A Do Over Will Not Change Anything

“True repentance always terminates on Jesus. It does not wallow in self-loathing or delight in self-flagellation. Rather, it allows an honest sense of our sinfulness to drive us toward the depth of Christ’s mercy in the gospel.” (taken from Journey to the Cross – Readings & Devotions for Lent)

How many times have I come face to face with my own sin and thought, “I will try harder next time to be obedient”? Or how often have I looked over past failures and sins with guilt and shame thinking if I could just have a do over. If I could just go back I would do things differently.

The truth is having a “do over” will not change anything. The reality of my sinfulness tells me that chances are great that I would do the same thing over again. Why? Because I am hoping to change things in my own strength. More often than not when we want a “do over” it’s about us and what we did or did not do. We are focusing on how we might go back and change things and do them right or better this time.

But, what we fail to remember is the sinfulness of our hearts. Hearts that are prone to wonder. Hearts that are bent toward our own selfish desires. Hearts that are often filled with ourselves and not God.

No, having a do over will not change anything. But what will change things is an honest evaluation of our heart. We change things when we allow our weaknesses, failures, and sinfulness to turn us toward Christ, His grace, and what He did on the cross. Only when we come in humility to the cross of Christ and meet Him there can we truly see that no amount of self punishment, do overs or self induced shame will change anything. Only repentance changes our hearts. Repentance, true repentance “allows an honest sense of our sinfulness to drive us toward the depth of Christ’s mercy in the gospel.”

Today may I encourage you to take all those “do over” wishes and lay them at the foot of the cross? Ask for forgiveness. Repent of the sins that may have caused them in the first place. Repent of your tendencies to want to try to go back to ‘fix it’. Move forward, forgetting the past and allow Christ to heal you, change you and show you how you can grow through those failures. Then choose to walk in the knowledge of His grace, forgiveness and power.

 

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Phil 3:13-15

I Can’t Forgive Them!

“You don’t understand what they’ve done to hurt me!”

“They keep hurting me, over and over!”

“They aren’t remorseful for what they have done!”

“How do you forgive someone who will not admit what they did to you?”

I have heard these and more from many I have spoken to. Their hurt is deep. They feel broken inside. They have been left with scars that seem to never heal.

Their pain comes from what others have done.

I have been here. I understand.

I would try over and over to forgive as an act of obedience to the God I loved. I would remind myself that HE forgave MY sins AGAINST Him. Horrible sins of murder (Matt 5:21-22), idolatry, adultery and list goes on and on…

But still I could not forgive. I could not forgive to the point that I could look at those who hurt me and LOVE them. I could not get to the point that I could PRAY for them. (Matt 5:39-45)

Until…

I prayed that God would allow me to see them. I prayed  that that God would allow me to see the heart of those who hurt, offended, beat and abused me as He sees them.

Something happened unexpected as I prayed, God began to show me my own heart instead. You see I was a wretched sinner, but God looked down on me with mercy and love. And with a marvelous grace, I will never understand, He sent His Son to die so that MY sins could be forgiven.

I did not ask Him to. I did not, do not, will never deserve His Grace.  And yet He gives it to me freely.

I began to ask “How am I different than those who have sinned against me? Jesus died for their sin too. They, like me, are sinners in need of a Savoir.” They are no different than me. Not really. We are both sinners. We both have wronged another. Our actions and words have wounded and hurt others.

God allowed and continue to allow me to see my enemies and those who have sinned against me through the eyes of the cross. At the cross I am on level ground with those who have sinned against me.

At the cross Jesus took upon Himself the sin of mankind. MY sin and THEIR sin.

When I look at those who have hurt me through the cross I can forgive them. I can love them. I can pray for them.

To say they don’t deserve God’s forgiveness, mercy or grace is to say the same of me. It also says that I do not fully understand the GRACE that God gives to me.

I know it’s not easy, in fact humanly speaking it’s impossible. I must remember that it’s a process of letting go of the hurt and giving it over to God. I must remind myself that He has forgiven me of SO much, how can I not forgive them?

We can only truly forgive when we allow the pain and the hurt to take us to the cross where we can, once again, gaze at the sacrifice of Christ. It’s at the cross that we must preach the gospel to ourselves everyday and then we will find it easier to forgive as Christ has forgiven you.

If You Love Me…

Sometimes when I sit and read the word of God it speaks so simply and I wonder how can the reader not understand? It’s so straight forward, the truth so obvious.   This morning was one of those times.

I sat down to read John 14, taking a break from Acts. This weekend we had a special speaker, one of our missionaries. He spoke on John 15 and as he brought forth the truth my heart was deeply pricked. It wasn’t a new truth, but I heard the Father ask a simple question of my heart. “Do you love me? Do you love me enough to allow me to prune you? Do you love me enough to allow me to lift up those parts of your life that are lying in the mud? Do you love me enough to allow me to reattach those places that no longer bear fruit?” (John15:1-6)

These are not easy questions. They trouble my heart. I am troubled because I am aware that if I truly loved Him the answer would be a whole hearted, “yes!”. Instead I think of how tired I am, how discouraged I have been and I think to my self, “maybe the pain, the surrender, the dying to self isn’t worth it”.

The Spirit speaks to my spirit and reminds me, “You have a Helper. You are not alone. “Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me.” (John 14:1)

I realize my thinking isn’t truth so I open the book of Truth and read John chapter 14.

This is Truth. Jesus is preparing a place for me with His Father. Jesus reminds me that He is THE way, THE truth and THE life and that no one comes to know the Father but through Him. (14:6) Jesus reminds me that if I truly believe in Him and the works that He does He will do even greater works in me and through me. All I need to do is ask in His name. And finally I am reminded that if I love Him I will keep His commandments. (14:15)

If I love Him? Of course I love Him! How could there even be a doubt in my mind?

“Do you love Me enough to allow Me to prune you?”

My heart is heavy and I see my sin, my weakness, my unwillingness to pay the cost of loving Him, of following Him.

I surrender. I confess. Again I am encouraged, by the words of Jesus. Through His word encouragement comes when He speaks to all and says that If you love Me not only will you keep my commandments but…

I will send a Helper to help you (14:16)

The Helper will abide with you and in you (14:17)

Jesus will not leave you (18)

Because He lives you live (19)

He is in His Father and you in Him and He is in you (20)

Jesus goes on to say that if we love Him we will -

Keep His commandments and will be loved by Him and the Father (21)

We will keep His word and the Father will love him (23)

We will come to Him and abide in Him (23)

Do I love Him? With great humility and honesty I must admit that at times my life and my thoughts testify against my love for Him. But I do love Him. I believe in Him, His words, His truth, His love for me. With all my life I choose to follow Him and count the cost, whatever it may be.

So yes, prune me, lift me up out of the mud, show me the areas of my life that have fallen from You. Teach me the things I still need to know, to see and to confess.

Oh Father I am forever in Your debt. These words that I have written seems so hollow in compared to all that I owe you. Help me. Remind me I am not alone in the pruning process. You have sent me Your Helper. He will teach me. He will remind me of all that You have said.  Father help me to live a life that shows I love You. Help me to do exactly what You command me to do. Help me to live like Jesus. Amen.

A Dirty Bride

The day grew near. His heart waited in anticipation.

Her heart longed for love. To be accepted, wanted, desired. She was so tired of being a throw away, feeling as if no one wanted her. The thought of anyone ever really loving her seemed beyond anything she imagined. Those who seemed to love always wanted something from her. If she loved, they would leave her.

Love never stay. And yet she dreamed of love. She longed for it. She even dreamed of that day when she would be a bride. Her heart grew with excitement as she thought of the day she would belong to someone. Oh to be truly loved by someone!

She wanted that perfect one who would make her feel whole, to feel loved. She would go from relationship to relationship, but each time she would lose yet another part of herself. She just wanted to feel beautiful. Slowly the ache of loneliness grew. It grew until it almost enveloped her soul. No matter how far she ran, how hard she tried to hide it was always there. A growing darkness within her.

All the while the one who loved her kept waiting, longing for the day when she would be his.

As the ache grew to a depth that it felt it would destroy her she found herself standing in front of a little chapel. There was soft music playing. It was drawing her in. She walked through the door and began walking down the aisle. Her eyes were on the figure that stood at the end of the aisle. His eyes were on her.

Who was this man? Why was she so drawn to him?

In His eyes there was such love, and yet, there was something else. A sadness or pain she could not tell. As she got closer she saw tears running down his face. As she stood in front of him she sensed such great sadness. With tears in his eyes and a voice filled with such compassion, he said to her, “My bride, I have been waiting for you.”

She stood there, not at all understanding why he would call her his bride. He came to her and told her how he loved her. He loved her with an everlasting love and he had waited for her for so long. As she looked in his eyes she began to see her reflection, it was a reflection she was not familiar with. It was a reflection of beauty.

As she looked down on herself she saw that her wedding dress was dirty and worn. She saw the true state of who she knew she was. She was not prepared to be a bride. How could he want her?

She fell to her knees and began to sob. Her heart was broken. She was not prepared for the one who loved her. How she knew this was the one she did not know, but she knew that this love was real. A love that would make her feel whole and beautiful.

Was she too late?

Her entire body shook with sobs as she begged for forgiveness. She began telling him how bad she was and unworthy of his love. She couldn't be His because she had already give so much of herself to others.

She felt his gentle hand on her shoulder as he said in a gentle voice. “My beloved bride, do not cry. I know your heart. I see the one you will become. I see beyond all the dirt, pain and sorrow. I have already made the sacrifices for your sins that are needed so that you may be clean, pure, whole and worthy of the bridegroom.”

She did not fully understand, at least not yet. His love penetrated deep within her soul and heart. She saw in His eyes healing. As she looked away from Him she noticed that her dress had changed. Instead of being dirty and worn it now looked brand new. It was the most beautiful dress she had seen. It was spotless, it was whiter than snow.

He took her face into His hands and said, “now dear one, go prepare for the day when you will be my bride for all eternity. Go tell everyone what your bridegroom has done.”

 

 

 

Adonai - Lord, Master

This is the name of God that speaks of God’s total possession over all that is created. God’s possession of me. Adonai "signifies ownership or mastership and indicates "the truth that God is the owner of each member of the human family, and that He consequently claims the unrestricted obedience of all." ¹

The name Adonai speaks of God as Lord and Master over my life. When Isaiah  heard his Master’s voice he responded to His voice by saying "Here I am. Send me!"  (Is 6:8)

If God is Lord and Master over my life then I will understand that I am His servant. I am a servant worthy to serve my God, my Master.

If God is Lord then I will lay down my life to serve Him and whatever He calls me to do. I will count it a privilege, an honor to serve.
If God is Lord and Master over all my life then I can be confident that whatever He calls me to do he will equip me to carry it out.

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.” Eph 2:10

Many find it difficult to surrender themselves to Adonai. To make Him Lord over our lives would require us to give up what control we think we might have. To give up a life of self-sufficiency.

Just this week as I have been studying what it means to be transformed by the gospel and looking at the elder son in Luke 15 I have been reminded of this – the need to give up trying to control my life.
I like rules. I like to follow them. I like to know where I stand. Even though I know I can never fulfill the law, I must admit I like having a list of do’s and don’ts. I so often find myself saying, “If you just tell me what to do, how to act, etc… I’ll obey” I just want the “list” so I can do what I am suppose to do.

But the root of all this is my idol. My idol of wanting to control. It’s a constant battle. What God is beginning to show me is that my desire for control, to be lord in my own life is sin. It really hit as I was listening to a sermon by Dr Tim Keller² when he said, “The default of every human heart is self justification. We try to be our own savior and lord, trying to control our own life.”  He was describing me. He was making me look deep inside to see the yuck in my heart.

Somehow it’s not so bad when we say “I have control issues”, but when we see it for what it really is we have no choice but recognize we want to be lord of our own lives. This my dear sisters is sin. It must be repented of. It’s an idol that must be destroyed.

My Adonai I have grieved you by making an idol of self and desiring control. Father shower me with Your grace. Continue to pull back the layers of my heart to reveal that which I still am trying to control. Show me those areas of my life I have not surrendered to You. Come Father and be Lord over all my life. Help me to say as Isaiah did, “Here I am!” Help me to die to all of self that You might live as Lord over all my life.

To know God and to know Christ as Lord (Adonai) means that I must relinquish my desires to want control over my life. I must give up my “rights” and allow Him to have complete reign over me. I must die and and allow Christ to live. (see Phil 1:21)


¹ Nathan Stone. Names of God. The Moody Bible Institute of Chicago, 1944, 2010, 62
² Dr.Tim Keller.Prodigal Sons. http://sermons2.redeemer.com/sermons/prodigal-sons

The Fruit is Evidence

Several months ago I had a conversation with a woman who said she didn’t like going to church with a bunch of hypocrites. “You know, the people who stand and pray on Sunday and cuss you out on Monday?”

We talked for quite some time about the truth of “Just because you attend church on Sunday doesn’t mean you are a Christian.” and “Just because you say you you are Christian doesn’t make you one.” I said, “In reality the church is filled with sinners and saved sinners.”

The reality is we all can appear to be hypocrites at times. It’s not that we desire to be, but the truth is we often say or act one way and then the next day behave the complete opposite. What we need to understand is that those who truly have a relationship with the Lord will see the hypocrisy in their life and confess it to God and ask forgiveness of others.

This led to the questions “What does it mean to be a true follower of God?  How will you know a Christ follower?”

So, how do we know? Jesus tells us in Matthew 7:16-20 “you will know them by their fruits...A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.”

He goes on to say in verses 21-23 that not everyone who says “Lord, Lord!” will enter heaven. Only those who obey God will enter.

These scriptures, taken as written shows us clearly that a true follower of Christ will produce good fruit in obedience to the Father.

This does not mean anyone who is good and does good things will go to heaven. Being good does not make one a Christian. But the evidence of a relationship with Christ will show through your good works. In other words, if you say you are a follow of Christ (a Christian) yet still live as the world does disregarding the sin in your life then you might want to question yourself on whether you are a Christian or not.

I am not judging here. Scripture is very clear that a Christian will show evidence of a relationship with Christ by the way they live.

1 John 1: 5-7 say  “God is light and there is no darkness in him at all. So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness. We are not living in the truth. But if we are living in the light of God's presence, just as Christ is, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from every sin.” (NLT)

I wanted to use the NLT version because it says it every plainly. But if you look at the bold sections in NASB  it says “If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light…”

When you look at the word walk in the Greek it means “to make one's way, progress towards, to live.” So we could say that if someone is living a life that progresses into sin then they do not practice truth. On the other hand if their life lived is progressing toward obedience and righteousness then they are practicing truth and the evidence of their life shows they truly are a Christ follower.

Living a continual life of sin and a believer in Christ does not go together. Yes Christians still sin. We disobey God. We are not perfect. John goes on to say in chapter 1:8-10 

“If we say we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and refusing to accept the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.  If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts. (NLT)

So what are we to do? We admit our sins. We confess them before God and He will forgive us of our sins.

What we need to understand is the Christian has an Advocate in Christ. Jesus Christ came to earth as a sacrifice for our sins so that we might find peace with God. (1 John 2:1-2) Through Christ’s death on the cross we have forgiveness of sins. (John 3:16)

1 John 3: 7-10 say “Dear children, don't let anyone deceive you about this: When people do what is right, it is because they are righteous, even as Christ is righteous. But when people keep on sinning, it shows they belong to the Devil, who has been sinning since the beginning. But the Son of God came to destroy these works of the Devil.Those who have been born into God's family do not sin, because God's life is in them. So they can't keep on sinning, because they have been born of God. So now we can tell who are children of God and who are children of the Devil. Anyone who does not obey God's commands and does not love other Christians does not belong to God.” (NLT)

I don’t know about you, but to me, this is black and white. There is no grey. No way around it. If I continually live a life of sin, disregarding what God says, then I just might want to question if I am truly a believer. And if I know someone who claims the name of Christ yet shows no evidence of it and continues living a sinful lifestyle then I might want to change how I pray for them.

I need to pray that they see the sin in their life, their heart. I need to pray that God would draw them unto Himself. Just because someone prayed a prayer once in their life doesn’t mean they are saved and going to heaven. Scripture is clear, a true Christ follow will show evidence of a continuous growth toward holiness and righteousness. If there is NO evidence of good fruit then we should be praying for their salvation.

If ever an opportunity clearly comes before me to speak this truth into a particular heart?  I pray I am bold enough, that all believers are bold enough, to speak truth and say “you might want to take it before God and ask Him if you are truly saved. You might not be a Christian.”  2 Peter 1:10 says “…be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you…) And Phil 2:12 reminds us to …”work out your salvation with fear and trembling…”

May I be ever diligent working out my salvation…confess my sins and continually live a life that abide (not to depart;to continue to be present) in Him.

“And this is what God has testified: He has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. So whoever has God's Son has life; whoever does not have his Son does not have life. I write this to you who believe in the Son of God, so that you may know you have eternal life.” 1 John 5: 11-13 (NLT)

For more in depth understanding about what it mean to be a Christ Follower why not study the Book of 1 John for yourself? Check these studies here, here or here.

 

Today I am linking up here…..

 

Return to Me My beloved

 

My dear child, I remember how eager you were to please me when you first came to salvation. How you loved me and and couldn’t wait to tell everyone about me. There was such joy and excitement in your heart.

You were willing to follow Me anywhere, even into the desert or the darkest valley. You would shout from the mountains how I had led you through barren land, darkness, death, pain, and sorrow. You would proclaim my name and give Me praise for leading you from bondage to freedom.

You began living a fruitful life, filled with so many of my blessings. Such joy showed on your face! Our worship time, both publicly and private was precious. You were seeking my kingdom above all else and all those around you wanted what you had.

But my most beloved child, your heart began to wander. You began to take notice of the world around you. You began to listen to the voices of others.

Now you defile your body and bow to idols. You chase after other gods and you have forgotten me. Your houses, and closets are filled with things that will not fill your heart. You have taken your eyes of the eternal and now look to the temporal.

My Father’s heart is grieved because my children have forgotten me. You have forgotten that it is I that can fill you with a living water that never runs dry. Instead of coming to me you fill yourself with things that do not satisfy.

Now your hearts and lives are lived in bondage to this world and the flesh, but you do not see it.

Do you not remember that I set you free? I broke your chain of slavery to the flesh when I died for you.

Do you not remember the covenant you made with me when you bowed your knee at the cross? I promised you a life of freedom, not without cost, but a life filled with Me. You said you believed upon me and wanted all I had to offer. You promised to live a life of obedience to Me.

But you have broken our covenant. You have prostituted yourself to the desires of this world. You run after that which is corrupt. You may think that you haven’t done these things but just stop and take an honest look at your life.

What are your priorities? Do you worship Me above all else? Do you hunger and thirst after righteousness? Or is your life too full to fit me in?

You complain that you are tired and weary and yet you are not willing to make the necessary changes. You continue to chase after bigger houses, expensive cars, closets full of designer clothes, lavish vacations, bigger TV’s, the newest gadgets. Tell me, Are you happy with all these things? Do they bring deep long lasting pleasure?

O My beloved children, come back to me! Turn from the idols that have a hold of your heart. Bow to me and me alone.

Return to the cross and remember the covenant that was made. Humble your heart before me, cleanse your minds and hearts of the things of this world.

Return to Me My beloved….

I have swept away your sins like the morning mists. I have scattered your offenses like the clouds. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free.

Isaiah 44:22

 

(I’ve been reading Jeremiah and today after reading chapter 4 this just poured out of me.)

It Should Have Been Me…

He had no sin and yet took on my sin.

He took on my punishment - my death.

It should have been me on that cross.

 

But, it wouldn’t have been enough.

 My heart is wicked, my flesh sinful.

His heart is beautiful, pure, and spotless.

He is without sin.

 He is God incarnate.

Only He could save me.

His sinless, pure heart was needed.

He would take my wicked heart and give me a new heart.

A clean heart.

One that is pure, righteous and holy.

 

Now written on my heart are His ways.

His words.

His love!

He put His Spirit inside me!

His very Spirit, LIVING in side ME!

He makes my heart new.

I am no longer a slave to sin.

I gladly live as a slave, a bond servant, to righteousness.

His righteousness.

He who knew no sin became sin for me.

Now I live in righteousness

He sees me as righteous.

He see me without sin.

 

 Hallelujah!

(Jeremiah 17:9; 30:40; 31:33-34; Ezekiel 36:26; Romans 6:18; 2 Corinthians 3:3; 5:21)

Bolt Up the Dung!

Our Pastor is currently doing a series on Nehemiah. We have been looking at the various gates that are in need of repair and it’s been quite interesting.

For example the “Sheep Gate” represents our salvation. The “Fish Gate” is making disciples. The “Old Gate” represents the Ancient path’s of wisdom – the Word of God. The “Valley Gate” is the gate of pressure or the gate of trials.

Then we come to the Dung Gate. The Hebrew word for Dung is ashpoth which means ash heap, refuse heap, dung-hill. Basically it’s the gate used to take out trash in the city.

We read about the Dung Gate in Neh 3:14 where it says “The Dung Gate was repaired by Malkijah son of Recab, ruler of the district of Beth Hakkerem. He rebuilt it and put its doors and bolts and bars in place.” (NIV)

This is so fascinating! Don’t you just love to be in the Word of God? You may be thinking “why is she getting so excited about TRASH for goodness sake” but please allow me to share my overwhelming excitement!

You see when our walls are in pieces and our life crumbles around us then we must allow God to rebuild the wall. The rebuilding process begins with going back to the cross (Sheep Gate). Go back and kneel before the cross and remember the perfect Lamb of God that was sacrificed for your sins. Remember your salvation. You were redeemed by the blood of the Lamb.

Then go and share your salvation with others. (Fish Gate). Be in the Word of God. Hunger and thirst after the Word of God. (Old Gate)

Once you allow the word to speak to your heart, God will begin to squeeze you. Trials will come in order to reveal to you those places in your heart that need to be rid of. (Valley Gate)

When God, through trials, sorrow and pain, squeezes out the TRASH of our hearts we MUST then get rid of it. We can not just allow it to stay in our hearts to rot and begin to smell of death and decay.

It must be taken out through the Dung Gate. It must be thrown out of our hearts and our life. Then…

Oh this is so exciting! I just LOVED this picture God has given us in His word!!

Once we throw out the dung we must bolt the door shut. Nehemiah says that Malkijah rebuilt the gate and “put its doors and bolts and bars in place.” 

The gate had bolts and bars on it! But why? So that when God has squeezed the YUCK out of our hearts and the Dung has been thrown out we can lock the gate behind us.

It is finished. Forgiveness has been sought. Grace applied. We no longer need to feel the weight of the sin and shame.

But so often we do. Why? Could it be that as we allow God to squeeze the trash out of our hearts we leave the gate open to the Dung Gate. We leave it open for the stench and the filth to follow us.

It’s so important to shut the gate and bolt it closed. The Dung of our hearts is taken care of and the guilt and shame no longer needs to follow you.

Isn’t that cool? Once we have confessed our sin, asked for God’s forgiveness we can shut the door and bolt it locked and FOREVER be done with it.

Today I am joining….

Lights Flashing in the Rearview

“The truth is, all sin is serious because all sin is a breaking of God’s law. The apostle John wrote, “Sin is lawlessness” (1 John 3:4). All sin, even sin that seems so minor in our eyes, is lawlessness…it is a complete disregard for the law of God…”  (Jerry Bridges*)

Simply put, ALL sin, no matter what value we may place on it, is lawlessness and grieves the heart of God.

 

I’m not really certain why I woke up Sunday morning thinking about the differences between raising a compliant child verses a strong willed one. I had one of each and have often said that I’d rather raise a strong willed child over a compliant one any day. It’s easier to discipline the heart of disobedience that is seen versus a disobedient heart that is often masked under what seems to be obedience.

Maybe God wanted me to blog about it? Maybe … what? Who knows why we I think what I think! Little did I know what God had in store this day.

Keith was sick, so I began my drive to church listening to praise music preparing my heart for worship. Well sort of, I was singing AND thinking can this guy in front of me go any SLOWER! I looked at my speedometer. He was going the speed limit, still I was frustrated, maybe he would turn off soon.

No, I would follow him almost the whole way to church. He turns off the road and off I go. Not even three minutes later, about three blocks from church I see lights in my rearview mirror. “Great!” I thought to myself, “I wasn’t going that fast was I ? I had just passed one of those signs that post your speed and I was under the limit!”

I get my information out, ready to had it to the officer. “Where are you headed in such a hurry?” he asked me. “Church”, I said rather sheepishly.

“well, ma’am I clocked you doing 53 in a 35.”

“Oh” “ I am really sorry, Sir.”

He took my information and left me sitting, waiting for my ticket. My consequence for breaking the law. He left me sitting there…with my thoughts…the thoughts of this morning of a disobedient heart that is often masked under what seems to be obedience.

“I knew better. The law is the law. Break it and you are guilty. Whether you are caught or not, you are still guilty. Whatever the fine was I deserved it. It was mine to pay, no one to blame but me.”

These were my thoughts as I sat there…waiting…then my heart heard the chorus of the song playing on the radio…

“Change me on the inside
Change me on the inside
Change me on the inside
Change me on the inside
Change me on the inside
Change me on the inside”

Oh God I have sinned against you! My heart is deceitful and wicked. So often I can be that compliant child that appears to be obedient, doing all the right things, saying the right things but my heart’s attitude is not right before YOU!

My thought’s are interrupted. The officer is at my window. I am surprised by his words. “Ma’am I am giving you a warning today. You need to slow down.” “Yes Sir, thank you very much. I really appreciate your kindness.”

As I slowly drove away the only thought in my mind was “grace”. The officer didn’t have to show my grace. I broke the law and deserved to pay the consequences.  “GRACE” God’s grace. I have done nothing to deserve His grace and yet He bestows me with it daily.

All day yesterday I couldn’t help but think about the sin I so easily tolerate in my heart. Pastor Tim shared asked that same morning if our walls needed to be rebuilt. He asked us if “the walls of our life are in ruin?” “Are there holes in our wall?” “Places that are weak or open?” Had I not just experienced what I did I most likely would have said no. I mean, I am in the word, I pursue God, my relationship with Him is priority. So of course my wall is standing tall and strong!

I know it was just a speeding violation. You might be thinking “she’s making too much of this!” But you see I know, I mean I really KNOW that even something as seemingly small as a traffic violation is still sin. I disobeyed the law.

Yes there was grace. There IS GRACE. But what God showed me is a heart that often disregards those laws, or rules I don’t think much about. Or DON"’T LIKE!

That my dear brothers and sister is disobedience. It reveals a heart that needs changing. Part of my walls that need rebuilding.

Oh and the really sad part of all this was I had plenty of time. I wasn’t even late!! I was breaking the speed limit just because I wanted to, or wasn’t thinking about it. Not that if I was late it would have been justified…

I came home and looked up the verses to the song playing on the radio when I was pulled over… The song was Change Me On The Inside- by Brian Doerksen & Joseph Williams. It’s a short song…but gets to the heart of the matter

I long for freedom to live in the truth
I want to be more like You
But every time I try to bring about change
I only touch the visible me
There's only one way I'm really gonna change
Just like King David, I cry out to You
Create in me a clean heart
I've grieved You again, I need Your release
From patterns that keep me in sin
There's only one way I can finally break free

Change me on the inside (x6)

So today I ask myself, “Do I have a clean heart?” “Is my spirit pricked when I sin, no matter the sin?”

Maybe to some this is just ridiculous. It was breaking man’s law, not God’s. I would say it’s still sin and further more it exposes a heart that can disregard the law when it suits me. It’s a wrong attitude of the heart.

I want to be “holy as He is holy” I want to be like Jesus. I do not want to grieve the heart of God in any way. I can not do it. It’s impossible for me to change in any way, shape of form. It’s impossible to rebuild the walls of my heart to keep sin out.

I want to live my life purposefully. Purposefully following God and obeying His law. I want to rid myself of me, and the sin that so easily entangles me.  (Heb 12:1)

It’s impossible for me….but not for God. So my prayer is “Lord, Change me from the inside out.

 

*Respectable Sins: Confronting the sins we tolerate by Jerry Bridges,  NavPress 2007.

Have We Failed The Test?

Since the beginning of the year I have been reading through the Bible and jotting down blog ideas! Thoughts that have really struck me in a new or different way, hoping that I’ll be able to get back to them and study further. Well, several weeks ago I read Judges 3 and saw something I hadn’t really noticed before and my mind has not let it go.

Judges 3 begins this way, “The LORD left certain nations in the land to test those Israelites who had not participated in the wars of Canaan. He did this to teach warfare to generations of Israelites who had no experience in battle…These people were left to test the Israelites -- to see whether they would obey the commands the LORD had given to their ancestors through Moses.” (v.1,2,4)

As I read those verses I couldn’t help but to compare it to my life. To life here in what is considered a “Christian” nation. A nation built on godly morals by people who fought for their religious freedom. They were not afraid to take a stand against those who would deny their right to worship God. They left everything they knew, everything they had and came to a land that promised freedom.

I’ve often wondered how we got here, to where we are today. A nation led by godless leaders. Making laws in favor of things God calls sin. How did we become a nation that allows homosexuals to marry? We allow babies to be aborted? We have allowed God to be taken out of our schools, our work place and our government!

Where did it happen? When did godly men and women begin turning a blinds eye to sin? When did we stop fighting for what God sees as right and holy? When did we, as a nation and as a church, fail the test?

A test? What test? I believe God will always leave “certain nations” or “certain people” in the land to test us. Why? To see whether we would obey the commands of the Lord. Will we stand up and fight against God’s enemies? Have we forgotten that we have God on our side? As believers we have God fighting for us and with us and yet so often we sit idly by and allow those that have been left to test us, rule us.

Israel, like God’s people today, joined together with the pagan nations. They began to worship the god’s of the land. They began to do what was evil in the sight of the Lord. And they forgot about God. (v.5-8)

Let’s remember that God’s judgment in verse 8 is against Israel, not the nation. God’s anger burned against His own people and He handed them over to a King to be his subjects. There freedom was gone.

Do you see the lesson here for us to learn? Today we cry out that our nation needs to repent, but it’s not the nation. It’s God’s people that needs to repent. His people have become apathetic and no longer fight for God. His people serve the god of this nation, wealth, power and self interest. His people have allowed sin into the church to the point that many churches no longer care about God’s law and only teach a watered down gospel.

God allowed the nation to rule over Israel for eight years. What changed? The people, God’s people,  “cried out to the LORD for help, the LORD raised up a man to rescue them.” (v.9)

 

Oh Father how I have sinned, how your church, and your bride has sinned against you. Forgive me for not standing up for Your truth. Forgive me for those times I have voted for godless men and women to rule this nation. Forgive me for sitting by and allowing this nation and it’s leaders to take You out of the schools, the work places and the government. O, Father forgive a generation that has been apathetic and have forgotten You. Show me what you would have me do. Help me to stand against Your enemies, even if it means standing against a giant with only a sling shot and a few rocks. I know that You will be with Your people who choose to make a stand for righteousness. Father raise up those who will fight for You. Lead a revival in this land among Your church. O God I pray that You will begin by creating a fire in my own heart, a holy, righteous fire.

At the Foot of the Cross

I have come to the cross Lord Jesus so many times. Humbled. Broken.

For confession. Cleansing. Healing.

It's not a beautiful cross, ragged and worn.

The comes because You died here. You died for me.

So that I might be free.

Jesus I often find myself here looking at the cross, not wanting to forgot the sacrifice you gave so that I could live.

But as I sit at the foot of the cross I often forget to look beyond to the grave.

You know longer hand on the cross. In your death you took upon my sin, pain, suffering and shame. Then three days later you came out of the grave!

You were victorious over death! Victorious over sin! My sin is gone! I am free!

Jesus you set me free!

So while I need to remember the cross and Your sacrifice there I must also remember to look to the grave.

Because of You I can live in victory over sin and death.

Oh Lord Jesus help me to battle the enemy that would love to see me stay in bondage to sin. Help me to take captive every thought and expose the lies. Show me those areas that I am still in bondage to, those lies I still believe. Strip away all that is not from you. My desire is to be soft clay, molded into the image you created for me. Do with me Jesus as you will...

A Sorrow That Brings Repentance

I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance… (2 Cor 7:9a)

“Your not really sorry, just sorry you got caught.” I Was 19 and these word rang loud in my ears. At the time I didn’t know for certain if what was said to me was true or not.

She was an older woman, who loved me and wanted what was best for me, at least that’s what I thought. On that particular day she sat me down and shared her concern that I didn’t show any real remorse for my sin. She wondered if I truly understood the gravity of my sinfulness before God and the consequences I would face because of my sin. I told her I understood. I understood that what I had done went against God’s word, against what was holy. I understood my sinfulness. She looked me in the eyes and said “Sharon I do not see a sorrow that brings repentance.”

In the years since then I have often thought of that conversation and wondered exactly what she was looking for that would have convinced her of my sorrow. Should I have cried? Wailed? Should there have been tearing of clothes, wearing sackcloth and ashes? I really am not sure, but maybe a few tears would have been nice.

The trouble is, tears just don’t come easily for me. And I have even tried to cry when I think maybe I should, but I can’t. Oh trust me I can cry, but I can not make myself, nor do my tears seem to come when I think they should.

So then, how does a person know for certain if they are sorrowful over their sin? If they’ve truly repented? We only need to look as far as God’s word for the answer. It’s all about the heart. A changed life shows if a person has truly repented. Anyone can “look” sorrowful, many can manufacture tears, but it doesn’t mean they are sorry for what they have done.

2 Corinthians 7:10-11 gives us great insight into the difference between worldly sorrow and a sorrow that leads to repentance. There is a sorrow, a godly sorrow, which will produce repentance and deliver you from the power of the sin. Then there is also a sorrow, a worldly sorrow, that produces death.

The evidence of godly sorrow will be seen in the persons life if they are truly repentant.

Godly sorrow will produce vindication. Vindication means that you will not cover up what you have done but you are naming it for what it is, sin.

It will produces indignation which means to grieve, or an anger born out of grief over sins triumph. You will be angry that sin got the best of you, that you gave into sin.

It will produce fear. It’s the fear of God that causes us to depart from sin. A healthy fear of God keeps us from sinning against a holy God.

Godly sorrow will also produce in us a longing, a zeal and an avenging of wrong. We will have a longing to be right with God. We will also have a desire to make things right with all others who might be involved. We will have an earnestness to do all we can do to correct or fix what has been done. To make it right. We will have a commitment to totally avenge the wrong that was done.

Outward signs of sorrow can come easily for anyone, but the heart that is truly repentant, that has godly sorrow will show itself in a changed life. A heart that is truly repentant will show a consistent change in the days, weeks, months afterwards, you will SEE evidence of their sorrow that brings repentance.

As for that 19 year old, it was a sorrow that brought repentance. Since that moment in my life my heart has sought to follow Him.