My heart is troubled as I look within and see the darkness that lurks there.
I want Jesus to empty me of my will, self-desires, self sufficiency and the idols that keep me from truly seeking my Fathers heart.
I long for the deepest part of God- to know His heart- to feel it beating inside me.
I long for it and yet it terrifies me.
His heart, His love, it will break me. I will be undone.
It is required in order to truly die to self. To give myself over completely. To be undone by His love. His grace.
My flesh rises up and wants to overpower my longing to die!! I must, once again, lay it all at the cross.
My focus should always be the cross and what happened there.
Christ dying for my sin. Conquering death, He lives.
My soul is weary. Weary of the battle. Fighting the flesh.
But weariness comes when I take my eyes off of Jesus, the cross and what was accomplished there.
Why does my flesh, my will, try to fight a battle that has already been won.
There is victory.
Victory has been won through Christ.
Father help me to surrender, to be completely undone by Your grace.
Help me rest.
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Leave me some joy...