been constant. His friendship a gift. His leadership comforting. If it weren’t for this man beside me pointing me to Jesus I don’t know where I would be today.

Today, almost 32 years later,  I love my friend deeply. He is my best friend, lover, confidant, and cheerleader. He strengthens me in my weakness and lets me shine in my strengths. He confronts and admonishes me when I need it. He leads, not ahead of me, but walking beside me. Oh, how I love this man!

Our marriage hasn’t always been easy. Being married to me has its challenges I am sure! I can be moody, selfish, and down right cantankerous! ( Oh how I am in need of the Spirit’s work daily in my life!!) But as I sit today and reflect back I can see clearly that there are two things that have helped to hold our marriage together, even at our worst moments.

The first is understanding that it’s a commitment. A covenant between God and one another. It means we will work together through the hard times. It means we will fight for each other and for us. It means he will be my priority, my beloved above all others. It means I will not ever give up on him or our relationship.

Being in a covenant is realizing that we are not alone in the relationship. It’s understanding that we have the power of God the Spirit working along side us.

The second is friendship. From the beginning we were friends. We laughed, played, and had fun together. He is my best friend. I have poured out my heart to him and with gentleness and understanding, he has held it. We share our hurts and brokenness. Our hopes and dreams. We keep no secrets.

We still hold hands. Take long walks and just enjoy each other. But it’s something we have had to work at and we tried not to take each other for granted. We knew that it wouldn’t just happen. We’ve had to make it happen. We had to set aside time for building a friendship.

As I think about all of the friendships I have had I realize that my husband is my best friend. He is always there when I need him and points me to Christ when I am tempted to rely too much on him alone.

I do not want to waste this time with my friend arguing over things that do not really matter. I don’t want to wake up one day to find him gone from this earth and have regrets. I want to enjoy each and every day making memories, and enjoying my friend, and my lover.

30 Days of Marriage Thankfulness

I’ve been posting thankful updates on Facebook this month and decided that I should list them all in one place and since it's the month of our Anniversary (on the 26th) I thought I would focus on what I am thankful for in regards to my marriage. I am sure I'll have no problems coming up with 30 reasons I am thankful for being married or for my husband.

I share the below not to hold my marriage up as some sort of perfect example. It’s far from perfect. We have struggled and continue to struggle, but we struggle together. Even in the hardest, most difficult moments of our marriage we keep working to make it better. To get through the tough times takes a willingness to lay it all out, talk about it, walk through it and come out on the other side stronger. But, and this is a really BIG BUT, none of this is possible apart from God who works individually in our hearts and our marriage. So really it’s all about what God has done in our marriage. It’s about me (well really both of us) surrendering my heart, mind, body, and soul to the will of God. As we surrender to God we are better able to be the husband/wife we need to be.

Marriage is about the husband and wife dying daily to their wants and desires and following Christ. As we do this we often find ourselves more willing to put the other before ourselves.

Anyway, I didn’t mean to write a whole blog post I just wanted to list all the reason I am thankful for my husband and my marriage.

I am thankful for...

Day 1- the kindness of my husband.
Day 2 - his emotional strength and support during the hard times.
Day 3 - his strength of character and integrity.
Day 4 - a marriage that God uses to refine my heart and draw me closer to Him

Day 5: a husband who knows how to make me smile (even when I don't want to). Life with him is filled with so much joy even in the midst of sorrow, pain, and trials.

Day 6:  a marriage that is filled with love, friendship, forgiveness, grace, patience, laughter, and most of all God.

Day 7: the friendship I have with my husband. He is truly my best friend for life.

Day 8: my husband who loves me in those moments I don't think I am being very lovable.

Day 9: He is my hero. He is a blessing to my life.

Day 10: my husband who has faithfully worked hard to provide for our family but even more thankful that he has made choices to put his family and wife over his job/career.

Day 11:  for a marriage that consist of a 3 strand cord. My husband, my self and God.

And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart. (Ecc 4:12)

Day 12: I am thankful I get to journey along side my husband and watch him grow, change and draw into a deeper relationship with Christ. It's through my husband I have learned to love deeper and understand God's love for me in a richer way. I am blessed.

Day 13: I love the way he looks at me after all these years and calls me beautiful. I am thankful that he sees me, on good and bad days, and still loves me.

Day 14: that he is faithful. Faithful to our marriage vows, to me, to God, and our family.

Day 15: I am thankful my husband does most (if not all) of the outside work...especially when it's freezing cold out there!

Day 16: I am thankful that within the marriage relationship I have learned, and continue to learn, that it's in those difficult, hard and often times painful moments of life that we grow the most.

Day 17: I am thankful that marriage has taught me to live less selfishly, with greater compassion and love. It has also taught me I sill have much to learn....and room to grow.

Day 18: I am thankful he chose me!! Seriously, for those who do not know our story, he had every right to give up, and yet he kept loving, pursuing and still chose to marry me!

Day 19: So thankful that my husband is there for me when I need to talk and talk or when I need to just sit in silence. I'm pretty sure he likes the silence better, but he is a great listener, sounding board and advice giver.

Day 20: I am thankful for grace. Grace in my marriage. Neither one of us are perfect. Our marriage is far from perfect. We fail, disagree and have wrong attitudes and yet we continue to love, work it out and offer grace. Again not perfectly, we are very aware of our imperfections and sins that cause our marriage to be imperfect. But, even more so, we are aware of a God who empowers us, forgives us, and pours out grace daily in order for our marriage to grow to be what God wants it to be.

Day 21: I am thankful for my children, daughters in law and grandchildren. I am proud of each and every one of them. They are amazing blessings, fruit of our love, marriage and commitment. I give God alone the glory for what He has done.

Day 22: I am thankful that God has been faithful in helping us keep the promise we made to one another on our wedding day.

Day 23: I am thankful my husband is a patient man.

Day 24: I am thankful...today my heart just overflows with thankfulness for blessings too many to list, blessing undeserved...God's grace which He pours upon me is amazing.

Day 25: Almost daily he snuggles up close and whispers in my ear, “You are beautiful!”

Day 26: Today we celebrate 31 years of love, family, joy, friendship, togetherness, but along with these we have also had losses, heartaches, conflict, hard times, disappointments, hurt and sorrow. For all this we can be thankful. We give thanks for all these for we know, and have seen, God work out His purposes through both.

Day 27: I am grateful for two couples in particular who, in our early years of marriage, spoke truth to us, prayed with and for us and modeled what a godly marriage should be. But through the years God has brought many godly couples into our lives as examples and I am thankful for each of them.

Day 28: I am grateful to my church, especially the pastors, who continually preach the truth of God's word when it come to the covenant marriage relationship. And challenge us often on how we are to treat one another as husbands and wives.

Day 29: I am grateful that having a good marriage isn't solely based on what I do or don't do. It's about allowing God to be in control and center of my life. I need to surrender my life to a God who continues to work in and through me to be the wife He desires me to be. I am thankful He hasn't given up on my sometime stubborn heart.

Day 30: Our marriage isn’t perfect. I don’t have a perfect husband. I am not the perfect wife. But we do have a perfect God who daily works in us. I am thankful that for 31 years God is the one who has held us together.

What I Have Learned After 30 Years

Thirty years ago today I said I do to a man I wasn't sure I loved the way a wife should love her husband. I am not even sure I knew what love was at that time. What I did know is that he was my friend and in the two years I had known him he had already supported me through so much. He had loved me during moments that many men would have walked away.

Since that day I have learned a lot. I have learned about marriage, love and life as we have journeyed together. It hasn't always been perfect and yet it has been good. We have learned that we can argue and yet work things out in love. We have learned that there will be times we may feel like we want to give up but we would fight for one another, for our love and our family.

We have also learned…

Marriage is a covenant. A covenant not to be broken except by death. We choose to be committed to one another no matter what life may throw at us. We also understand that it is not just the two of us involved in the covenant but God is the administer of our covenant. He watches over us.

Love is a choice. You only fall out of love because you choose to. It gets too hard, we stop trying, but love chooses to stay and work through the hard places. Love chooses to keep going even when you feel like giving up.

You have to laugh. At times we must laugh hard and long. It helps put the day in perspective. God gave me my husband because God knew I would need to laugh. Keith is the only one who can make me laugh at almost anything, even when I am really stressed out. Even when I am upset with him.

Neither of us are perfect. We each have areas of our heart and life that God needs to expose and work through in order to mold us into the image of Christ. Giving room to grow into the man and woman God has created us to be is important.

Marriage is about growing. It’s a process of growth and maturity. A process that requires grace, patience and a willingness to walk in forgiveness. It’s growing in our relationship with God, with each other and within ourselves. We need to encourage and spur on growth in one another.

Marriage is about friendship. Be willing to work at the friendship. Spend time together. Talk about everything, share your hopes, dreams, joys and sorrow. Be life long friends.

Marriage takes hard work. It’s true, marriage isn't easy. You can just glide along hoping things will be fine. You can not just push everything under the rug praying it will work out. You need to keep dating your spouse even when schedules make it seem impossible.

There is so much we've learned after 30 years, this is only a small list. How can one possibly list everything?I don’t want to sound as if it’s been easy, it hasn’t been. Anyone who has been married for any length of time knows it takes work, prayer and God.

There is a book on my shelf that I have never read, it’s called Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. I am sure it’s an excellent book. When I first got it I opened it and read this sentence, “What if marriage is not to make you happy, but to make you holy?” I closed the book and put it on the shelf. It’s the best book I never read.

That sentence in many ways has totally changed my thoughts on marriage. What if God intended marriage to make us holy? What better way to live a life of “iron sharpens iron” than within the marriage relationship?

Maybe we come into marriage with the wrong expectations? We enter marriage thinking it is to make us happy, whole or so that we are loved. But what if it is more about learning to know God and to make us holy. It’s just a thought.

I pray that we still have many more years ahead of us. I love this man, I love being married to him for better and for worse, in sickness and in health and for poor or rich. I pray we have more years to love and to grow.

A New Look!

I can't believe that a week has already passed since my last blog. I didn't even get a chance to post about "True Worship" this week. It's been crazy busy. I began a project several weeks ago that should have taken only a couple days. Our deck was in desperate need of re-staining and we decided to change the color. 

Here are some before and after pictures. You can see where our hot tub was. We had it for close to 10 years and it died, we decided not to replace it since the last few years it's been rarely used. Plus as our family has gotten larger it opens up more room on the deck!

It turned out beautiful but when you go from dark to white it takes more coats than normal, plus the rain was against us, a couple of days project turned into 3 weeks. 

Fortunately this last week we had enough good days of sunshine to finish! We still need to purchase lattice for under the deck but have decided to go with ones that are already painted! So here is the finished project.

I have had several people ask what the color is and what we used. The stain was a "Deep Base Weatherproofing Solid Wood Stain" from Home-depot. The white is Pinto White and the gray is Light Lead. They recommend two coats but we found that we needed 3 to 4 coats. To prepare we did use 2 gallons of wood cleaner and then used a pressure washer to get all the old, loose stain off.

One reason we choose to go with white/gray is that our deck gets full sun and the darker wood got really hot. So hot you couldn't walk on it barefoot and it also made sitting out there uncomfortable. We are hoping that the lighter colors bring it down a few degrees. Already we have noticed that it's easier to walk on without scorching the bottom of your feet!

So that is what I've been up to! Next project is to recover my patio chair cushions. I was going to just replace them but it would be well over $200 (I found fabric to make them for around $100) so I am going to make them! I found this great tutorial over here by Christy! I'll post that project later!

On Monday's I usually post over at Beloved Truth so watch for it later today!

Oh and a quick note. When we decided to do this I told my hubby I'd do the majority of the painting since I am home. I hate ladders so I asked him to do the high places. Well about half way through the project he suggested that we purchase a paint sprayer but I said it was fine I could do it by hand. Besides I've been doing it that way for years. Well near the end I said to him, "next time we are getting a sprayer! I am older now and I hurt in places I didn't know could hurt!" He didn't say anything except, "Okay". Not even "I told you so!" He is a wise man...and smart! I do love him so...and on Saturday we worked side by side all day to get "my" project done. 

Happy Monday!

Sinning Against My Husband

Last week God allowed me to see that I have been responding to my husband in a way that doesn’t always show love or respect. I was reminded of a blog post I wrote last year about respect. At the end I had asked several questions. One being, “What about my attitude when speaking with him? Does my voice tones also show respect?”

My heart was grieved. I looked at my husband who I dearly love and felt such sorrow. A sorrow that leads to repentance. (2 Cor 7:10) He does not deserve my snarky attitude. He doesn’t deserve my bad day (or week). I mean it’s one thing to tell him I’m having a bad day, or feel bad. It’s something entirely different to take it out on him.

Tears of compassion welled up in my eyes. As I looked at him I began to really see him. Not just as my husband but also as a man who loves God. As a man who is my covenant partner, friend and brother in Christ. A man who has devoted his life to me, to provide for our family and raise our boys. A man who works very hard so that I can stay home. 

This man I married has not been prefect. But, he has always loved me. Always. Even in my moments of a disrespectful, awful, snarky attitude. He honors me, lifts me up and continues to love me. Do you know that there is hardly a day that goes by that he doesn’t tell me I am beautiful and he loves me? So how could I possibly be mean with a man like this?

It’s easy. I am a daughter of Eve. I have a sinful nature that wants to rise up and have my own way. I want to be in control. I want what I want when I want it!! No, it’s not pretty. In fact it’s rather ugly. It’s times like this that I really understand Paul in Rom 7:18 “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not.”

At times I suppose it would be easy to just stop there and say “Oh well, it’s my sinful flesh, God’s working on it, so deal with it!” It grieves me when I here that excuse or attitude. Whether I hear it in my mind or hear it out of the mouth of believers.

My husband shouldn’t have to deal with it. Not because he loves me or is good to me. And not just because I shouldn’t treat him that way. He doesn’t have to deal with it because Jesus already dealt with it.

It’s times like this that I must return to the cross. I have sinned against my husband. I have sinned against God. So my snarky little attitude needs to take time to go back to the cross and preach the gospel!

What I mean by that is I need to remember that I am a sinner. I need a Savior. And at the cross “Christ died for our [my] sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, (1 Cor 15:2b-3)

At the cross Christ conquered death. He paid for my sin. I no longer am a slave to my flesh. Christ Jesus is living in me through His Spirit. Therefore, I no longer have to live according to what my flesh desires. Because of His righteousness I am able to live in righteousness, (with a right attitude). (Roman 8:10-20)

Don’t you see? I do not have to be disrespectful attitude toward my husband. When I am feeling bad, with a wrong attitude, I can go to the cross BEFORE I behave in an unbecoming way. I do not have to live in bondage to my flesh any longer. It doesn’t have to rule over me. I have been set free. (Rom 8:2)

So my snarky little self spent time at the foot of Jesus so that I could have my attitude adjusted! And you know what? It felt really good, and freeing as I allowed His Spirit to minister to my spirit with grace, mercy and love.

 

Note: If any husbands are reading this please know that the same truth can be applied to you toward your wife!

 

Today I am joining….

    

 

 

*Photo of couple fighting By David Castillo Dominici,Stock Photo - image ID: 100122416

A Grumpy Wife?

It is better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a contentious wife in a lovely home. (Proverbs 21:9) NLT

I read those words and thought “WOW!” it’s pretty bad if you’d rather live in the attic…alone!

Contentious. I don’t know if I had been contentious exactly. But grumpy, short tempered, easily argumentative? Maybe.

Several days ago the love of my life came to me and asked if anything was wrong. My response to him was “no”. (Meaning I don’t want to talk about it right now and just leave me alone.)

He looked at me for a few minutes before speaking. He was probably praying. Then He said, “you are just not yourself. You seem down and…”

I looked at him, smiled and finished for him, “On edge? Short tempered?” I really did smile when I said it…I knew…he didn’t HAVE to say it.

“Well, yes and I didn’t know if I had done something to upset you?”

Poor guy. I adore him. He is patient with me. He loves me. And honestly would do anything in his power to make me happy.

I assured him he hadn’t done a thing. I was just processing some emotional junk and I guess it was affecting me more than I thought. I then apologized for taking it out on him.

Mental Note: Next time maybe I need to warn him ahead of time if I am trying to struggle through issues or process.

Next time…Oh how I wish there wouldn’t be a next time. I want to have life all figured out. Now.  I want to never have to struggle with my emotions or trying to separate what I FEEL from what is REAL.

Why can’t I remember that just because I might FEEL a certain way doesn’t mean my feelings are right?

I hate when I allow my emotional mess to affect my husband. To effect my relationships.

I want to be a “fountain of blessing for him” (Prov 5:18)
I want to be his “joy and crown”  his “treasure”. (Prov 12:4; 18:22)
Proverbs 19:14 says “only the LORD can give an understanding wife”.

So I ask my husband to forgive me, again! Then I go to the LORD and ask Him to help me…

…to be a wife that does not snap out at the love of her life just because she’s having a bad day…or bad week.
…to be a wife that is a blessing.
…to be a wife that is his joy and crown.
…to be a wife that brings honor to her husband.

Father thank you for the gift of a man in my life that honors and cherishes me. Thank You for Your grace and mercy, Your faithfulness and love in my life. Help me be the helpmate you intended, one that shows respect and love toward her husband.

To My Beautiful Ashley

I watched you marry the love of your life on Saturday. It was a beautiful ceremony surrounded by family and friends. As I watched your daddy walk you down the isle I couldn’t help but remember the summer you stayed with us for 3 weeks to go on a missions trip to Mexico. Or how could I forget that little girl that was always so loveable and huggable! Precious memories.

Now before my eyes stood a beautiful young woman. Your beauty flows from the inside out. I am sure you have your faults, as we all do, but I see a sweet young woman who loves those around her. You love to laugh and your laughter is so contagious.

I love you very much. So as I sat there listening to the words the pastor said and the commitment you and Gary made to one another I prayed. I prayed that you understood the commitment you were making to one another, before your friends and family, and the commitment you were making before God.

Marriage, which I have written about here, here and here, is not something to be entered into lightly. It’s a commitment for a lifetime.

• Marriage is a vow to another that you will love, cherish, honor, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, until death does you part.
• Marriage is hard work. Both parties must choose to work at the marriage. Both must make is a priority.
• Marriage is more about committing and choosing than loving. There will be days you don’t FEEL in love, but you choose to love. You remember you commitment and you work through the hard times.

In exchanging your vows I loved that instead of just saying “I will” you both said “with God’s help I will”. For apart from a relationship with God it’s nearly impossible to take two individuals and create one. I pray that you will grow into an even greater understanding of what it truly means to have Christ be apart of your marriage. I pray that the Spirit of God would draw you into a deeper knowledge of Him. But mostly I pray that you are a true child of God and committed not just your marriage but that your heart and life would be one that pleases the Lord.

So, to my sweet beautiful Ashley I pray that you always stay true to who God is creating you to be. That you would love the Lord your God with your whole heart, soul and mind. I pray that you would show Gary the honor and respect that Christ calls you to when He says in 1 Peter 3:2 that wives should have a chaste and respectful behavior toward their husbands. I pray that Gary will love and honor you. That he would be a man that leads you with a gentle, kind and loving spirit.

Ashley I know I’ve said this before, but never forget that you are precious, beloved and beautiful. I love you.

A Godly Wife

Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord ;seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. 2 Peter 1:2-3

Through the last 28+ years of marriage I’ve participated in many Bible studies about being  a godly wife or having a godly marriage. I’ve also read many, many books on those same topics. Why? Because I was seeking for truth about “how to” be the best wife I could be.

Through the years I gleaned a lot of truth, but at times it was also very frustrating. There were books and studies that SEEMED to me to be a long, undoable list of things I should do or how I should behave. I would often become overwhelmed, frustrated and then came the lies. The lies that said, “you’ll never get it”, “just face it, your not going to be a godly wife like so and so” and so many more. “After all there is just no way I will ever be the Proverbs Woman,” I often thought to myself.

What was a woman to do? What steps could I take to be a godly wife and have a godly marriage? Was there a formula I could follow? Maybe a book on “the 7 steps to a godly marriage” ?

At times, early in my marriage I would just sit and cry out to God in frustration. Where were the older women who could show me? Why couldn’t anyone see that I had NO CLUE what I was doing?!

God heard the frustration in my heart’s cry. Over time He answered. His answer was not what I expected, but it brought such freedom!

God set me free from trying to become the “perfect” wife and have the “perfect” marriage. Freedom came when I realized that I only need to follow Christ. What my husband really needed is a wife who followed hard after God.

In order to be a godly wife, or even a godly mother I “only” needed to take care of my relationship with God. I needed to be the woman that God created me to be. A woman who hungers and thirst after God. A woman who obeys her God. A woman who knows that God must be her very first priority.

I needed to be in God’s word, studying, mediating, praying so that God could create in me a changed heart. He alone can change my wrong attitudes toward life and those in it. He alone can create in me a true obedience to His will for my life.

Through the years I’ve realized that it is not about me BECOMING a godly wife but it’s about me seeking the ONE who can create in me the desire to be a godly daughter of the King.

I’ve learned that to be a good wife and have a good marriage that I must be passionately pursuing Jesus and my relationship with Him. It is in the word of God and studying it for myself that I learn to be the woman God desires me to be.

Teach me, O LORD, the way of Your statutes, And I shall observe it to the end. Give me understanding, that I may observe Your law And keep it with all my heart. Make me walk in the path of Your commandments, For I delight in it. Incline my heart to Your testimonies…Turn away my eyes from looking at vanity, And revive me in Your ways. Establish Your word to Your servant, As that which produces reverence for You…Behold, I long for Your precepts;Revive me through Your righteousness. (Psalms 119:33-40)

 
linking up today with…

Marriage Monday: It’s Not just a Promise

We took our wedding vows and made a promise to live until death does us part.

No one told us how hard it would be those first couple of years. It was the little things like laundry on the floor, who slept on what side of the bed, what kind of toothpaste or whose house for the holidays that seemed to cause so many “discussions”. Everything seemed to cause a struggle.

It was a struggle for two individuals becoming one.

It takes time for a young man to gain confidence and take the lead. It takes time to become a man.

It takes time for a woman to grow and realize the role God places her in. She will grow to come along side and be a helpmate to her husband.

It goes against our flesh, it goes against society so God must be allowed to work in our hearts. In our marriage.

There are many years filled with love, laughter and tears. Learning to understand one another, to love one another. There were sorrows and disappointments shared. Deep struggles that caused growth in both of us.

There were children, moving, losses, death, and decisions to be made. All allowed by the grace of God to mold and shape us.

This was life, it was our life. It is still life.

Marriage is an amazing life shared with one who loves deeply, sacrificially and unconditionally.

Dates planned, intimate talks, holding hands or just sitting in silence knowing we are not alone. Sharing our future, hopes, dreams, desires, and our fears.

Oh, and those moments when you look into one another’s eyes and know just how loved you are. You see your beauty in the way they look at you. You feel safe in their embrace and you know the depth of their commitment to you.

This is life, this is marriage. Both are filled with love, joy, pain and sorrow.

We made a promise on that day of our wedding, but we have grown to a place where we realize that marriage is more than a promise, it’s a covenant. A solemn binding agreement between parties, made by blood, and not breakable. God is the sovereign administrator of this covenant.

A covenant means that you become one flesh, its death to independent living. You will put your partners needs before your own. If someone hurts your spouse they hurt you for you have truly grown to be one.

A covenant means that you will stand and fight for as long as it takes to defeat the enemy. You’ve got one another’s back. It means that you will be there for one another no matter how hard the road is. You are in it for the long haul. There is no giving up when it gets hard and messy. There is no divorce – it’s not even in your vocabulary and certainly never mentioned.

When recently asked how we’ve managed to almost 29 years I simply said, “we made a covenant, and a covenant is more than a promise. A covenant can not be broken. We’ve committed to making it work and we choose to love one another even in those moments when it’s hard.”
Marriage doesn’t come with an easy button, it takes work, sacrifice, steadfast commitment and prayer. It also takes those around you to build a community of faith and support.

It means allowing God to rule over your marriage and be obedient to do what you know is right. He means that you WILL be there for one another no matter what. You will always choose to stay and work it out instead of leaving and giving up.

It’s more than just a promise that seems so easily broken– it’s a covenant.

Once again I find myself a say late….but linking up with…

 

A Longing Unsatisfied

I believe that there is a longing in every heart for a deep soul connection. A longing that often cries out to be filled.
We desire to connect with another person. To connect deeply. To be loved unconditionally. We desire to be accepted, valued, and complete.
Too often when we get married we think that our spouse will fill that need, that longing to be apart of something bigger than yourself. We marry thinking that every need, especially emotionally, will be met.
We think that we no longer will be lonely or fill empty. We will have someone to share EVERYTHING with. We will have that one person who totally understands us.
Our spouse cannot meet every need we have emotionally. Some will say that we need our girlfriends to meet our needs where our husbands can not. But again the reality is that I can have a good, healthy relationship with my husband, mother, sister or a friend but at some point in the relationship I will want more. At some point they will fail or disappoint me. Their love will never be enough to fully satisfy the longing. It’s impossible, and to think they can sets a person up to fail. To think you husband can or should sets your marriage up to fail.
God created each of us with a longing that can only be filled by Him. To expect anyone else to fill that longing will only bring disappoint in the end.
I believe marriages, and other relationships in our lives will be better, healthier and strong if we first go to God where we will be completely satisfied. When we are in a relationship with Him the longing will be filled. Our relationship with our husband will not be enough if I have not allowed God to fill the longing in us.
Once I am filled to overflowing by the Spirit of God I can then go to my husband without any thought of myself. I am free then, and only then, to offer myself completely without any expectations to be filled by him because I am already filled to overflowing with Christ.
The beauty of living completely satisfied in Christ is that we no longer go to those we love in order to seek to be filled. We can however be free to give more fully of ourselves.
The only one  in this world that can fill the longing inside you in Jesus. It’s a relationship with Him, not our husbands that fully satisfy. Jesus says that He came to give you life, abundant life! (John 10:10) And in Colossians we are reminded that it is in Christ that we are complete. “For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.” (Col 2:9,10)
Oh dear one, you no longer have to live a life of emptiness or neglect Jesus longs to fill you with Himself so that you will know joy and peace and abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Rom 15:13)
He waits for you. He longs to fill the emptiness of your soul.

Oh Father forgive me for the times I go to my husband to fill my needs when I should come to you. Even if my husband could fill all my needs it still wouldn’t fully satisfy apart from You. Jesus help me to live fully satisfied in your love. I want to be filled to overflowing with all of you so that I might not want from those I love but so that I can give of all I am to them. Help me to be a living sacrifice, help me to be an example of Your overflowing love. Amen

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."Romans 15:13

I know I am a day late but am linking up with….
     

A Heart Ready to Hear

Sometime early in our marriage I realized that if I want to encourage my husband to take a certain vacation, buy a large item for the house or really anything that requires a major amount of money that it is best to be prepared before I ask.

I’ve learned that he will ask questions. Questions like “is it a need or a want?” “can we afford it?” “where is the money coming from?” “have you compared prices, options, places etc…?” “do you have a plan?” My husband is a logistics guy and he wants all the information up front before making a decision. I could just go to him and ask without being prepared, but he will not make a decision without all the facts. So I have found it easier to be prepared before I suggest or ask him to consider something.

As a side note, this used to really bug me about him. Why couldn’t he just make a snap decision? Why is all this information necessary before deciding? And then once he has the information it often takes days for him to consider it and pray about it.

What I have learned from him is that as I prepared for the questions I knew he would ask there were often times I would see what I thought was a NEED really wasn’t. By praying and preparing there were also times I would see wrong motives or selfishness. But by having a plan and marking out everything before hand we often saved money or ended up with something better than what I would have “settled” for.

So I learned that before going to my husband I needed to prepare not only for the questions he would have but I also needed to prepare my own heart. In all the years we’ve been married I must admit that my husband rarely denies anything I ask of him, but when he does I find that it is most often those times I haven’t first really prayed and prepared my own heart.

I don’t think God is any different. Before going to His word to hear from Him or ask anything of Him I need to prepare my heart. Sure the preparation is different than that for my husband but they both still require a preparedness of my own heart.

I am not going to be able to hear from God if there is sin in my heart. It will be impossible for me to hear Him if my motives or attitudes are wrong. So there are a few things I need to do BEFORE I go to God so that I can hear clearly His word to me.

• First I must cleanse my heart. It needs to be cleansed of sin, wrong motives, and other distractions.
• Pray for a heart that is hungry. A heart that is ready to receive His word, His instructions.
• Pray for a heart that is disciplined. I need to be willing to follow through and persevere no matter what may come my way. How can I ever expect to hear from God if my heart hasn’t been disciplined to listen?
• Pray for a heart that is obedient. We need to have a heart that is ready to obey whatever it is that we receive from God. We don’t want to be a hearer only of His word. We want to be doers of the Word we receive from God.

The ways that I must prepare for my husband and for God are different and yet both require preparation and prayer. Both require that I seek my own heart with eyes ready to see what is right, ready to see what is best.

How blessed are those whose way is blameless, who walk in the law of the LORD. How blessed are those who observe His testimonies, who seek Him with all their heart; they also do no unrighteousness; they walk in His ways. (Ps 119:1-3)

My soul is crushed with longing after Your ordinances at all times. (Ps 119:20)

Verse are taken from NASB. Bolded words are mine.

Until Death Separates

Marriage, a lifelong commitment.
Love, a choice one makes
regardless of your feelings
of the moment.

To commit to another soul means
that you are joined to that person
and nothing can break
the bond.

When feelings come that go
against your commitment of love,
you must battle the
urge to flee.

 

To flee from love
is to take the easy path,
to walk away is to say
that you were never
committed to that person.
No one ever said it would
be easy.

 

Marriage is a commitment.

With God at the center
it is possible to go the distance.

It is possible to weather the storms.

With God it is possible to stay together

until death separates you.

 

 

 

Today I am also joining The Alabaster Jar…

 

 

What Makes a Marriage Last?

What makes a marriage last, grow, and filled with love?

My first response would be a mutual commitment to God and one another, and yet sadly statistics would not back that statement up. Recent surveys show that divorce is just as high in the church as outside the church. And I know plenty of Christian marriages that are not filled with a growing, deeper love for one another.

So what IS the difference?

Keith and I  have talked quite a bit about this because we have often been asked how we have maintained such a good, solid marriage. What have we done to grow deeper in love? What have we learned or done along the way that has helped us, not only stay together, but grow together? As we've pondered those questions I believe God has give us insight to share.

First of all it IS all about having a commitment to God and one another! Unfortunately today many do not understand commitment or keeping a promise. So even to use those words sometimes it loses the depth of the meaning. I personally like to use the word covenant. We are in a marriage covenant with one another and God. A covenant that says I will stay beside you, love you, and encourage you no matter what life may bring. It says we are one and nothing but death can separate us. Keith and I decided very early in our marriage that the word divorce or separation would never be an option, we would always work through our differences.

A covenant marriage is about serving your mate, being Christ to them. Putting their needs above your own. It's about praying for one another and with each other. Learning to laugh together. For more on Covenant Marriage click here.

Communication is huge. Learning to talk heart to heart openly and without fear is so important. We talk and talk and talk through those things that we are struggling with. We share our hopes, dreams, disappointments, failures and sin with one another. My husband is not always good at this, and doesn’t really like to talk on about emotions. He often likes to keep things inside, which is total opposite of me who will often just spill it all out. So I patiently taught him how important it was. (OK! OK! sometimes I wasn't so patient) but the point being that we can teach one another what is needed. I was able to, over time, teach my husband it was okay to talk about emotions. And he has taught me that sometimes we need to just let each other process our thoughts and feelings before spilling out all our emotional stuff!

Be content with your role in the marriage. I, as a wife, have learned to be joyful and content in my role as his help meet. Yes it was a long process to get here, and yes, there are days I struggle. But quite honestly the days I fail, the days I try to "rule the roost" I have gone to God and my husband to ask for forgiveness. But I have learned that while I can have a voice, I can have an opinion and I can make decisions God has placed the husband with greater accountability for our marriage and I need to respect that.
Keith has learned to love, cherish and lead our family. But please hear me on this, our husbands will only lead when we let them. I hear so many women complain that their husbands don't lead. My question is always, "Are you letting them?" Ladies we need to be obedient to God and allow our husbands to lead, even if that means letting him fail. God will deal with his heart. God will mold him into the man He desires. I can not be the Holy Spirit in my husbands life. I can not change him, only God can. And like wise Keith has learned that only God can change me. So we have given each other room to make mistakes, to fail and allow God to do a work in us and through us.

Be best friends. I know that seems so elementary, and easy. But we must realize it doesn’t just happen. We have to spend time together, quality time. We have always made family time and couple time a priority. Many couples do well with family time to only fail at setting time aside for themselves. Couples need to continue “dating” throughout their married life. Often those who do not put time into their marriage find that when the kids are grown and gone there are two strangers living in the same house.

Recognize that marriage is HARD work. A good marriage doesn't just happen, you have to work at it. It has to be important enough to you that you are willing to sacrifice daily for the continued health of it. You can't let your children, your parents, or your girlfriends come before your husband. After God he is your first priority. God gave me to my husband to be his help meet and that means to come along side him and help him.
Realize there is no thing as a perfect marriage or perfect husband/wife. We realize that neither of us are perfect, so how could we have a perfect marriage.But we have made our relationship to one another a priority over every other relationship. We have worked hard at it, and not given up. We have stood in the mud together (and most likely threw mud at each other) but then we both help with the clean up.

My husband and I both are committed to our Lord and I know that your circumstance could be different making it more difficult. But as a Christian wife we are still called into obedience to God regardless of whether or not our husbands are Christians. You can read more about this here or here.

Of course there is so much more I could share practically on how we can do these things, but it would be a whole book!

You might also enjoy the story of how we met here.

What Is It Like To Be Married To You?

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24

Have you ever thought about what it might be like to be married to you? So often we don’t really stop and think about what our actions and attitudes are toward our spouse. We tend to think in terms of “this is the way I am, they have to love me” or “If they would treat me better I might treat them better.” Both of these thoughts are wrong. As discussed in How Should I Treat My Husband we learned that Scripture has a lot to say about how we are to treat one another, and those “one another’s” include our husband.

So in truth how I treat my spouse should have nothing to do with him. I am to be obedient to God and treat my spouse as God tells me. I think today we should ask ourselves a few questions about our actions and attitudes.

We should ask ourselves, “What is it like being married to me?” I challenge you to sit alone before the Lord as you pray through the following questions. Ask God to reveal those things in your life that aren’t honoring to your spouse or to your God. Confess whatever sinful ways God points out to you.

I ask that the Lord would help you work on your own issues — your own “planks” that need to be removed. This is a time to consider the weaknesses you personally contribute to your marital relationship. DO NOT use this time to point out your mate’s weaknesses, but go humbly and honestly before God and ask if there is any hurtful way in YOU and ME!

• Do I speak to my spouse in a dishonoring way so they feel belittled? (You may feel justified in speaking this way to them but the result could be that your spouse will eventually avoid being with you and instead seek to be with others who don’t belittle them the way you do.)
•Do I give them my full attention when they’re trying to communicate with me? Do they feel that what they have to say is important to me? Or am I trying to multi-task?
•Do I have a tendency to lecture or berate them making them feel like a child?
•Do I lose my temper easily? When I am angry do my words tend to be words that could make them feel assaulted? (This could cause them to shut down mentally and emotionally from hearing what you’re trying to communicate.)
•Do I treat “outsiders” with more love and respect than I do my own spouse?
•Do I use cutting humor with my spouse, saying, “I’m just kidding…” and yet my spouse has shown they don’t think what I’ve said is funny? And do I do this in front of others so that my spouse feels humiliated?
•Am I patient with my spouse, bearing with his weaknesses?
•Does my marriage partner ever complain that I act like I am better than them (and deep down I think it’s true)?
•Do I often act irritable or are you hyper-sensitive in your thoughts and actions with them?
•Do I keep bringing up things from the past — things they’ve already asked forgiveness for? (This can result in their feeling that they’ll never be able to escape their past actions with you no matter what they do.)
•Am I living a trustworthy life so my spouse doesn’t need to be concerned that I will violate their trust in me? And do I find ways to show them my trustworthiness? Do I participate in anything that Christ would see as “deeds of darkness” which could bring unhealthiness into my marital partnership? (See: Ephesians 5:11)
•Do I try to be a peacemaker in my home? (See: Ephesians 4:3; Romans 12:18)
•Do I protect my spouse’s feelings and their dignity, in how I speak and interact with them, both when I am alone and when I’m with others? Do I say things about my spouse to others that could hurt their feelings and integrity?(See: 1 Corinthians 13:7)
•Have I become such a serious person that I rarely laugh or try to have fun times in our relationship – times like we used to have before we married?
•Do I make an effort to show that I value being married to them above anyone else?
•Am I a negative person to live with? Do I need to make more of an effort to be more positive in how I interact with my spouse so I don’t drag down their spirits also?
•Do I look for ways to compliment and encourage my spouse when I am alone as well as when I’m with others?
•Am I gracious to my spouse so that when they make mistakes they still feel accepted and loved by me?
•Do I actively participate in making me marriage a better one? Do I show by my actions as well as by my words that I am in partnership with them?

Some of these questions are very difficult because my heart is convicted and I see that being married to me isn’t always a bed of sweet smelling roses. I have a lot of areas where I know that I need to treat my husband better.

There are days it seems too difficult. I must remember that the Lord walks with me and strengthens me. Why is it so hard anyway? It would be nice if I could blame my husband. But I can’t, not because he is perfect, but because I recognize that at all times my actions and attitudes are to bring glory to God regardless of how others might treat me.

If my husband isn’t treating me the way he should it doesn’t give me the right to treat him in a bad way. Yes, that can be hard. I battle my flesh that says I want to give it right back to him. But God’s Spirit is at work in me and I truly desire to be the wife God is creating me to be.
So those times I fail, I  MUST go to my husband to ask for his forgiveness…
 
You might also enjoy

Learning to Love in Marriage

Who is my husband anyway?

Marriage is a covenant

In Covenant we are one

How should I treat my Husband?

What if He Doesn't Deserve My Respect?

How Should I Treat My Husband?

It’s Monday and time to reflect on Marriage! IF you are just joining me or have missed a few weeks feel free to catch up here.

 

Last week we looked at the symbols of a Covenant and how they reflect our relationships in marriage. The two symbols looked at were the Robe and the Armor. When the robe is being exchanged it is a symbol of putting on the other person as if becoming one. So in marriage we exchange our “robes” and become one flesh.

 

The Armor shows us that we have a come enemy. Because we are one whatever our enemy does to our partner he does to us. Our enemy is Satan and he desires to destroy our marriages. Together we fight and guard our partners from attacks.

 

Remember, because we are one with each other and one with Christ then anything I do to my husband I am doing to Christ.  In whatever way I treat a brother or sister in Christ it is as if I am doing it to Christ Himself. (Acts 9:1-7)

 

So then, how should we treat our husbands?

 

Scripture has a lot to say about how we are to treat one another. You know all those one another verses like, love one another, serve one another, submit to one another, be kind, compassionate, patient toward one another? ALL those verses apply to our husbands too. Lets just look at a few of them.

 

If at times you feel your husband is your enemy scripture says you are to love him. (Matt 5:43-48)

 

We are to be “tenderly affectionate” to another and give preference to one another. (Rom 12:10)

 

Our speech should be edifying toward each other. (Rom 14:19)

 

Galatians 5:13 we are told that through love we are to be “servants one to another.”

 

We should not provoke one another. (Gal 5:26)

 

We are to bear one another’s burdens. (Gal 6:2)

 

Be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving to each other. (Eph 4:32)

 

We are to be subjecting yourselves one to another. (Eph 5:21)

 

So how does your actions and attitude toward your husband compare to just this list? Read over it again and ask God what areas you might need forgiveness or some work in.

 

As I read over it I am convicted in a couple of areas that I could do better at. I want my attitude toward my husband to bring glory and honor to Christ and as I consider this list I can see I need some improvement. (sigh)

 

Well my dear sisters I think that might be enough for today! Next week I want to talk about love and respect for our husbands. I think this is an area that is extremely important and most often misunderstood. So I look forward to you joining me next week!

 

Don’t forget to leave a comment! Let me know what God is showing you in your relationship to your husband! How may I be praying this week for your marriage?

 

In Covenant We are One

This week I will continue with reflections on Marriage as a Covenant. If you missed last week I strongly suggest you read it before continuing. You can find it here.

The idea of covenant started with God. If you look throughout scripture, you will find that every covenant God makes with His people is based on a blood sacrifice. In the Old Testament (Old Covenant) covenant meant the cutting and sacrificing of animals. In the the New Testament (New Covenant) it meant the blood sacrifice of God’s Son.

God never enters into a permanent relationship with man without a covenant. God takes covenant very seriously a study of various covenants made in the Old Testament (Duet 4:31; 7:12; 1 Kings 19; Jeremiah 34:8-22) would show you when you make a covenant with God or man and break it you would die or pay whatever the consequences were.

When we “cut” a covenant with another it carries responsibilities. It’s some of these responsibilities that I want to look at today.

A good example to look at is the covenant made between Jonathan and David. While this is a covenant made between two friends it gives us a good look at the result of the covenant they made. It also gives us a picture of Christ and our covenant with Him. If you are not familiar with this story you can read it in 1 Samuel chapters 16-20.

David and Jonathan make a covenant of friendship because God knit their hearts together. (1 Samuel 20:12-23; 35-42) There are three involved in this covenant. David, Jonathan and God. Each have responsibilities.

Let’s look at David and Jonathan first, for their responsibilities are the same. 1 Samuel 18:4 says “Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, including his sword and his bow and his belt.” Isn’t that interesting? I wonder what the significance of it means?

The Robe: By checking my references and comparing scripture with scripture I find out that taking off one’s robe and giving it to another was a sign of “putting on” the other person. In the New Testament we learn that Jesus puts on our “robe” of humanity so that He could take our place on the cross and so now we can put on His robe of righteousness. Other covenants between man were often made by cutting a finger or arm and mixing their blood, some cultures would even mix the blood and drink it. These actions of putting on the robe or mixing of blood all symbolized the same thing, the two would become one. Check out these verses for more - Galatians 3:26-27, 2 Cor 5:21, Eph 4:20-24, Isaiah 61:10

The armor: The Armor was given to signify that they have a common enemy in the Philistines. We also have a common enemy. Col 1:13 tells us that when we receive Christ we gain Christ’s enemy, Satan. We have a common enemy with Christ and being in a covenant Marriage we also have a common enemy. The enemy is relentless in his attacks on the marriage of believers and the Christian family. So as husband and wife we do have a common enemy.

In Acts 9:1-7 we see Jesus asking Saul “why are you persecuting Me?”  But Saul was persecuting the Christians so why would Jesus say “I am Jesus whom you are persecuting”? Because when we are in covenant with Jesus we become one with Him. And by being one with Him anything I do or say to one of His it’s as if I am doing it to Christ.

So lets apply all this to our marriage. We are in covenant with God and our spouse (Of course I am assuming here that both spouses are believers, but even if you enter into a covenant with an unbeliever I believe the responsibilities are the same).

My spouse is my brother in Christ. So not only am I in a marriage covenant with him I am also in covenant with him as part of the family of God. So anything I say or do to him I am doing to Christ. Think about that for a few minutes. How I treat my spouse in my words and actions is as if I am treating Christ the same way.

If I treat my spouse in an unkind or unloving manner, I am treating Christ unkindly and unloving.
If I speak harshly to my spouse, I speak harshly to Christ.

I am sure you get the idea. It is sobering isn’t it?

In a marriage my husband and I are one, we share a common enemy. Therefore, if you treat my husband badly then you treat me badly. IF you hate my husband then you hate me. IF you fight against my husband you fight against me.

We are united as one with Christ in a covenant relationship. We can not be separated.

Oh may God forgive me! I am not the worlds worst wife I am sure – but let’s face it we all battle our flesh! And there are moments that I fail to treat my husband with Christlikeness! Oh God continue your work in my heart so that I might be more like you.