Finding My Father

Over the past few weeks, a memory from my nineteen-year-old self has begun to resurface in my mind, almost as if it were trying to tell me something. I can’t quite grasp why now; it has remained tucked away in my mind for years, perhaps forgotten entirely. I am sitting in a booth. Across from me sat a leader from a campus ministry I was involved in. I was nervous, afraid and unsure of what I was about to tell him.

I had requested this meeting because there was something heavy on my heart—a confession I desperately needed him to hear from my own lips rather than through the whispers of others. It was about a sin I had committed, one that would soon come to light, changing my life forever.

As I revealed my burden, he listened quietly for a few moments, a deep sadness reflected in his eyes. I braced myself for judgment, but instead, I encountered an overwhelming sense of empathy. His eyes conveyed genuine sorrow rather than condemnation. Finally he asked, "Sharon, I have noticed for some time that it seems you are searching for something. What is it that you are looking for?" 

That question echoed in my mind, haunting me long after our conversation had ended. I struggled to find a response; I was lost and without direction. All I knew was that, despite being a Christian for three years, there was an unsettling emptiness within me. I felt like a ship adrift at sea, longing for land but unsure of my destination. What I failed to recognize in that moment—and what I would later come to understand—was that I was missing my Father. His love and presence were the very things my heart craved, even if I didn’t yet know it.

Ten years passed before I would begin a journey that would finally answer that question. In that time I followed Jesus but largely ignored the Father. I read the New Testament, but I did my best to stay away from the Old Testament. This disregard for the Old Testament wasn’t always a conscious choice. Before I became a Christian, I had once said that I didn't need God as a Father; I neither needed nor wanted a Father. So when a friend told me about Jesus, it was easier for me to accept Him. It’s not that I didn't believe in God the Father; I was simply ambivalent toward Him.

God brought a woman in my life who would become a dear friend. We raised our families together, prayed and studied God's word together. It was in those times spent with her and doing Bible study she would begin to share with me her relationship with her Father God. 

Her relationship with The Father was tender, merciful and unlike anything I knew  I wanted what she had. I wanted to feel no hesitation in running to the Father with my hopes, dreams, and my shame. I wanted to walk into the throne room, bow before the Father and feel loved, not constant condemnation. 

Now, some 30 years later I am more confident. I can still struggle but what I know that was different then is who God says He is. You see, I viewed my Heavenly Father through the lens of poor and abusive father figures. I have very few memories of my actual father but the men who came after him were not good. So my view of what a father should be like tainted my view of God. 

When I realized, or better said, when God revealed my wrong view of who God is I began searching for truth. I wanted to know who He was and is. I have mostly found that in studying God’s character through the studying if His names. With each name I gained a greater depth of who He is. I began to realize that all those years ago I was searching for my Father, my good, kind and merciful Heavenly Father. The Father who loves me unconditionally and sent Jesus to die for me. What an amazing love the Father has for me.

One of the studies that helped me tremendously was Kay Arthur’s Lord, I Want to Know You.  It is a study of the names of God  

Calm my Heart, Lord

Father, my heart has been so anxious. Thousands of thoughts run across my mind. The questions and concerns. The what if’s. You hear them all. 

I speak truth. You are there. But I long for healing. I long for answers but none seem to come. At least not the ones I was hoping for. I don’t want to be here, in this place, at this moment. I wonder how long, Oh God, will you wait to return? 

As I cry out to You and voice my troubles, my pain, concerns, and doubts, I know you hear me. I know You are good and have a plan for my life. You are trustworthy. You have it all in your sovereign control. 

Father, thank you calming my anxious thoughts. Thank you for Your peace, comfort and grace. Thank you for restoring my joy in You! 

Hope For The Dry Soul

I love it when God begins to speak a message into your heart. A message of truth. A needed reminder. A message that begins to seep into the dried, cracked places of your soul and begins to awaken seeds that have been laying dormant ready to flourish.

 The interesting thing about this particular message, and possibly every message we hear, is that it's not anything profoundly new. It is simply a message of truth that comes together and awakens us to be reminded of what has been forgotten. (Because we are a forgetful people and need the constant reminders.)

So this message from God began as I sat in worship services this past weekend and scribbled this note, "we can read and pray all we want but, unless we believe, it will not help in those times of dryness, isolation, and feelings of hopelessness. We need to cry out, "Lord, help me believe!""

Then in my reading time I read John 6:44 which reminded me that no one can come to Jesus unless the Father draws him. In other words there is nothing I can do to make me want or believe Jesus. I just can't muster up anything to make myself  grow, change, pray, read my Bible etc. If it is dependent upon my will and want to it's just not going to happen and I am going to stay right where I am. I will forever wander in a dry, isolated, hopeless place. 

Even as I read Psalms 107 this week I was reminded that it is He that satisfies my soul. He will fill me with what is good. He leads and delivers me. He is the one that brings me our of darkness and it is His word that heals me. (verses 6,9,14,20)

My only hope is to cry out to the Father and pray, "Lord, draw me closer to You that I might know You! Fill my soul with a desire to follow You! Lead me! Heal me! Change me! Help me believe!" 

As I reflected on these truths this morning I was reminded that those times when reading and praying seem dry and unhelpful perhaps even hopeless I need to cry out to my Father and ask Him to draw me into His word so that I might know Him. Sometimes, okay maybe a lot of times, I come to God in my quite time expecting to "get" something instead of just coming in order that I might know Him.

 I don't always know what I am looking to get out of my time with God but maybe it's not about me anyway and it's simply about drawing closer to My Father. 

Father draw me closer to You. Help me in those areas of unbelief and allow the truth of who You are flow deep down into my heart in order that I might live it out. Satisfy my soul with all of who You are and fill it good so that I might know you in a greater way. Amen.

A Wave of Sorrow

Have you ever stood out in the ocean with the water at your knees and allowed the waves to wash over you? Then all of a sudden one comes in, it's stronger than it looks and knocks you over. You lose your balance, hit the bottom of the ocean, fight for the surface, and when you come up your gasping for air. It took only seconds, but you felt like you might drown. It was only a moment of panic, then it was gone, then once again you were out enjoying the ocean waves.

Sorrow can be a lot like this. It does not matter how much time has passed by since that last wave caught you off guard. It just comes with no warning, for what seems to be no reason.

Yesterday I was driving down the highway headed to an appointment. Nothing had happened prior to this point that would have caused the thought. I hadn't seen any recent pictures or even thought of him in quite some time.

And yet...there it was...like a sudden wave washing over me.

I MISSED my daddy.

I could not explain it, but there was that all too familiar longing of wanting to run into my father's arms. Oh how I imagine those loving, safe arms around me.

It's been 47 years, the intensity of the pain is less, but there is still sorrow. There is still the longing of that “felt” safety of his arms. A safe place which speaks of rest, protection and comfort. A place which offers acceptance and love.

Years of being in this familiar place reminded me that while I do miss my earthly father, what my heart truly longs for is an even greater intimacy with my Heavenly Father. For even the love and safety of an earthly Father can not replace or fill the need of my Heavenly Father.

So once again I remember my daddy. I remember those precious five years I had with him. I give thanks for the love and life he gave me. I am so very grateful that he was my daddy. Then I run into the arms of my Father and I press in to know His heart in an even deeper way. And I rest.

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;

My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary,To see Your power and Your glory.

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips will praise You.

So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.

Ps 63:1-4

His Word, Refreshing to My Soul

The sun is shining, it’s gorgeous outside! Yet within, my soul is sad. I awoke this morning in a place of physical pain and feeling tired. My emotions were all over the place. Feeling alone, forgotten and unwanted.

Feelings. We can’t always trust them. We can’t always live them out as if they were true. So often they lie to us.

The reality is I am tired, actually it’s more like exhausted. I haven’t been to the doctor but all the sign are there, I am iron deficient. I’ve been here before, many times, so give me a few days of iron pills and raw green smoothies and it will be better. But being this tired doesn’t help with the emotional feelings. Yet, it does help in knowing I need to fight all that much hard to believe and focus on what I know is true.

You see, when we are physically exhausted, and/or in pain, it effects our ability to fight the spiritual and emotional. Coming to the place of recognizing that is huge. I haven’t always understood the importance of what is going on in the physical body and how it effects the other…but that would take another blog post.

How do I fight though when everything in me wants to unplug my phone, stay away from people and to go to bed? God is my only hope. He is the only one I can believe and trust. Today He spoke the words of Psalms 34 to me. The words are beautiful, refreshing to my soul.

I will bless the LORD at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul will make its boast in the LORD; The humble will hear it and rejoice.  O magnify the LORD with me, And let us exalt His name together.

I will bless You! Regardless of how I feel or what is going on in my life I will boast in You. I will praise Your name!

I sought the LORD, and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant, And their faces will never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him And saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him, And rescues them. 

Thank you for answering my hearts cry. You will deliver me from my fears, You will save me from myself and the lies that my emotions speak.

O taste and see that the LORD is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!  O fear the LORD, you His saints; For to those who fear Him there is no want. The young lions do lack and suffer hunger; But they who seek the LORD shall not be in want of any good thing.

Oh YES! You are good, You are the one I can take refuge in! I will seek You in this place of exhaustion and focus on Your goodness to me!

Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.  Who is the man who desires life And loves length of days that he may see good?  Keep your tongue from evil And your lips from speaking deceit.  Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it.

Teach me Lord. Teach me to see Your goodness in all of life. Help me to see as You see. Teach me to discern between evil and good so that I might choose to do good.

The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous And His ears are open to their cry.The face of the LORD is against evildoers, To cut off the memory of them from the earth. The righteous cry, and the LORD hears And delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the broken hearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Oh Lord, I know You see me. I know You hear me. Thank you for Your faithfulness in drawing near to me on days like today. Thank you that You do not abandon me when I am down. I am so grateful for Your presence in my life!

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the LORD delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones, Not one of them is broken. Evil shall slay the wicked, And those who hate the righteous will be condemned. The LORD redeems the soul of His servants, And none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned.

Lord I am reminded that all over the world Your children are facing life and death trials. They are being beaten, broken and killed for Your name’s sake. No matter what happens here on this earth to our bodies, no matter how bad it gets, or how bad we might feel, You will deliver us. You HAVE delivered us! You have redeems us and no matter what happens to our bodies our souls can take refuge in You.

We can have joy everlasting in all circumstances knowing that our soul has been redeemed and one day soon we will be with You forever. Amen.

To Follow Him Only

I’ve been making my through God Searches For A Heart Fully His as my quiet time. When I do a PUP Study as part of my quiet time it typically takes longer than it would in a group study. If I have time I will do the who days homework, if not I just break it into sections. Regardless I have thoroughly enjoyed this time learning about how to have a heart that is fully His. It is the desire of my heart.

I want my heart, my life, to be completely His, don’t you? I have written other blogs while doing this study, here, here, here and here if you would like to read more.

Now on to something I saw last week in my studies and have been anxious to share it with you!

I’ve been in 2 Chron 17 –19 learning about King Jehoshaphat. He was the king of Judah during King Ahab of Israel. But for today I want to concentrate on chapter 17. He is described as a man who the Lord was with. He followed David’s example and did not seek the Baals. Jehoshaphat sought the Lord and followed His commandments. Then in the last part of verse 4 it says, “and he did not act as Israel did.”

Chapter 17 goes on to tell us that he took great pride in the ways of the Lord and removed the high places. He also sent out officials and priests to teach the book of the law to the people throughout the cities of Judah. Jehoshaphat had great riches and honor among the nations and they did not make war on him.

Jehoshaphat is off to a good start and we get a clear look at a heart that seeks God. A heart that is fully His is one that seeks the Lord. He follows the commandments and does not worship other gods.

Throughout this study I have seen other kings described in similar ways. But here there was something different. Something new I hadn’t seen before and it struck my heart and I’ve been chewing on it since.
Verse 4 tells us, “and he did not act as Israel did.” Why was this mentioned? I mean I would understand it saying “he did not act as the nations around him.” That is something God had said over and over to His people. But to not act as Israel? Were they not also apart of His people?

To find out why read more here.

To Finish Well

In my last blog post I shared how King Asa was a king that sought the Lord. He removed idols from the kingdom and He restored the things in house of God.

I shared “…the LORD is with you when you are with Him. And if you seek Him, He will let you find Him; but if you forsake Him, He will forsake you.” (2 Chron 15:2) God was with the King. God gives Asa a reign of peace, without war. We are even told that King “…Asa's heart was blameless...” (2 Chron 15:7)

At this point you could say that King Asa was off to a good start. A life that pleases God. A life that seeks God in all he does. He was running his race and he was winning, so to speak. He was living a life of peace in the land. But if you read verse 19 of chapter 15 you see that things change in the 35th year of his reign.

Beginning in 2 Chron 16 we see that war breaks out. Now you would think that King Asa would remember that in the past God helped them defeat an army of a million men. (16:8-9) King Asa had prayed to God (16:11) for help and God answered. (16:12-15) But this time when war comes King Asa takes matters into his own hands. He doesn’t seek God’s counsel. He makes a treaty with the king of Aram.

Was he over confident in his own abilities? Had he became complacent during those 30 plus years of peace? Scripture doesn’t tell us why this change in Asa. All we know for sure is that when he was in trouble this time he relied on man (King Aram) for help. So we know something in the heart of Asa had changed. King Asa did not win this battle. God was displeased.

2 Chron 16:7 tells us “…Hanani the seer came to Asa king of Judah and said to him, "Because you have relied on the king of Aram and have not relied on the LORD your God, therefore the army of the king of Aram has escaped out of your hand.” Hanani goes on to remind Asa of the time he has sought the Lord in war and God has answered." and then says “For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His. You have acted foolishly in this. Indeed, from now on you will surely have wars” (16:9)

I don’t know about you but I like happy endings. Unfortunately King Asa didn’t finish well. He did not have a happy ending to his life. At this point King Asa could have fallen before the Lord in humility and confessed that he had sinned against God. But King Asa did not. Instead he became angry and put the seer in prison. Scripture says he was “Enraged”. He was so upset that not only did he take his anger out on the seer but he also oppressed some of the people. (16:10-11)

Because of King Asa’s actions God choose to give him a disease of his feet. 2 Chronicles says in 16:12 that the disease was severe but even in this King Asa did not seek the Lord. Instead he choose to put his trust in the physicians. Two years later King Asa would die. 

As I look at King Asa’s life I wonder about my own walk on this earth. Do I seek God’s council or man’s? Who do I most often put my trust in? My dear sisters I don’t know about you but I want to finish well. I want to come to the end of my life and know that I have finished my race. I want to know that I have ran it with endurance. (Heb 12:1) I do not want to be one that shrinks back but one that has faith to preserve. (Heb:35-39)

How can I persevere to the end? I am sure my list is NOT exhaustive but this is what came to my mind as I was reflecting on Asa’s poor finish.

God wants a heart that is completely His. 2Chron16:9 God doesn’t want bits and pieces of our lives that we are willing to give Him, He wants access to all of our life. God wants someone who seeks Him and Him alone. Our whole life belongs to Him.

Our confidence must be in God. Hebrews chapter 10:35 says Therefore don’t throw your confidence away. But then what should we place our confidence in? Hebrew 10:1-34 tells us to place our confidence in Jesus Christ whose sacrifice is sufficient for us all. Our confidence is in the power of a living God who was raised from the dead.

We need endurance. We must understand that times in this life will be hard. We WILL have struggles, trials and temptations. When we face circumstances that seem impossible we need to persevere through it in the strength of Christ. We can not run to man (or woman) but we must run to God. (Heb. 10)

Remember past victories.  Hebrews 11 gives us a long list of those who persevered in their faith. We see men and women who faced unbelievable circumstances and yet they kept there faith in the God who would deliver them. Then in Heb. 12:1a we are told “Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us…” Remember the pass victories of others and in your own life. Believe that if God worked things out before He is working things out now.

Lay aside this life. Hebrews 12:1b says “let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” I think it’s fairly self explanatory and yet not always so easily done. But we must pursue a life that lives separated from things in this world. WE must stay away from those things or people that easily distract us and ends up getting us entangled in to sin. We must lay aside our selfish desires and press on toward a life that finishes well.

Oh Father help me to run my race with endurance. Help me to lay aside those things that keep me from running a good race. Show me those places in my heart that I have held from you. Father I desire to to run a race that is pleasing to You. I want a heart that is wholly yours, a heart that seeks you and you alone. And yet I am so weak. I give in so easily to my flesh!

“O LORD, there is no one besides You to help in the battle between the powerful and those who have no strength ; so help me, O LORD my God, for I trust in You” 2 Chron 14:11

A Word of Encouragement

I love it when the Word of God speaks into my heart with encouragement at just the time I need it. For months I have felt distant from God, a lack of passion to really seek Him. It’s been especially hard since I haven’t had a Bible Study or a person to study with.  You know, someone to help keep me accountable to be in the word. Someone to encourage me, listen to me process, and to just grow together. We all need that right?

Then I remembered the message God had given me at the beginning of the year. He gave me Psalm 24:4-5 which says "He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to falsehood and has not sworn deceitfully. He shall receive a blessing from the Lord..." From this verse and various books He has had me read, I have come face to face with my idols. Like my tendency to run to people instead of God.

If I run to people instead of God I am saying I do not trust God. I am saying He alone isn’t enough. In essence I am telling God “I only need you if I can’t figure this out on my own”. I’ve even said “I just want/need Jesus with skin on!” While we understand the meaning of that phrase to mean sometimes God uses people to give a hug or a word at just the right time as if God Himself were doing it, it isn’t something He chooses to do all the time.

So what do you do when you are feeling like you need “Jesus with skin on” and He says “I am enough”? What happens when weeks and months go by without “feeling” His presence in a tangible way?

Here is what God showed me today. This is the truth from His very voice that was spoken to my heart.

"…LORD, there is no one besides You to help in the battle between the powerful and those who have no strength ; so help us, O LORD our God, for we trust in You… 2 Chron 14:11

And this, “…the LORD is with you when you are with Him. And if you seek Him, He will let you find Him; but if you forsake Him, He will forsake you.” 2 Chron 15:2

And this, …"But you, be strong and do not lose courage , for there is reward for your work."… 2 Chron 15:7

 

As I read through 2 Chronicles I was reminded that my part is to seek the Lord. I am to seek Him with my whole heart. I am to purge the idols and rid my life of the things that distract me from spending time with Him. (2 Chron 15:5-16)

God sent Asariah to King Asa in Chapter 15 with a message from God. The way the king responded gives me much food for thought.

First, he received the message and took courage. In other words he didn’t need to think about it. He didn’t need to talk it over with anyone. He accepted it as truth.

Second, he removed all the idols. He heard from God, knew God was with him so then he acted. He did not whine or argue or think he had a better way. He just went to work doing what was needed.

Then he restored the altar. This is huge. When we begin removing the idols of our heart we must then replace the idols with truth. We must allow the sweet promises of God to be restored into our soul.

He gathered the people together. We do need community. I find it interesting that Asa only gathered the people after he removed the idol and restored the altar. Knowing God was with him he did what God required, then  he went to the people. When the people saw Asa they could tell that the Lord was with with him.(15:9b)

Does my community see God in me? A good question to ponder.

Finally, together with the community, they gave sacrifices to the Lord and entered into a covenant. Once Asa heard from the Lord and worked out that which needed to be done he entered a covenant. We do need those around us to help remind us of that which God has done and is doing. We need the community around us in order to rejoice together in what God is doing.

Asa had a prophet give him a message from the Lord. I have his word. I need to remember that God has already told me how I am to live and what I am to be. I do not need to go to others first, I need to go to God. I need to pursue the life God has for me. I am to SEEK Him, no one else.

Community comes after we have heard from God, and we’ve walked in obedience. We can not “gather the people” before we’ve allowed God to work in our own hearts. God does the work in our hearts not people.

What happens when we seek God with our whole heart? We find Him. What happens when we are obedient and removed the idols from our hearts? We have peace? Peace in this world? No, but we have peace in our soul and with God.

I love and get much encouragement from 2 Chron 15:17,

“But the high places (cultic platform, places of worship) were not removed from Israel; nevertheless Asa's heart was blameless all his days.” 2 Chron 15:17

There is so much more to learn about Asa, why not read it for yourself? His story is found in 2 Chron 14-16.

Setting The Record Straight

I must be doing it wrong!

A recent conversation has been turning over in my mind lately. The conversation went SOMETHING like this…

I was sharing with a young woman that recently I’ve really been struggling in my time with the Lord. It just seems like I am wandering without any real purpose. I spend time in the word out of obedience and a desire to know God deeper but it’s as if the passion is waning. I went on to explain that I’ve learned to fight through these times but for some reason this time it’s harder. I feel more alone…like I am fighting alone.

Her response? “Wow, that really surprises me. I thought you were strong spiritually and had it together. I thought you were passionate about the word, about God and your pursuit of Him.” She went on to say that this discouraged her because what hope did she have it I didn’t have it together!

I must admit for a moment I was speechless. It caught me a bit off guard. I then answered her saying “I must be doing something wrong if you think that I have my life together. I am not by any means falling apart, away or giving up. I’m just finding the battle at the moment hard. If anything I would hope me sharing that would encourage you. We all go through times like this but must allow it to draw us close to God. Seeking Him for answers and guidance.”

She said she understood, but since then I have wondered, “Do others think I have it together?” Do they believe that I am some “super” Christian with my life all figured out? Do I portray an attitude that I don’t suffer, doubt or struggle?

Trust me I don’t have all the answers.

I do struggle through pain and heartache. There are moments days I behave in such a manner that does not show the woman I WANT to be. I fight insecurities and wrong thinking ALL THE TIME. My life is NOT perfect. In fact I very much identify (I could have written these words they almost perfectly describe me) with Jaci Velasquez lyrics in her song “The Real Me” 

“I've got my bad days, and some are even worse
I can be a blessing and you know, I can be a curse
I tremble at rejection, I'm scared to be alone
Sometimes I may be selfish, but I always make it home

I know that I'm demanding and sometimes insecure
I think I've got the answers, but then I'm not so sure
I sometimes need attention a little more than I should
But there is a part of me that would give the whole world if I could”

I guess I would like to think that I am not any different than any other woman out there who is pursuing God. A woman who fails, yet reaches up for the hand of Jesus and keeps walking toward a life of holiness.

Can you accept me as I am knowing I am not the woman I want to be? 

Can you love me knowing that I struggle just like you do? I have the same fears, weaknesses, insecurities and doubts about myself, about life? It doesn’t mean my life is falling apart it just means I am human.

I don’t want my life to look as if I “have it all together” but I do want it to look like I am pursuing, longing and running after Jesus.

Jehovah Nissi- The Lord is My Banner

 Whenever I see this name of God I am reminded of the song we often sang in Sunday School…

Jesus is the rock of my salvation,
His banner over me is love.
Jesus is the rock of my salvation,
His banner over me is love.
Jesus is the rock of my salvation,
His banner over me is love.
His banner... over me... is love

But I always wondered what it meant by “His banner over me is love”? What I understood then was that Jesus’s love was a banner over me. I suppose in a child’s mind it was enough. It was a simple truth.

A time came when I thought there must be more to see. More to understand of God through this name of His. Whether a gift or curse I always think there is a deeper meaning to things. Not only do I think it but then I must seek it. I want to understand. My thirst for knowledge is often both a curse and a blessing.

It wasn’t until years later that I began to understand the deeper, great meaning of Jehovah Nissi, the Lord our Banner. I began to understand how this name is applied to my life daily.

My understanding came in the studying of the word Nissi. BlueLetter.com says that Nissi comes from Nes (nês), which means “banner” in Hebrew. Nes is sometimes translated as a pole with an insignia attached.

Okay, so God is our banner…a pole with an insignia attached. Huh? I had to go deeper and began trying to understand the word banner. Why the word banner? What is a banner used for? What would it have meant to Moses?

Of course I knew what the dictionary says about banner. It’s a long strip of cloth bearing a slogan or design. We use banners everywhere today. But what does that have to do with the Lord being our banner?

I went back to the word of God. What was the context in Exodus 17:8-16 of the Lord is our Banner?

Then Amalek came and fought against Israel at Rephidim.  So Moses said to Joshua, "Choosemen for us and go out, fight against Amalek. Tomorrow I will station myself on the top of the hill with the staff of God in my hand."  Joshua did as Moses told him, and fought against Amalek ; and Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. So it came about when Moses held his hand up, that Israel prevailed, and when he let his hand down, Amalek prevailed. But Moses' hands were heavy. Then they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it; and Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other. Thus his hands were steady until the sun set. So Joshua overwhelmed Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword.  Then the LORD said to Moses, "Write this in a book as a memorial and recite it to Joshua, that I will utterly blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven."  Moses built an altar and named it The LORD is My Banner; and he said, "The LORD has sworn ; the LORD will have war against Amalek from generation to generation."

Do you see it? Moses, with the staff of God in his hand, was being used by God as a banner. A banner or flag in a time of war gives soldiers a feeling of hope. It’s a focal point to remind them why they are fighting.

So, to flesh this out a bit more, Moses standing there with arms raised high, reminded them that the Lord was with them. He was fighting for them. He was fighting with them. It gave them hope. It allowed them to endure through the battle.

Oh then I saw! Oh my! Today our focal point, the “banner” that gives us hope and keeps us going is the cross of Christ. It’s Jesus and the finished worked of the cross.

So today if you find yourself in a battle with your enemy or the enemy remember that Jesus is the rock of your salvation. He is the banner over you. He fights for you and with you.

Today run to your Jehovah Nissi and find refuge. He alone is your hope in times of trials. He will cause you to stand firm and endure that which faces you today.

Undone by Your Grace

My heart is troubled as I look within and see the darkness that lurks there.

I want Jesus to empty me of my will, self-desires, self sufficiency and the idols that keep me from truly seeking my Fathers heart.

I long for the deepest part of God- to know His heart- to feel it beating inside me.

I long for it and yet it terrifies me.

His heart, His love, it will break me. I will be undone.

It is required in order to truly die to self. To give myself over completely. To be undone by His love. His grace.

My flesh rises up and wants to overpower my longing to die!! I must, once again, lay it all at the cross.

My focus should always be the cross and what happened there.

Christ dying for my sin. Conquering death, He lives.

My soul is weary. Weary of the battle. Fighting the flesh.

But weariness comes when I take my eyes off of Jesus, the cross and what was accomplished there.

Why does my flesh, my will, try to fight a battle that has already been won.

There is victory.

Victory has been won through Christ.

Father help me to surrender, to be completely undone by Your grace.

Help me rest.

Lost Passion

I sat there listening intently to our pastor bring forth truth from God’s word. It was a continuation of the week before. I was eager to hear more of how the Word of God works in our lives. In my life.

He asked a question. Do you love the word of God? Are you passionate about God’s word? Do you seek to uncover the treasures hidden within as if it were the purest of gold?

Yes, YES! My heart cried.

But since then I have heard God whisper ever so gently in my heart. “Do you really? Are you still passionate about being in my word like you once were?” The question haunted me. It cut deep within as it exposed truth. The truth of a lost passion.

I had not stopped being in the word. I was and am doing my daily readings as I go through in a year, but little beyond that. I’d pick up my Bible to study only to find myself distracted and seemingly without a purpose.

What was wrong? Was there sin? Am I just being lazy? Have I just lost my desire? But why would I loose desire for that which I loved so passionately before?

My heart was grieved. I looked to God for an answer. One of the first thoughts that came to my mind was, I am not in a Bible Study. I am not studying with other like-minded women. Studying the word together with others is such an encouragement. It keeps me accountable.

Studying deep, honestly, with vulnerability was what was missing. It has been a very long time since I have had that. That must be it. It had to be it. My spirit wouldn’t let it go. You see for some time now I have “whined” before God that there are no like-minded women to study with. Not that like to study the way I do. I’ve tried leading a study, but hardly anyone comes. So I get discouraged. I am discouraged.

I’m discouraged because I am looking at me. Somewhere along the line it became about me, AGAIN! It’s so frustrating to be here again. It’s not about me and what I think or want.  I KNOW THIS!!

It’s about what God wants to do in me and through me. It’s about God’s glory and how He chooses to reveal Himself to me. It is all about God. Why do I seem to need to learn this lesson over and over again?

I can not “blame” my loss of passion on the lack of having others studying with me. My lack of passion is due to a wrong attitude in my own heart. In my heart I had begun to slip back to old patterns of thinking. I desired intimacy with others instead of God. I want heart friends, sisters that would be there for me. I wanted it to be about meeting my needs.

In the beginning it sounded good since I wanted to do it through studying His word. But the lies of our idols can sound like truth and we begin to walk into their trap before we realize the danger we are in. It started out being about God and desiring to have other’s in my life that would walk with me, but it ended up being a desire to fulfill my feelings of discouragement, loneliness and being forgotten.

So here I am today, faced with a choice. Well that’s not really true, for there is only one choice and that is returning to my Jesus. I lost passion because I began to look to others instead of Him. I began to think in my mind that I needed more than just Him and His word. It’s not true. It’s not Jesus and ______, it’s Jesus. Period. Nothing more, nothing less.

You see what I had forgotten is that I need to go Jesus first. He wants me to run to Him and His word for all that my heart desires. Yes He wants us to be in community, but only after we’ve gone to Him.

When I am filled with Jesus and the truth of His word then…

• I have the right attitude in the midst of community.
• I come in order to serve and be “Jesus with skin on”.
• I do not look to be served and it’s not about me.
• I am better equipped to discern lies from truth.
• I am able to see the idols I am turning to instead of turning to God.

So what do I need to do today? Or as our Pastor asked at the end of his sermon “What do I need to apply immediately?”

It’s simple. First, I must pray. I need to confess. Confess that I have being running after other things instead of running to Him. I need to tell God the truth of my idols and wrong attitudes.

Second, I must choose to return to God and His promises. When I begin to turn to idols I have turned away from God and have begun the walk back to Egypt and slavery, just as the Israelites did in the Old Testament. I have chosen bondage over freedom. It needs to be a daily, moment by moment choice of turning my heart to God. My heart is so easily deceived. I must never think I can just run on auto pilot.

Third, I need to be diligent and on guard constantly. The enemy does not want to see God’s children enter into the fulfillment of God’s promises. He will deceive, lie and use words that seem like to truth to keep us from a passionate pursuit of God. The enemy is good at what he does, but those who are constantly before the face of God will not be so easily led back to Egypt.

Oh dear sisters, it’s a battle isn’t it? We can not let our guards down for even a second. Our enemy is just waiting to keep us from living a life lived in the freedom of God’s Spirit.

Today I began again. I will stop and do an about face. I will go to God’s word in obedience and know that He will meet me there. I will be patient, knowing that God does indeed have a plan for me, but for now I must seek Him whole heartedly.

My passion for His word will return as I return in obedience to the pursuing of His word.

I want to close using Psalm 119:169-176 as my prayer. As you read this take note exactly what the Psalmist is asking for. May our hearts desire the same as we seek Him with greater intimacy and passion.

“May my cry come before you, O LORD; give me understanding according to your word. May my supplication come before you; deliver me according to your promise. May my lips overflow with praise, for you teach me your decrees. May my tongue sing of your word, for all your commands are righteous.  May your hand be ready to help me, for I have chosen your precepts. I long for your salvation, O LORD, and your law is my delight. Let me live that I may praise you, and may your laws sustain me. I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not forgotten your commands.”

 

It’s been awhile since I’ve linked up to the below but I know you will be blessed as you read what other’s are learning…

Refresh Me

Sometimes it’s the little things in life, the mundane, and the inconveniences of life that makes us weary. They seem to drain every ounce of energy, of good and of Him.

But God says that it is He who satisfies. It is He who refreshes our soul. May you and I take a moment today to be refreshed in His Spirit.

In His love, faithfulness, grace and strength He promises to refresh. Today I cling to this. Today I ask that God restores me. That He would refresh this weary heart of mine.

Today I thank my God that He hears and He satisfies….

Destroying Idols

Dear children, keep yourselves from idols. 1 Jn 5:21 (NIV)

More than anything my heart desires greater intimacy with my Father in heaven. My heart cries out for it, longs for it.

My theme, my verse for last year was Hebrews 12:1-2 and can I just say honestly that I struggled mightily with what I needed to strip off or what sin was hindering my intimacy with God. I prayed, cried out to God to show me. I wanted to know. I longed to know. There was nothing. Silence.

I would do what Hebrews said and fix my eyes on Jesus, but it wasn’t working. It wasn’t enough. Can I be honest? Can I say what many often feel but are afraid to speak? He wasn’t enough. There it’s said, it’s in black and white and as I write it I know the truth behind it. It’s a lie. A sinful lie, an idol lie.

He is enough. That is truth. I know it. I do. At least in my head and most times in my heart. And this is the crux of the issue. This is the sin that hinders. It took all year to see it, but these last couple  of weeks have been huge in opening my eyes thanks to a friend who sent me the book Idol Lies: Facing the Truth about our Deepest Desires by Dee Brestin. I am only half way through but as I’ve been reading it God has been speaking to my heart. LOUDLY. The blinders are coming off and I am seeing the truth of my idols.

God spoke loudly when I read “Every believer needs to be set free, and it begins with getting past our denial, with seeing what we really idolize, and admitting this to God and to others. We may think, for example, that our deepest desire is for God, but in reality we are running to food, friendship, or Facebook to fill up our souls. We may think that our identity is in Christ, but in reality it may be in the success of our ministry, mothering, or marriage.”(1)

My idol will not be a surprise to those who know me well. In fact as I shared with my husband he smiled with a knowing smile and confirmed what I have been feeling. Too often I look to others and other things to fill that which only God can. Instead of running to God I run to others.

I long to be loved, accepted, wanted and no person can fill those needs. Only God can. But instead of running to God I turn to anything but Him.

“God knows that the stones in our hearts are painful. They destroy relationships and ministries and keep us from experiencing Him. When He sees the stones in our hearts, He is grieved. He wants to remove them so that life can flow.” (2)

This is where I am headed. I need to allow God to destroy the idols. To expose and remove them. Therefore I will be taking a break from all social media including my blog for the month of January. It could be longer I do not know. I do know I will wait upon the Lord to show me when to return. I am giving up all these things not so much because I believe ALL of social media is an idol in my life, but I don’t want anything to tempt me or keep me from hearing from God.

I do not want my heart to be divided. I want my heart to be pure before God. This leads me to my verses for 2013.

"The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it. The world and all its people belong to him. For he laid the earth’s foundation on the seas and built it on the ocean depths. Who may climb the mountain of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? Only those whose hands and hearts are pure, who do not worship idols and never tell lies. They will receive the Lord ’s blessing and have a right relationship with God their savior. Such people may seek you and worship in your presence, O God of Jacob. Psalms 24:1-6 NLT

Even as I write this my heart wonders what you will think. Will lose “followers”? Friends? Those that I have come to know and love? But God reminds me I only need to trust Him. Trust. Why does it always come back to that. To trust Him with all my life, my relationships.

I would appreciate and welcome your prayers. And those who are friends with me around the web feel free to keep me accountable if you “see” me before February. I will still answer email, so if you need to you can contact me there.

I am so thankful for each of you and wish you a Happy New Year. See you in February.

 

(1)Brestin, Dee (2012-09-11). Idol Lies: Facing the Truth About Our Deepest Desires (p. 6). Ingram Distribution. Kindle Edition

(2)Ibid., (p. 13)

Final Reflections…

As I look back on the year 2012 I am reminded of the blessings of family, friends and an amazing God who daily chooses to pour out His grace on me. So as the year comes to a close here are a few final thoughts.

The year began with a verse. Hebrews 12:1-2. “Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I have a great cloud of witnesses. This year God reminded me of my own “cloud of witnesses”. Those who He brought into my life in order to help me grow. I was blessed by two separate visits from couples of my youth who poured spiritual life into me. It was a reminder that God had always been with me, even in the darkest hours. I began “The Women I Come From” as a result of one of their visits.

We all have those in our past who God has given to be our mothers, sisters, brothers and fathers. They have been gifts along the way. Some where along the line I had forgotten. I had forgotten the gift of those who poured into my life, my heart and pointed me toward a deeper walk with Jesus.

I am thankful to God for each of them. I am thankful that God gave my this reminder.

Let us lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles. If we just lay aside that which keeps us from pursing God  and do not fix our eyes on Jesus then we will end up entangled right back up in the same sin and distractions.

This has been harder to see. Harder to learn. Even now as my heart longs to be free from the things that distract me and threaten my intimacy with the Father I realize that there is still much to detangle from. Just recently I became painfully aware of hidden sin in my heart.

Even as my Father exposes that which breaks His heart He offers grace as He takes my hand to walk me to freedom. This walk will take me into 2013, it’s a walk I embrace no matter how difficult it may become for I desire nothing more than to follow after my God.

This past week I already sense where we may be heading next year. God has not given me a verse yet but I am sure it will be perfect and in many ways it will be a continuation of learning to endure. To endure taking an honest look at my heart and allow God to show me that which distracts and keeps me from intimacy with Him. It’s kind of like what Jacob said in Genesis 35:2 “Destroy your idols, wash yourselves, and put on clean clothing.”

It is my prayer, that God would help me to destroy the hidden idols in my heart, wash me clean of them and then replace them fully with Him.

So I prayerfully and humbly begin to look forward as I wait on God to reveal His good pleasure in my life. But before I go I thought I would share my top 10 blog post of 2012 to remind us of where we’ve traveled this year.

 

10. What is it Like being Married to You?

9. Longing to Know Him

8. Naked Prayer

7. A Grumpy Wife

6. How Should I Treat my Husband?

5. What Makes a Marriage Last?

4. What If He Doesn’t Deserve My Respect?

3. Living Purposely with Hope

2. When I am Weak He is Strong

1. A Godly Wife

Thank you all for joining me in 2012. I look forward to walking along with you in 2013.

No More CHRISTmas

Each year I find my heart grows sadder during the Christmas season as I watch more and more of Christ being taken out of the celebrations.

Sadly I witness the true meaning of Christmas being buried and forgotten beneath holiday decorations, presents, Santa, elves, and anything else that man can think of in order to gain a profit and our enemy use to distract from the birth of our Lord.

This year, more than any other, I keep asking myself “where is Jesus?” Drive down the road and you see very few nativity scenes. Home after home there are many Santa’s and such. But where is Jesus?

I wonder if we are headed to a time, in the not so distance future, when people will actually forget it’s the birthday of the Christ. Already towns are being told to remove nativity scenes and Christmas crosses. It’s hard to find any retail store that will say Merry Christmas. Children can’t sing Christmas songs about Christ in school. It seems with each generation the babe that came to save us is pushed further away.

It’s true, none of this is completely surprising to me, as the enemy has done a good job of deceiving those who don’t believe in Christ anyway. But what does surprise me, what saddens my heart, is that even those who believe in Christ have either put Him in the background of their celebrations or practically removed Him from the holiday.

Christmas has become a celebration of Rudolph the Red nose Reindeer, and Dasher, and Dancer, Frosty the snowman and an elf you can adopt who will then report back to Santa if boys and girls are good or not. Apart from having nothing to do with Jesus are we saying it’s good parenting to teach our children that bribery is okay? Do we really want our children thinking the reason for good behavior is to get presents? What does this have to do with Christ and the need of a savior?

God doesn’t need elves, He sees everything. He knows that there is not one that is good, we have all sinned. Therefore we are in need of Jesus, not Santa.

Please understand there is nothing wrong with sharing the real story of St Nicholas who was a good saint, but why would Christians allow this man to become the center of the holiday? Why would believers in Christ buy into all the commercialism of the holiday and those things that draw us away from Christ? It’s not Nickmas, Elfmas,  or Santamas,  it is CHRISTmas right?

So if it’s still called Christmas, and it’s a celebration of Jesus coming to earth as a baby then why not make it about Jesus? Why not center our celebrations on the birth of One who would save us from our sins?

Just one last thought. If Christians do not celebrate the birth of Christ differently than the world how will we be a LIGHT? No wonder the world is walking away from the the true meaning and allowing Christ to be removed, why wouldn’t they if Christians are also forgetting the Babe who came to earth.

I am still processing…wondering…praying and asking. I just can’t seem to break the feeling that we are losing Christ in Christmas.

30 Days of Blessings: The Desert

I’ve been here before, but the desert walk has been harder this time. I am here for a purpose. There is something to learn, to see.

Our time spent here always has a purpose. It’s never wasted.

In my earlier journeys through the desert I have not been prepared. I came without food or water. My soul would dry up and I would feel as if I were dead. I identified with a quote from C.S. Lewis that says, “My heart is empty.  All the fountains that should run with longing, are in me dried up.”

There is sadness. Deep sadness. A sadness I do not understand.

A friend wrote a blog several years ago in which he said “Whether you feel like you are on a sinking ship rowing for all you are worth and barely keeping yourself above water, or like every iota of happiness has been leeched from your soul, it is a horrible way to live.” He calls it soul sadness and it perfectly describes where I am at the moment.

The thought that goes through my mind often is “Lord, where is the joy of my salvation?”

I am fighting hard, harder than I have ever fought before while in the desert. I thought this journey might be different. Easier. I have food and water. I know the truth of the Word. I am crying out to God. I know He is here with me.

In past journeys I have had others walk along with me, but this time I walk alone. Alone with God. I don’t know if this is by God’s design or not. I only know the depth of my aloneness feels very real. And yet in the aloneness, and deep sadness God speaks to my heart. He is here. I know He has not abandoned me. He has not left my side. I KNOW this. I find comfort in this.

Last night I read Kim’s blog post on Psalms 18 so this morning I read through the chapter. I marked all personal pronouns (me, my, I) and I marked all references to God. I wanted to see what God had to say. Like Kim I don’t think I ever really thought about the fact that not only is God A rock He is MY rock.

This chapter reminded that indeed MY God is with me. He is" “my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge ; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” (v2)

I can call on Him and He will help me. He hears my cry for help. And I know that as long as I pursue after righteousness HE will delight in me. He will rescue me. (vs 6, 17-23)

Then I came to the last part of the chapter. In these words God fed my soul. He reminded me of who He is. Knowing who God is brings food and water to refresh the soul.

 “As for God, His way is blameless; The word of the LORD is tried; He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him. For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God, The God who girds me with strength And makes my way blameless? He makes my feet like hinds' feet, And sets me upon my high places. He trains my hands for battle, So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You have also given me the shield of Your salvation, And Your right hand upholds me; And Your gentleness makes me great. You enlarge my steps under me, And my feet have not slipped….The LORD lives, and blessed be my rock; And exalted be the God of my salvation, The God who executes vengeance for me, And subdues peoples under me… Therefore I will give thanks to You among the nations, O LORD, And I will sing praises to Your name. He gives great deliverance to His king, And shows lovingkindness to His anointed, To David and his descendants forever.” (see verses 30-50)

I know the word of the Lord is true. I know I can trust in it. So as I walk this journey again I walk with a hope I have not had on past journeys.

Because I have hope I can see this desert place as a blessing. It doesn’t make the journey easier but it does enable me to keep walking. I can feel the deep soul sadness but KNOW it will not destroy me. It will not weaken me. I will keep holding fast to TRUTH. I will keep hungering and thirsting after His Spirit.

So, I am blessed, not so much because of being here again, but because this time I know in the depths of my soul that My God will deliver me. And when He does I will come forth stronger and better equipped for whatever road I am to travel next.

30 Days of Blessings: His Word

There was a day they were just words on a page. Words with out much meaning. At least so it seemed to me. They didn’t seem to speak anything to me. Not like they did to others.

I would use words like, “boring” or “too hard” to describe the book. It would sit on my shelf to only be picked up occasionally. I knew that the Words that are written on those pages were God's very word written for me. I just didn’t understand what they meant to me.

But I wanted to know God. The only way to know God is to know His Word. I cried out to God. I didn’t know what to do!

What a blessing!! God knew just what to do! :-)

He brought the opportunity into my life to learn how to study His word. How to slow down and observe the text, reading it in context. While reading ask questions of the text. Who is talking and to whom? Why are they saying? Why? Where is it taking place? What is happening? When?

What happened was amazing. God’s word became alive. I began to understand and see truth I hadn’t seen before. I began to see God.

As I asked questions of the text and looked up cross references and study the historical context I began to see a whole world of truth open up. I began to hunger and thirst for more. It was an unquenchable thirst.

It had to be fed. I had to know. I had to go deeper. As I dug down deep into the words I began to gain knowledge of who God is, what He has done and what He will do. I saw that His Word is life to the believer, it's the air we breathe. It's His love letter. ‘

We should long for those times when we are in it. Don't get me wrong there are days I miss, but my heart aches to be in the Word if it's been too many days. It's painful to my soul! As a believer if you are not completely passionate about reading and studying God's Word you might want to examine your heart.

Seriously, how can we, as His children, not have a deep desire to KNOW God?

I do hunger after God's Word, it’s a hunger that comes from God. There is nothing in me that would desire it. I still fail, at times, to be in it like I want. But those times I skip it I can tell you that I become like a person anxious to get back to her favorite book to see what happens next!

What is so amazing about it all? God speaks to ME through His words!! He will speak to you also.

So today I am so very blessed for God's Word written to me...

His Word keeps me blameless and pure
His Word is a treasure I store in my heart
Memorizing His Word may keep me from sin
I meditate on His Word and delight in it
I am strengthen by His Word
His Word offers me hope
It is a light for my path
His Word brings freedom
It gives understanding (Ps 119)
His Word is Truth (John 17:17)
It is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness
It equips me for every good work (2Titus 3:16,17)
His Word is my sword (Eph 6:17)
His Word is living and active
It is sharper than any double-edged sword
it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow;
it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Heb 4:12)
Reading His Word brings joy to my heart (Ps 19:8)
His Word is trustworthy (Ps 111:7)

Of course there are many more reasons to be THANKFUL for His WORD, but you'll have to study it for yourself to find out. If you want to know how to study check this out!

 

30 Days of Blessings: He Delights in Me

I often forget that He does delight in me. I am precious. I am loved.

I forget when I take my eyes off Him. I forget when I see others promoted. Honored. Recognized. Made much of.

This morning I was reminded by Jennifer Drakes Lee “God is right there, waving His arms, saying, “Look! Look! See what I’ve made for you here? See, now, the wonder of your very own children, and the dazzling night sky, and the ruby color in the communion cup? Child, you are adored, cherished, important, and all kinds of WOW to me.””

God does see me. Not only does He see me but He is “wowed” by me. Not because of me or anything I have done. No, I am all kinds of WOW to Him because of what Christ is doing IN and THROUGH Me.

He delights in me. He is delighted, not because of what I do, but because of who I am in Christ.  He delights in me because my heart desires to obey, follow, and live for Him.

I may not have many “followers” on my blog. I may not touch a single person with a word I write. I may not be published or a sought out speaker. But this one thing I know. This is what He reminded me of this morning.

I write for Him.

I speak for Him.

I teach for Him.

I live for Him.

Nothing else matters. I don’t need the world’s or the church’s approval. I am not called to build myself up. To build my reputation or following. I am called to follow Him.

The sad truth is, sometimes, I want to be noticed. I want someone to “approve” me. I want others to be delighted in my writings, speaking, or living. But to want it to be all about me is to take HIS rightful glory.

It is sin. So with a humble heart I come to Him, again, and confess my pride. I confess that I want the glory due Him. Oh to write that is so painful! To see it in print makes me sick to my stomach. But it’s true.

When I desire glory I am taking what belongs to God. I am saying to God, “I did this. It’s mine. You had no part of it.” 

The truth is, I am nothing without Him. I would have nothing apart from Him. It is because of Him and Him ALONE I can live and breathe and have my being!! (Acts 17:28)

When I choose to follow, even if it means in obscurity, He is delighted in me. He is “WOWED” by my simply obeying Him.

He is delighted simply because I am HIS!!

It will no longer be said to you, "Forsaken," Nor to your land will it any longer be said, "Desolate "; But you will be called, "My delight is in her," And your land, "Married "; For the LORD delights in you, And to Him your land will be married. Isaiah 62:4 NAS

Longing to Know Him

Have you ever just sat in the presence of God and felt this longing to know Him? A longing that swells up in your soul that says I want to know more of who You are, as if it’s a hunger that can not be quenched. I want know complete satisfaction in You, I want to see You, touch You, to KNOW Your heart!

This has been the cry of my heart …This is the cry of my heart.

The words to a song come to mind…The more I seek you, the more I find you, the more I find you the more I love you...this love is so deep it's more than I can stand...it's overwhelming.

There is nothing that pleases God more than a heart that longs to know Him. A heart that seeks Him. David the psalmist writes,  “My soul pants for God, my soul thirsts for God, the one true living God” (Ps 42:1, 2)

Seeking and knowing God means discipline. It means slowing down and spending time with Him. It means to sit at His feet and listen. It means to read His word, to know it, study it and obey it.

How do you know God? Do you know Him through personal experience or through the experience of others? Do you actively seek Him? 

Do you know God, the One true God? Or do you just have some vague idea of the God you hope He is? Is your view of God based on truth you have seen with your own eyes or based on what others have said? 

I can testify to this truth, “the more I seek, hunger and thirst after Him the more I find Him...the deeper I know Him I realize His great love and sacrifice for me.”  

But this seeking is active, not passive. To actively seek God means that you are in His word studying to know God. You are not content to know God only through what others have studied and learned. 

The days years I spent going from Bible study to Bible study and reading various devotionals did not fill up the longing deep in my heart to know God. I would read book after book, attend retreats and seminars all in search of a deep intimate knowledge of my God. And while there was growth in my Christian walk and I did grow to know God more deeply it wasn’t until I learned how to study for myself that I could truly say I know God. 

Once I learned how to study on my own I began to see God’s word in a whole new way. The things I had heard about God through all those studies, books and sermons became real. They became truth because I began to experience them in the word for myself. God began to speak to me, revealing Himself to my heart and mind in a way that dramatically changed my heart and life.

My prayer for you is that you would desire to know God through personal experience, through a personal knowledge. I pray that you would be a diligent student of the word, studying it for yourself so that you can accurately handle the word.
 

Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth. 2 Tim 2:15

For more information on studying the Word of God please click on the tab above that says resources.