I sat there listening intently to our pastor bring forth truth from God’s word. It was a continuation of the week before. I was eager to hear more of how the Word of God works in our lives. In my life.
He asked a question. Do you love the word of God? Are you passionate about God’s word? Do you seek to uncover the treasures hidden within as if it were the purest of gold?
Yes, YES! My heart cried.
But since then I have heard God whisper ever so gently in my heart. “Do you really? Are you still passionate about being in my word like you once were?” The question haunted me. It cut deep within as it exposed truth. The truth of a lost passion.
I had not stopped being in the word. I was and am doing my daily readings as I go through in a year, but little beyond that. I’d pick up my Bible to study only to find myself distracted and seemingly without a purpose.
What was wrong? Was there sin? Am I just being lazy? Have I just lost my desire? But why would I loose desire for that which I loved so passionately before?
My heart was grieved. I looked to God for an answer. One of the first thoughts that came to my mind was, I am not in a Bible Study. I am not studying with other like-minded women. Studying the word together with others is such an encouragement. It keeps me accountable.
Studying deep, honestly, with vulnerability was what was missing. It has been a very long time since I have had that. That must be it. It had to be it. My spirit wouldn’t let it go. You see for some time now I have “whined” before God that there are no like-minded women to study with. Not that like to study the way I do. I’ve tried leading a study, but hardly anyone comes. So I get discouraged. I am discouraged.
I’m discouraged because I am looking at me. Somewhere along the line it became about me, AGAIN! It’s so frustrating to be here again. It’s not about me and what I think or want. I KNOW THIS!!
It’s about what God wants to do in me and through me. It’s about God’s glory and how He chooses to reveal Himself to me. It is all about God. Why do I seem to need to learn this lesson over and over again?
I can not “blame” my loss of passion on the lack of having others studying with me. My lack of passion is due to a wrong attitude in my own heart. In my heart I had begun to slip back to old patterns of thinking. I desired intimacy with others instead of God. I want heart friends, sisters that would be there for me. I wanted it to be about meeting my needs.
In the beginning it sounded good since I wanted to do it through studying His word. But the lies of our idols can sound like truth and we begin to walk into their trap before we realize the danger we are in. It started out being about God and desiring to have other’s in my life that would walk with me, but it ended up being a desire to fulfill my feelings of discouragement, loneliness and being forgotten.
So here I am today, faced with a choice. Well that’s not really true, for there is only one choice and that is returning to my Jesus. I lost passion because I began to look to others instead of Him. I began to think in my mind that I needed more than just Him and His word. It’s not true. It’s not Jesus and ______, it’s Jesus. Period. Nothing more, nothing less.
You see what I had forgotten is that I need to go Jesus first. He wants me to run to Him and His word for all that my heart desires. Yes He wants us to be in community, but only after we’ve gone to Him.
When I am filled with Jesus and the truth of His word then…
- I have the right attitude in the midst of community.
- I come in order to serve and be “Jesus with skin on”.
- I do not look to be served and it’s not about me.
- I am better equipped to discern lies from truth.
- I am able to see the idols I am turning to instead of turning to God.
So what do I need to do today? Or as our Pastor asked at the end of his sermon “What do I need to apply immediately?”
It’s simple. First, I must pray. I need to confess. Confess that I have being running after other things instead of running to Him. I need to tell God the truth of my idols and wrong attitudes.
Second, I must choose to return to God and His promises. When I begin to turn to idols I have turned away from God and have begun the walk back to Egypt and slavery, just as the Israelites did in the Old Testament. I have chosen bondage over freedom. It needs to be a daily, moment by moment choice of turning my heart to God. My heart is so easily deceived. I must never think I can just run on auto pilot.
Third, I need to be diligent and on guard constantly. The enemy does not want to see God’s children enter into the fulfillment of God’s promises. He will deceive, lie and use words that seem like to truth to keep us from a passionate pursuit of God. The enemy is good at what he does, but those who are constantly before the face of God will not be so easily led back to Egypt.
Oh dear sisters, it’s a battle isn’t it? We can not let our guards down for even a second. Our enemy is just waiting to keep us from living a life lived in the freedom of God’s Spirit.
Today I began again. I will stop and do an about face. I will go to God’s word in obedience and know that He will meet me there. I will be patient, knowing that God does indeed have a plan for me, but for now I must seek Him whole heartedly.
My passion for His word will return as I return in obedience to the pursuing of His word.
I want to close using Psalm 119:169-176 as my prayer. As you read this take note exactly what the Psalmist is asking for. May our hearts desire the same as we seek Him with greater intimacy and passion.
“May my cry come before you, O LORD; give me understanding according to your word. May my supplication come before you; deliver me according to your promise. May my lips overflow with praise, for you teach me your decrees. May my tongue sing of your word, for all your commands are righteous. May your hand be ready to help me, for I have chosen your precepts. I long for your salvation, O LORD, and your law is my delight. Let me live that I may praise you, and may your laws sustain me. I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not forgotten your commands.”
It’s been awhile since I’ve linked up to the below but I know you will be blessed as you read what other’s are learning…