“Naked and Unashamed”

“And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” — Genesis 2:25

I was recently struck by this verse in a new light. Often, I’ve read it thinking mainly about Adam and Eve’s physical nakedness. And while I’m sure that was true, I can’t help but think this also points to emotional nakedness.

Adam and Eve did not yet know sin. There were no regrets, no mistakes, and nothing to hide from one another. Can you imagine what that must have brought into their relationship as husband and wife? They could speak openly and honestly about what they were feeling and thinking. There was no fear of rejection or fear of what the other might think of them.

Communication between husband and wife was most likely perfect. But I also imagine their relationship with God was completely open and real. There was no hiding from Him. They walked with God freely. Sin had not yet entered the equation of relationships.

They were naked before God and one another, and there was no shame.

Then came the serpent. The deception. The eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Then sin entered the world.

“Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings… He said, ‘I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.’” — Genesis 3:7,10

Sin and shame entered the world, and we have been hiding ever since. We hide from God, and we hide from one another. The sad thing is that this is not the way God intended it to be.

Our relationship with God and with our spouse was meant to be open, real, and genuine. Deep inside, I believe we still long for that kind of intimacy — the ability to be fully known and emotionally naked without fear. But fear causes us to hide.

We withhold our deepest thoughts, fears, struggles, and dreams from one another. I wonder what would happen in our marriages if we learned how to truly live in that kind of openness?

Over the years, I’ve learned that I don’t need to hide from my husband. I’ve learned to trust him with my deepest fears, thoughts, and emotions. But honestly, there are still times when it’s hard.

I’ve also found it interesting that the deeper I grow in trusting God and His unconditional love, the easier it becomes to live openly. I surely still have a long way to go, but it’s been beautiful to think about what it might look like to be truly naked before God and our spouse — and not be ashamed.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Do you think it’s possible to reach that place of being fully known and unashamed?

What about in your marriage? Are you able to be emotionally vulnerable with your spouse? If not, have you ever wondered why?

Bringing My Loneliness to God

 

For quite some time, I have wrestled with a question I am almost too ashamed to ask:

If I know who God says I am through Christ—loved, valued, seen, accepted—why does loneliness still hurt so much? Why do I still wrestle with needing people? Why can I know these truths deeply, and yet still ache when no one reaches out? Why does being left out sting? Why does the silence of others feel heavier than it should?

I have always thought this was a faith problem. I am beginning to understand that it is not necessarily a faith problem. It is often a human one.

God created us for relationships. We were made not only to be loved by God, but also to experience His care through people. We need to be known, remembered, pursued, encouraged, comforted, and understood. These desires are not weaknesses. They are part of how we were designed.

Sometimes I have believed that if my faith were stronger, I would not feel the pain of relational lack. I have even thought that perhaps I wouldn’t need people at all. But that is not true.

God’s love establishes our worth, but human connection often helps that love become felt.

Here is what I am learning: for some of us, loneliness cuts deeper because it touches older wounds. If you grew up unseen, emotionally alone, carrying burdens too young, or learning that your needs came last, then adult loneliness may awaken more than present sadness. It may stir old grief that has never been healed.

When no one reaches out, now something deeper whispers: No one comes for me. No one notices. I am alone again.

That pain is real—but it is not the whole truth.

Sometimes what we call loneliness is actually a longing for two specific things:

To be pursued. To be understood.

Not just invited somewhere. Not just surrounded by people. But to have someone think of you first. To have someone ask how you really are. To be known beneath the surface and still wanted there.

That kind of longing is not you being too much. It may simply reveal the kind of love you needed as a child but did not receive.

And perhaps healing is not found in shaming yourself for needing people, but in bringing that ache honestly before God and allowing Him to heal that wound.

Maybe the answer is not pretending I no longer need people, or shaming myself for the ache when loneliness rises. Maybe it is bringing that need honestly before God, trusting that He understands both the wound and the longing.

I do not have all the answers for loneliness. I only know that God is not ashamed of my need, and He is not distant from my ache. Somehow, even in this season, He is teaching me that I can bring it all to Him. I am still learning this, but I believe He can meet me even here.

Hurting His Church, Hurting Christ

I heard the terms “covenant community” and “covenant relationship” long before I really understood what they meant. Even now, I don’t understand in full, but what I have begun to understand has totally changed my view on how God wants me to live, especially how He desires that I treat His children.

You see, what I am beginning to understand is that when I became a follower of Christ, I entered into a covenant with God. In the Old Testament, every time there was a covenant made between two parties, it required the sacrifice of animals. The animals would be cut in half, laid opposite of one another, and the two making the covenant would pass through the flesh. Both parties knew that if either of them broke their part of the covenant, God would do to them what was done to the animals. God takes the making of a covenant very seriously; it’s not something to be entered into lightly.

When Christ came to earth, He was sacrificed for our sins, and we symbolically “pass through” the sacrificed body of Christ into a covenant relationship with God. Christ was the blood that was poured out for our sins. When we believe on the Lord Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of our sins, we “pass through” His flesh to God and enter into a covenant with God.

When you begin to understand the responsibilities of a covenant partner, it is both amazing and sobering. As a covenant partner with Christ, it means that my enemies are His enemies and His enemies are mine. Covenant partners protect one another—they have each other’s back. In covenant with Christ, He exchanges our robe of filth for His robe of righteousness. We become one in the Spirit.

Remember in Acts 9:4, where Jesus confronts Saul and says to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” Saul was persecuting Jesus because he was persecuting believers whom He was in covenant with. In a covenant relationship, what my enemy does to me, he does to God also.

So let us take this one step further. In a Christian community, believers are in covenant with Christ and one another. So if I mistreat, gossip about, or criticize another believer, then I am doing those very things to God. When my actions are divisive in the church and my words or actions are causing strife, I am sinning against God. If I speak lies and spread rumors against my brothers and sisters, I lie against Christ.

It’s a sobering thought, a painful, heart-wrenching thought. I now realize all those things I have thought, done, or how I might have treated another believer, I have done to Christ!

Oh, may God forgive me! May He forgive the CHURCH. Why do we continue to hurt one another? It grieves my heart! Do we not know, do we not understand, we hurt Christ when we behave in such a way!

He calls us to love one another deeply…from the heart. (1 Peter 1:22) Love does not lie, gossip, divide, criticize, or mistreat one another. This is not the vision Christ gives of how His bride, His church, should behave.

How are you treating your fellow believers? Allow God to search your heart. Ask Him to show you those areas where you have sinned against the body, the church. Confess them, then if applicable, go to those you may need to ask forgiveness of.

Nothing is more important to God than His church, His children, and nothing should be more important to us than making sure our actions and attitudes are becoming of a Child of God. (Phil. 1:27, Col. 1:10)

Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, Eph 4:1

When we Feel Forgotten, Trust in Him

O LORD, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day?

How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

Turn and answer me, O LORD my God! Restore the light to my eyes, or I will die.

Don't let my enemies gloat, saying, "We have defeated him!" Don't let them rejoice at my downfall.

But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the LORD because he has been so good to me. Psalm 13 (NLT)

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I love these words of David. He, who God says is “a man after My own heart” understood what it meant to be deeply sad in his soul.

He felt forgotten. He felt that God no longer saw him. He thought he might die if God didn’t answer.

I get it. I’ve been there. I struggle often with a deep sadness of the soul. But, like David, I refuse to stay there.

The first thing David does is pray. He prays honestly, pouring out exactly how he feels  He asks God to defeat his enemy. Davide understands that depression, or a deep sadness of the soul, is an enemy that must be battled. We must pray to God for help in battling this enemy.

Then he reminds himself of the truth. He chooses to rejoice because God will rescue him. He can still sing in the sadness because God has been good. God is good!

David relies on the truth he already has learned about God. God can be trusted to rescue him even if in the moment he feels forgotten.

David has learned that no matter what life may look like today God can be trusted to show His unfailing love and goodness in the midst of it all.

David relies on truth not emotions. Sometimes that is hard because emotions seem real, but we must take our feelings to God and allow Him to speak truth into them.  May he be our example in those moments we might feel forgotten and alone.

 

Thank you, God, for this reminder today. I can trust in Your goodness and unfailing love. Help me to focus on Your truth when the lies of the enemy come. Amen

Press On Toward Christ

In this world we are told there will be suffering, trials, heartache and tribulations.

It can feel overwhelming. So overwhelming that people are often tempted to stop, give up and they lose hope. 

But God reminds us to press on to maturity. (Heb 6:1) We can choose to allow the trials of this life to mature us and make us more like Christ.

We are reminded to press on to know the LORD" (Hos 6:3)

And...

We are told to press on so that we may lay hold of that for which also  was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. We press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Phil 3:12,14)

My dear friends no matter what you are facing today, no matter how you feel, I pray that you will choose to press in to Christ so that you are able to grow in maturity and be more like Christ Jesus.

Stop Fighting For Control

Have you ever had one of those days when it feels like you are carrying around the weight of the world? You look around you and see all the pain, heartbreak, struggling, confusion, uncertainty and you want to do something. You want to try fix it!

 

There is so much hurt. So much pain. You wonder, "How can I help make it better"? As you look around it seems overwhelming. How can you help those that will not listen? How can you warn of the coming storms when people choose not to see? How can you encourage the heartbroken? The abused? Those caught in sin's cycle?

In the midst of a day when I am taking on the sorrow of the world God whispers gently in my ear. “These sorrows are not for you. I will carry them.”

I protest, “But God, shouldn’t I say SOMETHING to help them see truth?” Shouldn’t I DO something?” Again a whisper, “Dear child, you have spoken. You have pointed out truth.  You have loved them where they are. And as I give you opportunity continue but for right now, let it go and pray.”

 

“PRAY? That is it!” “Yes.”

Oh how often I forget that God carries the world and all the troubles on His shoulders I do not need to. I forget I am not in control of the lives of those I love. God changes minds, heart and saves souls. He convicts of sin and He is the one who will work it all out for His glory. 

I need to pray.

What I continue to learn over and over and over is, I AM NOT IN CONTROL. Not even a little. I am learning, continually it seems, that I need to trust more. For if I am fighting to control my family, friends or my circumstances then I am not trusting God. Did you get that?

If I am fighting for control, then I am not trusting God. 

 

Oh Father help me trust you more fully! Help me to realize that I can not carry the sorrows and heartaches of this world. You have called me to pray. Father, teach me to pray and leave it all with you.

#trustgod #blogger #devotions #newblogpost #itsbeenawhile.

Lament of the Broken

My heart is heavy.

There are so many broken people.

Words alone just aren’t adequate.

There is no comfort.

The losses are just too great.

Tears flow uncontrollably.

Hearts once whole, now broken.

I stammer for healing words.

Does anyone see them?

Oh Father, where are your people?

Where are those with words that encourage?

Oh Father, how long must we wait?

How long until we hear Your healing words  

Your words that bring peace.

Your are the mender of broken hearts.

The healer of our soul.

Oh Father help us to speak Your healing words.

Use us an an instrument of Your hands.

 

The LORD binds up the hurt of his people, and heals the stroke of their wound. Isaiah 30:26

Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.  Psalms 55:22

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the LORD. Jeremiah 30:17

O Lord my God, I cried to You for help, and You healed me. Psalm 30:2

3 Things I've Learned About Community While In Isolation

I’ve always welcomed isolation. At times, you could even say that I’ve longed for it. Isolation, to me, means renewal. It gives me strength, energy and is good for my mental health. I love giving, serving and coming alongside people but it needs to be balanced with time alone. But isolation can have a negative side if I am not careful. It’s my weakness, the place the enemy knows to attack. I’ll isolate from the hurt, pain or sorrow that have come into my life. I withdraw from my community when things get too hard or hurtful. I will just curl up within myself where it feels safe.

I do not always mean to stay in isolation for long periods of time, but too often I just get comfortable. I begin to believe the lie that I can get by on my own, just Jesus and me. But this kind of isolation is counter intuitive. It drains my energy. It does not cause growth but death. Death to my soul. Death to my relationships. It will push people away making me even more isolated sending me on a path toward discouragement, even depression.

During this time of forced isolation I have come to realize that I have grown far too comfortable in my self isolation of the past few years. As I said before, isolation can be a needed renewal of energy but it should be for short periods of time not a lifestyle.

God has used this time of quarantine to shown me why I need to be in community. I am sure there are more but theses are the, not so new, lessons I’ve seen.

Living in community our lies are exposed. We are more vulnerable to believe the lies of the world, our flesh and our enemy when isolated. It’s important to have a community around us that will challenge our beliefs, and speak truth to us when we are believing lies. As others live and speak the truth around us the lies we believe are easier to see. (Ephesians 4:14-16;25)

Community helps me to grow. I can and should have times in God’s word alone. I need to be able to study God’s word for myself, to be able to grow alone. But I also need God’s people to help me process, and challenge me to go deeper in my understanding of God’s word and who God is. (1 Cor 12:24-26; 1 Thess 5:11)

Community is a safe place to be our authentic self. I really struggle with this one but it doesn’t make it any less true. Let’s just be honest here, community isn’t always safe. In fact, community has been a place of great hurt. What God has shown me though is that even in the hurt and pain it can still be safe in Him. It’s here that my brothers and sisters will love, support, pray, encourage, and point me toward Jesus.

They will not always do it perfectly, and neither will I. They will, however, accept me with love and desire God’s best for me. Within the larger Church we can find smaller communities of people that are safe. A group of close friends, a life group, a Bible study can all be really safe communities. They are more intimate and allow you a place to grow deeper, and become more solid in your walk with Jesus. They will hold you accountable to the truth of God’s word. (Hebrews 10:23-25; Gal 6:2; 1 Pe 4:8;)

My challenge (to all of us) is that when this “forced” isolation is over we will pour ourselves out and really love our community. To reach out with abandon asking “how can I best serve Jesus as I serve His people.” We must be willing to go out on a ledge, if needed, in order to rescue our brothers or sisters in Christ. We need to surround ourselves with a group of God's family who love us, point us to Him, keep us accountable and grow us deeper in our relations with Christ.

In Christ’s community, we need to be willing to be rejected, hurt, or misunderstood in order to point our brother’s and sister’s toward a deeper walk with Jesus.

Orginally posted on May 22, 2020 at Women Encouraging Women

Surprised by Motherhood

As I look back on Motherhood I remember those moments of rocking my babies, kissing cheeks, cuddling, singing, praying, and just watching you sleep. 
Who knew that you would touch my heart the way you did? Who knew that a heart could be filled with so much love.

Who knew that one so tiny could change the heart of a young, confused girl and give her the heart of a mother?

Who knew that you would come into my life and change my world?

Even now as I think back over the years I can’t help but be so very thankful for the gift of each of you.

Every moment as your mother has such precious memories. I would not trade those moments. Not even one of them.

Moments forever pictured in my heart.
Moments of laughter and silliness.
Moments of watching you play and grow.

My heart is filled with so many tender moments of just loving you…and…you loving me.

There were  moments of sorrow and pain. Times of struggling between the wills. But there was always love, always forgiveness, always grace.We learned through the hard times and it made us stronger. It made us who we are today.

I made mistakes, a lot of mistakes, but you were always so forgiving so understanding when I came to you and told you how sorry I was.

You may not know it, but you helped me to grow up. You taught me so many things. I learned patience, perseverance and most of all, you taught me about love. Oh how you taught me to love!

There are not words enough to share the love that is in my heart for you, even now, though you are adult men you can still bring such joy to my heart.Who knew that my precious little baby boys would grow up to be such wonderful young men? Amazing fathers.

Boys, yes you both were all boy. Running, wrestling, playing Cowboys and Indians, bringing home snakes, climbing trees, scrapped knees, broken bones, stitches, running into deer, camping, hiking, bikes, basketball, soccer, track, oh and lets not forget the mud and dirt, running in the creek, falling into a frozen pond or loud unexpected noises! You kept me on my toes!

Such memories, so precious to a mother’s heart.

Now you are men with homes of your own, with precious family of your own and I am so proud of you.

My heart is still filled with such love and wonder as I watch the young men before me.

Who knew that a young girl with so little to give, could learn to love with such a great love?

Who knew? God of course!

He knew that by placing two precious little boys into my arms I would grow, learn and love with a heart that is full. God knew that as my love and understanding of being a mother grew my understanding of God would grow.

I am so thankful for you both. I will love you forever and always.

May God be glorified for the work He has done not only in the heart of this mother but what He continues to do in her heart and the heart of her sons.

Adam David your name means “first born, beloved” and you are my beloved first born. I see in your heart a deep love and compassion, even though you try to keep it hidden. I love watching the way you love, care and protect your family. Always remember that you are very much loved. You are so very much loved, not only by your mother, but also by God.  You are so very precious to Him and He calls you His beloved son.

Joshua Mark your name means “Jehovah is salvation, defender” and you are a defender of those less fortunate, you have compassion for the hurting. Compassion and a deep love for your family. Always remember that you are very much loved. Jesus is your salvation and He is your defender. You are so very precious to me and to God. Never forget that God calls you HIS and you are beloved of God.

THANK YOU God for entrusting these two precious boys into my heart. I am forever grateful for the privilege of being a Mother.

The Hope in Suffering

I was reading in 1 Peter today and was struck again by the hope we have in our suffering. The context of 1 Peter is our suffering for the Lord, especially during the last days. But as I read it today I was reminded that the truths Peter shares and how they also apply to our everday suffering.

1 Peter 1:6 and 7 says "In this you greatly rejoice, even thought now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by faire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;"

In what are we to rejoice? We have a living hope through Jesus Christ. We will obtain an inheritance which is imperishable. We are protected by the power of God through faith. (1:3-5) And because we have a living Christ who has secured our place in heaven we can rejoice today, even though we face suffering. Suffering is temporary, our salvation, our inheritance is eternal.

Therefore, by focusing on the eternal in the day to day trials I can persevere knowing that one day, even if not here on earth, Christ will restore, confirm, strengthen and establish, not only His kingdom but also His child.

Today I hold on to my eternal reward. I hold on knowing that one day the suffering and trials of this life will fade away. I will no longer feel pain, sorrow or heartbreak. One day in heaven I will see Jesus face to face and all of this world will mean nothing.

3 Things We Need When Our Emotions Can't Be Trusted

Last night, before the service began, a flashback came to my mind. Where it came from, I do not know. There didn't seem to be anything that triggered it. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon. Too often, out of nowhere, images play across my mind that I wish would stay buried. In the past, a trigger like this would cause hours, or days, of wrong thinking, eventually sending me toward darkness. It would often end in depression. The images were powerful, filled with so much shame and accusations. But God continues to heal, to teach and to help me battle those flashbacks. He helps me bring them back to the foot of the cross where they belong. It lasted for only seconds. Thank God for His daily grace and mercy in my life. I could now sit and listen to His word being taught without shame being whispered in my ear. At the end of the sermon, a quote by Chuck Swindoll was shared that said, "For faith to replace fears, steer clear of naysayers.*" In other words, stay away from those who influence you to draw away from God. Be careful whom you give access to speak into your heart and life. You do not want to surround yourself with those who will not point you to Christ. Then, a thought entered my mind, "What if you are the naysayer?" What if you are the one who speaks lies to yourself? What if you continue to believe, and dwell on the lies the enemy whispers into your heart? Immediately, I thought back to what happened right before the sermon and thought, "We take it back to the cross." You see, we cannot always be trusted to know if we are believing a lie or not. Our hearts and minds have all kinds of emotions going on that just can't be trusted typically. So, we need help. I believe that help comes in three ways: 1) We need to go before the cross. It's here that we are reminded of who we were. We are reminded of our sin which required Jesus to die in our place. We are reminded of the Gospel. We are reminded that Jesus died for our sins and was raised again so that we might have victory. Victory over sin, shame, flashbacks, and lies. At the cross, we are reminded that the same power that raised Jesus is the same power at work in us. 2) We need to be in His Word, the Bible. We need to read, study and meditate on the word of God. The actual Bible, not books written about it. Without the truths written in His word, we cannot distinguish the truth from lies. We cannot know God, the One true God of the Bible. 3) We need friends who know Jesus. We need friends who will always point us back to the truth, to Jesus when we have forgotten. When we can't see the truth we need those around us who can. We do not need "naysayers" who agree with us or tell us what we want to hear. We need those willing to "hurt" us with the truth. Friends, I do not always get this right but I am so grateful that God does not give up on me. No matter how stubborn I can be, no matter how often I forget, He is always there to point me in the way I should go.

* Swindoll, Charles R. Insights on Mark. Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 2016. page 140

Does Your Heart Break?

I watch them daily as they cry out for love and acceptance. They become angry and bitter about past circumstances, disappointments, and rejection of those they trusted and loved.

I watch their brokenness grow deeper. They run after all the wrong things. The lies they believe are so subtle, and so deadly, but they do not see them. They believe lies of an enemy they don’t know or understand. Lies told to them by their parents, siblings, friends, Hollywood and the world.

They say they know God yet walk in disobedience or as prisoners of their past.

Who are “they”? They are the daughters of God. Those who are free yet walk in bondage. They are those who don’t know God as their Father. They are the ones who are currently lost yet will come to know God as Father. They are His chosen daughters. They are my mothers, sisters, daughters, granddaughters and friends.

Does your heart break? Mourn?

I cry out with Jeremiah in chapter 8 verses 18-22…

“My sorrow is beyond healing, My heart is faint within me! Behold, listen! The cry of the daughter of my people from a distant land: "Is the LORD not in Zion? Is her King not within her?" "Why have they provoked Me with their graven images, with foreign idols?" "Harvest is past, summer is ended, And we are not saved." For the brokenness of the daughter of my people I am broken; I mourn, dismay has taken hold of me. Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then has not the health of the daughter of my people been restored?”

Oh how I wish I had time to break this passage down precept by precept, but as I read it my heart is in anguish and pray that you will hear it.

There are women are all around us who are broken and live without hope. They live in bondage to the father of this world. These women sit in the pews of churches every week and yet they still live in bondage. They believe lies that keep them from the freedom that Christ has given them. They are lost, afraid, and filled with anxieties.

So my question is this. Where are the daughters of God who can lead them to the “balm of Gilead”? Where are the women who can lead the sick to the Healer God, Jehovah Rapha? Why are so many of the healthy, spiritually mature women content to remain on the sidelines?

I know they are out there. I see some of them reaching out in grace, love and mercy. They are taking the broken and leading them to the Father where there is help, hope and healing. But there needs to be more women reaching out. The need is so great, greater than most even imagine.

The women of the church need to rise up and embrace their sisters. We need to rise up and begin to help them to build up the broken, weakened, and destroyed walls that have come tumbling down.

My prayer….

Oh Father, You know the cry of my heart. I pray that that my heart would remain broken and in anguish over Your people. Help me to walk along with my sisters in Christ and lead them to a deeper, healthier relationship with You.  Father I thank you for bringing me the healing and hope that you have. I thank you for continuing to show me the brokenness of my own heart and life. Oh God how can the daughters of Zion ever reach a dying world if they still walk in bondage? Oh Father, show me the sin in my own heart and thank you for Your grace and forgiveness. Continue to reveal to me the need of the cross, Your blood offering. Pour Yourself in me that I may pour myself out to You as an offering.  Oh Jesus draw me near to you….

Please Mommy, Let Me Live

Mommy can you hear me? Mommy can you feel me?

I am here inside you. I am alive. I am real. I am a part of you.  I am growing. I hear your voice and already I love you.

I know you are afraid. I know I am not planned. I know the world is telling you I am not alive. I am not real. But please mommy hear me. Hear my heart beating. Feel my movement and know that I am alive.

I am not an inconvenience. I am not a mistake. I am not something to just be thrown away. I am more than just tissue.  I am a blessing. A gift from God! My life is worth living if only you would let me live it.

I know your life has been hard. I know my father wants nothing to do with me. I know that you are young, too young. You feel alone, desperate and can’t even take care of yourself. But mommy I really want to live.

Mommy please know that I understand if you can’t take care of me.  Mommy there are other families who could take care of me. But please mommy don’t kill me, let me live.

Let me live so that I can grow and love. So that can be loved. Let me live so that I can live the life God meant for me to live.

Mommy can you hear me? Mommy can you feel me? Please mommy, I want to live.

 

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A Wave of Sorrow

Have you ever stood out in the ocean with the water at your knees and allowed the waves to wash over you? Then all of a sudden one comes in, it's stronger than it looks and knocks you over. You lose your balance, hit the bottom of the ocean, fight for the surface, and when you come up your gasping for air. It took only seconds, but you felt like you might drown. It was only a moment of panic, then it was gone, then once again you were out enjoying the ocean waves.

Sorrow can be a lot like this. It does not matter how much time has passed by since that last wave caught you off guard. It just comes with no warning, for what seems to be no reason.

Yesterday I was driving down the highway headed to an appointment. Nothing had happened prior to this point that would have caused the thought. I hadn't seen any recent pictures or even thought of him in quite some time.

And yet...there it was...like a sudden wave washing over me.

I MISSED my daddy.

I could not explain it, but there was that all too familiar longing of wanting to run into my father's arms. Oh how I imagine those loving, safe arms around me.

It's been 47 years, the intensity of the pain is less, but there is still sorrow. There is still the longing of that “felt” safety of his arms. A safe place which speaks of rest, protection and comfort. A place which offers acceptance and love.

Years of being in this familiar place reminded me that while I do miss my earthly father, what my heart truly longs for is an even greater intimacy with my Heavenly Father. For even the love and safety of an earthly Father can not replace or fill the need of my Heavenly Father.

So once again I remember my daddy. I remember those precious five years I had with him. I give thanks for the love and life he gave me. I am so very grateful that he was my daddy. Then I run into the arms of my Father and I press in to know His heart in an even deeper way. And I rest.

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;

My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary,To see Your power and Your glory.

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips will praise You.

So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.

Ps 63:1-4

5 Ways to Help Stop Negative Thoughts

I don't know about you but sometimes my worst enemy is myself. It's all those lies that spiral out of control in my head that I can't seem to control. Too often it's the thoughts in my head that defeat me. It's the insecurities, fear and anxiety that comes from those lies that render me useless more than anything else. So what do I do when my mind is spinning with negative, useless, repetitive thoughts?

This by no means is meant to be an exhaustive list but they are things that work for me.

1. Turn on some praise music and belt out the words loudly! Granted when others are around this can be more difficult, but if I am in the car or home alone then I am singing the words really loud. I Other times I find just putting on my headphones and listening works too. Music does two things I think. It detracts me from the negative thoughts and helps me focus on words that are praise worthy. It also helps me to remember what truth is.

2. Read. Again this is a way to refocus our thoughts on something else. But as a caution be careful what you are picking up to read. When I am really struggling to think right I find picking up my Bible to read or a solid biblical book helps my thoughts to refocus on truth. Picking up a novel and getting lost in it rarely works for me. Most often it's going straight to the Word of truth that helps feed my mind with truth. 

3. Pray. This one can be harder at times because when I am praying my mind is often continuing to repeat the lies in the background. But I just keep praying instead of giving up. Pray that God would remove the thoughts. If it's a real struggle then praying God's word back to Him is also helpful. I find the book of Psalms very good to use as prayers.

4. Call a friend. Not just any girlfriend though, she needs to be one that will speak truthfully to you. One that can encourage you to think right. Calling a friend who tend to be negative or critical all the time will be no help at all. Sometimes just getting the thoughts out helps. And with the right kind of friend you can process through to see if there are deeper issues that you need to deal with. 

5. Laugh out loud. Seriously just laugh. Go do something fun with a girlfriend or your family. For me personally, I take life entirely too seriously. When I am especially burdened with over thinking everything I find that taking some time to laugh helps. It's really okay to have fun. Give yourself permission to just let go and enjoy the day with some spontaneous fun. Sometimes I find that calling a friend in number 4 automatically leads to number 5, but again, you need that kind of friend who can do both. Speak truth and make you laugh! 

I am sure there are many other ways to help my mind refocus on truth but these often work for me. On particularly difficult days I may need to use them all or a variation of several of them. The thing to remember is that we can choose whether or not we continue thinking negatively.

We also need to remember that if we are struggling to make the right choice to stop it's okay to seek help. It's okay to admit out loud "Today I am struggling and need help." The belief or feeling that we shouldn't need help is just silly and a lie from Satan. I know, I get stuck here often and am afraid to appear too needy. So I don’t ask for help. But we all need help and it really is okay to ask for it.

We need the help of Jesus and His Spirit and we need the help of our brothers and sisters in Christ. So don't stay trapped with your negative thoughts because you are afraid you will appear needy. Because, and you really need to hear this, we are all needy. We all have different areas of neediness but know that we are all weak, needy and in need of help.

So what do you find works best for you when you are in the midst of negative or wrong thinking? I would love to hear from you!

Linking up today with….

God Heals Us

 

God is our healer, our Jehovah-rapha which means the one who is your healer. In the Hebrew the word we translate as rapha means “to mend, to cure.” It is translated “to heal, repair, repair thoroughly, make whole.”

It does not matter whether you come to God seeking spiritual, physical or emotional healing for in Christ we are made whole. We are healed.

Whatever hurt you may be facing today run to your Father in Heaven who promises to heal you. He will make you whole again.

The LORD will strike Egypt, striking but healing; so they will return to the LORD, and He will respond to them and will heal them. Isaiah19:22;

"I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will lead him and restore comfort to him and to his mourners” Isaiah 57:18;

He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3;

 

I am Desperate and Needy

Trust. Control. Two words that seem to cause a constant struggle in my heart and life. To trust means to have an “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something” or the “belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc”.   Control means to have power over (something), to direct the actions or function of (something)  or to cause (something) to act or function in a certain way.” (Merriam Webster Online Dictionary)

I believe God. I believe His written words are truth, His truth. I read and believe in His goodness and yet when it come to my life so often I struggle to trust that He is good to me in all things. I struggle to trust that He will always DO good, not that He IS good. Yet, I know those two can not be separated. He is good and does good. (Ps 84:11; 119:68) I struggle to trust that He will always have MY good in mind even in the midst of horrific circumstances. I struggle in my human flesh to choose what I know is TRUTH over that which I FEEL.

Most days I am a desperate, needy child of God who battles over what I feel and what I know is truth. Truth says that God is trust worthy, He is good and He will work out all things together for my good and His glory. I don’t always see it. The good I mean. In many things I am still waiting to see the good. I might not ever see it until heaven and I need to be okay with that. I am most days.

You see the truth is I am broken, desperate and in need of a Savior. I have tried to be in control. I have tried to “fix” people and myself, but failure always comes. I can not do it. I was never meant to fix anyone or thing. I try to do in order to please so that I might be worthy, but it’s never enough. Even on my best day when I am totally in sync with Jesus it’s still not enough. The truth is I am a desperate, weak, needy sinner. Every single day I fail at some level to be righteously good. I do not have the power to make myself righteous, only Jesus does. Yet too often I try, in my own power, to be good enough.

I am desperate. Yet it is the desperate that Jesus came to save. The leper knew he was an outcast. He knew he was unclean, unworthy and could do nothing about it. He could not heal himself. So he did the only thing he could think of, he went to Jesus. The leper knew that no matter what he tried to do, how well he might try to hide his skin he would always be unclean. He knew he needed a savior. He needed the One true God and so he went out to find Him. (Matt 8:1-4)

The woman with a blood issue knew she too was unclean. She had tried for years to be clean but was powerless to do so. Nothing helped. No one could make her unclean. Then in desperation she reached out to Jesus. Empty of all other hope she reached out and touched Jesus and in that moment she was healed. (Luke 8:43-48)

Both the woman and the leper knew they had no power to fix themselves. They didn’t let their neediness keep them from reaching out. They knew their only hope was Jesus, God incarnate. In Him there was power to raise the dead and to make them clean.

In Jesus there is still the power to raise the dead, make clean, forgive sin and defeat the enemy. Yet I struggle to trust completely. I so often fight for control of my life. I want things “fixed” in my way, in my timing. The truth is, I want to be God. Not really, but isn’t that really what we are saying when we want control? Aren’t we saying, “God my way is better than yours?” If it wasn’t so serious it would be laughable. I mean, it’s not like I’ve done a good joy trying to control my world anyway.

How this must grieve the heart of God when I fight for control. Why do I say I believe with my mouth yet deny His power when I try to do it my way? Why do I deny the work that Jesus wants to do in me by thinking I know better?

Why? Because I am desperate and in need of the gospel. I need to preach it to myself every single day. And when I forget to preach it I forget I am not in control. Every single day I must remind myself that it is Jesus who came to die for my sins, my weakness, my desperation and neediness. He came to die and to defeat sin and death. He paid the price. I must remind myself that He died and then was raised through the power of God. He died, was raised from the dead and this same power that raised Him is available to me.

This is the power of the gospel living in me. A power that says, yes you are desperate, needy and you are so filled with pride to think you can control, yes you are unclean but Jesus came to set you free. Because of what Jesus did on the cross God sees Him not me. It’s the power of the Gospel of Jesus that tells me I can trust that He truly does have everything in control.

So on those days when I battle for control, when I am not inclined to trust completely I must preach the Gospel of Jesus to myself. I must choose to believe, trust and surrender to what I know it truth instead of what the circumstances show or how I feel.

Oh Father I find great comfort knowing that you will not stop your work in me until I am perfect. You will not give up on me. You do not grow weary or impatient with my desperation or neediness. No, because of Jesus You already see me as I will be. My mind can not comprehend it for I only see my need of You and yet You see Jesus. Forgive me for the times I lack trust and I refuse to surrender my will. Help me to trust more completely and surrender wholeheartedly to You. Amen.

 

Joining…..

Weekend Rewind and

 

Is My Ministry Better Than Yours?

“This has been on my heart for months. I’ve chewed on this, prayed about it, and it just will not let go. Therefore I am writing it out to process it and hoping it doesn’t come across as a “rant” but from a heart filled with grace and desiring to speak truth in love.”

There is an interesting phenomenon that I often see among people. In order to feel like we are doing the right thing or fighting the right cause we make others feel like they are fighting the wrong cause. Or at least make them feel as if our cause or ministry is better. If our passion or ministry is feeding the poor then we think everyone should be feeding the poor.  If we are waging war on sex trafficking then everyone should. If we are homeschooling, everyone should. If we adopt, everyone should. If we are a stay at home mom then every mom should stay home. You get the idea.

I wish I could say it’s only among those outside the walls of the church, but unfortunately it’s not. It seems to permeate all of mankind. For some reason we have a deep need to feel that we are doing what is most important. We need to know we are fighting the right battle. We need to be sure we are on the right side. I don’t know about you, but I am tired of jumping on the latest “cause” bandwagon hoping that this is the right one.

We are all prone to it. Recently I was listening in on a conversation with several people who where criticizing a church for using their many resources to begin a new ministry when there are plenty of needs elsewhere. In fact, in their opinions, there were dire needs being neglected at the cost of this new ministry. I felt their frustration and their pain. I understood, I too had moments of similar thinking, both presently and in the past.

Personally, I am passionate about helping those who live in my community who have no hope of a better life. They are trapped in suffering and cycles of many forms of poverty. They are trapped in the lies they’ve been told and no one is speaking truth to them. I see a generation of young people (outside the church walls) who do not know God. Unlike the generations before them they do not understand godly morals, sin, or even the truth about love. They have bought the lies of the world and it seems there is no one to tell them anything different. They believe in a God that does not even exist but is a distortion of what others tell them. They have no idea who God really is. To be honest, at times, I can get frustrated that others do not see what I see. They do not share my passion. 

But I forget that they are often called and see things I do not. They do not share my passion because God has called them to something different. God has placed a passion within them to go to other countries. He has called them to adopt orphans, to fight slavery, and to reach the utter parts of the world. But He has called me, and you, to other ministries.

The hand of the body of Christ should not feel shame, or insignificant, just because she is not the foot.

Why must we shame one another for being passionate about what God has laid on our hearts to do? Why do those who are serving in small ways feel insignificant compared to those doing big things? Each one of us have lived different experiences, suffered different pain and most often our ministries come out of what we have suffered. What better person to understand the pain of poverty than those who have experienced it? What better person to adopt a child than those who can not have children or who, because of various other reasons have that burning passion to do so? I am reminded of 2 Cor 1:4 that says we are able to comfort because we have been comforted. And 1 Cor 10:13 that reminds me that nothing is unique to me. Whatever others have been through there is someone who understands.

Bottom line is this, there are enough resources and people in God’s kingdom for all the passions, causes, ministries and callings which He has laid on the hearts of His children. Instead of shaming or criticizing others for what they are doing (or not doing) perhaps we should be grateful that God has raised up someone to meet that need. Instead of giving in to feelings of insignificance because I am only reaching one person at a time instead of thousands I need to rest in particular God’s calling of my life.

God has not called me to end slavery. I see the need, the atrocity and horror of it. I can even become angry about the injustice of it. I can donate money, pray or offer my encouragement of what others are doing, but I am not called to go into the trenches. I am not called into that specific ministry. I understand God has called others to go battle it and fight. But He did not call me and there is no shame in that. He has called me, and you to something totally different. Why can’t we understand that and stop criticizing one another for what God has called each of us to do?

You might be a “hand” or a “foot”, I might be an “eye” or an “ear”, but we are all apart of the body so let’s give one another grace. Let’s support what the feet are doing without making the hands feel like what they are doing is not important.

Go forth and find what God has called you to do. Find what He has gifted you to do. Ask Him to stir your heart and then passionately, fearlessly, and tirelessly pursue it. And don’t let anyone shame you for doing the ministry that God has called you to do.

May we celebrate our differences. Let us rejoice in the uniqueness that God has called us to! And together the Church Body can reach the world for Christ.

For the body is not one member, but many… But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be? But now there are many members, but one body.  And the eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you"; or again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you." On the contrary, it is much truer that the members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary; and those members of the body which we deem less honorable, on these we bestow more abundant honor, and our less presentable members become much more presentable, whereas our more presentable members have no need of it. But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that member which lacked, so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 1 Cor 12:14-25

 

Joining these link parties…

 

6 Things to Remember When Battling Soul Sadness

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. –Psalm 34:18
As I sit here trying to decide if I should try to write today I realize that there may be those that need to hear the words that lay heavy on my heart. I’ve been in a place lately of deep sadness, spiritual depression, darkness of the soul or whatever term you want to use.

It’s not a new place, it’s been a life struggle. Today I find myself here again. The dog of depression has been hunting me down for several months now. For the first time in quite some time he has over taken me. I began to recognize it as I realized that my discouragement had gone to depression. Looking back I see that I didn’t fight. I didn’t run. I just sat here, alone, with my thoughts. I didn’t cry out for help. I didn’t pray. I didn’t call a friend for prayer. In fact I just put on my happy face and faked it through the day.
These my friends are deadly to one who is prone to discouragement and depression. We must be brave enough to allow others to walk with us during these times. Even now as I write this I know I should just pick up the phone and let my sister/friends know where I am. Let them know to pray for me.  I know these few friends understand, they know my heart so there is no judgment, only love and grace. But still I hesitate and I don’t even know why. Why is it so hard to pick up a phone and say, “hey I need you, my weakness is showing”?
Why? Because we want to be strong. We have bought into the lie that we have to have it together and we certainly can’t show our weaknesses. It’s just not true. It’s a bald face lie of the worse kind. I hate that I have fallen prey to the lie again. I hate that I have forgotten what I have learned. So as a reminder to myself and to those who might need it today here are a few things I have learned long the way.

Ask Questions. I love to read the Psalms when I am feeling depressed. David understood and he wasn’t afraid to ask questions of God and himself. These were not questions that questioned who God was or what He was doing, but David sought understanding. They were questions that always pointed to the One who would help him.

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart all the day? Psalm 13:1-2a
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42:5; 43:5-6

Sing Songs. When we are sad or depressed singing is not something we feel like doing but do it anyway. Put worship music on. Songs that remind you of truth. Songs that point you to His character. A word of cautions here, there are songs that will only make you sadder so be discerning. I always use worship songs, not just any Christian music or artist.

But let all who take refuge in You be glad, Let them ever sing for joy; And may You shelter them, That those who love Your name may exult in You Psalm 5:11
And now my head will be lifted up above my enemies around me, And I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD . Psalm 27:6
You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7
By day the LORD commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.” Psalms 42:8

Speak truth to yourself. Read through the Psalms. Read over them and then pray them back to God. Remind yourself of who God is and the promises that are yours. I find that when I am in the midst of depression my thoughts are very dark. They tend to go toward hopelessness, fear and anxiousness so I must be filling my mind with truth. If I can’t then I MUST ask for help and let others speak truth to me. Also, sometimes the truth is that we need medical help. Don’t be afraid to seek the help of a doctor. But I know from experience that medicine is not a cure all, we still must speak truth to ourselves.

Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever . Psalms 23:6
I will rejoice and be glad in Your lovingkindness, Because You have seen my affliction; You have known the troubles of my soul… Be strong and let your heart take courage, All you who hope in the LORD Psalm 31:7,24
For I hope in You, O LORD; You will answer, O Lord my God. Psalm 38:15

Remember you are not alone. God is with us. He will never leave or forsake us. It is in Him we find our strength, He will be our help. We must also remember that God places His children in our lives to help us too. When we are in darkness we feel alone. We feel isolated from God and our friends, but it’s a lie. I have a friend who has said to me in the past, “if you don’t tell me how will I know? I can’t read your mind”. We must be willing to share our burden with those who love us.

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Psalm 34:8
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Psalm 68:19
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26
For the LORD will not abandon His people, Nor will He forsake His inheritance. Psalm 94:14
My eyes shall be upon the faithful of the land, that they may dwell with me; He who walks in a blameless way is the one who will minister to me. Psalms 101:6

Continue to seek Him. The tendency when we are depressed is to withdraw from God but we must fight it. We must press in hard, go to His word, study it. Keep reading, praying and seeking even if you feel like it’s for naught. God will revive you. He will meet you.

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water. Psalm 63:1
The humble have seen it and are glad; You who seek God, let your heart revive. Psalm 69:2
Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; And let those who love Your salvation say continually, "Let God be magnified. Psalm 70:4

Preach the Gospel. This final thought is probably the single most important. We must recognize that there is nothing in us that can help. No matter how hard I try I can not move myself out from under the cloud of darkness. I can put on a happy face but it will not help the state of my soul.
Only God’s grace can move me from sadness to joy again. We are reminded in Psalm 44:6-7 that our “bow” or “sword” can not save us only God can. I am weak and unable to save myself. But God can and will save me. He came down from heaven to save me! He will deliver me! My hope and joy rest in Him alone!
This is preaching the gospel to yourself every day; knowing you can not do it, but Christ can and will. I am weak but He is strong and will strengthen me. His grace is sufficient in our weakness.My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. "Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” 2 Cor 12:9

He will send from heaven and save me; He reproaches him who tramples upon me. Selah. God will send forth His lovingkindness and His truth. Psalm 57:3

Disclaimer: Depression can be a serious condition and you may need to seek medical help. Please know that it’s okay. It does not show a lack of faith or trust in God. Depression is not sin, although it can be caused by it.  Depression can also be caused by a chemical imbalance or side effects of other medicines. So if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, feel like you want to harm yourself or can’t seem to even get out of bed please seek medical attention.

I am a Mess, but I am Not Falling Apart

I get discouraged.

I get angry.

I get frustrated.

I have moments of envy and jealousy.

I sometimes speak before thinking.

I can be judgmental, critical and a bit too sarcastic.

I can think too much of myself.

I am often a mess emotionally.

I struggle with my what my flesh wants.

But, I have not lost my faith.

I am not falling apart.

My world may seem out of control.

I have doubts.

I say the wrong things.

I have a lot of questions.

And very few answers.

I do not have “it all together.”

You may not understand me.

You may not even like me.

You may have given up on me.

I have not lost my faith.

I am not falling apart.

I know that...

God is real.

He is who He says He is.

The Bible is true.

Jesus died for me.

He is full of love and grace.

He never changes.

His Spirit is at work in me.

I learn to surrender more each day.

To rest in His presence.

To be obedient to His will.

I am His beloved child.

He will never leave or forsake me.

I am learning to walk in His grace.

This is why, in the midst of pain, sorrow and the messiness of life I have not lost faith.

This is why, I when fail or fall, I do not fall completely apart.

"For I am the LORD your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, 'Do not fear, I will help you.'” Is 41:13