From the moment I held my sweet babies in my arms I knew there would come a day when they would leave.
Somewhere deep inside my mother’s heart I knew there would come a day when I would no longer be needed. My job would be done.
There were days when I thought that an empty nest wasn’t coming fast enough. The days would pass ever so slowly. Older women, wiser women, would say to me “enjoy every moment, before you know it they’ll be gone.”
I would try to enjoy every moment, to make memories and allow other things to fade in the back ground and pour my life into my boys. Then there were days, moments in the life of being a mom, that I just wish they were grown already.
I loved being a mom. It’s the hardest job I have ever had. But it’s really not a job, it’s a privilege, a ministry, a role of a lifetime. Having your child wrap their little arms around you, and say “mommy I love you” makes the hard times of being a mother melt away.
But they do grow up. They become independent. They leave the nest. They build there own homes, family and life. I knew the day would arrive and quite honestly in the later teens years I was totally ready for them to move out.
As they grow up there becomes this natural pulling away. They become young men. God placed a natural desire for them to want to leave and become “king” of their own castle. It’s the way it should be. It’s what I prepared them to do. As a mom I trained, prayed, loved, encouraged, prayed and prayed that they would grow into responsible godly men.
What I wasn’t prepared for was the void it would leave in my heart. I wasn’t prepared for this season of my life.
My nest has been empty for a year and a half. So why is it hitting me so hard now? Honestly in the beginning it was exciting watching them grow up and move on. There were rooms to paint, redecorate and there was a sense of excitement as they left.
Then the quiet settles in around you. Some days it’s just too quiet.
I wonder, “now what”? There is a feeling that I am no longer needed. A sense of having no purpose.What do I want to do when I grow up? I don’t have an answer. These emotions are new. I didn’t expect them. I wasn’t prepared.
I am unsure of my future. I don’t believe for even a moment God is finished with me. As I seek His path for my life now, in this new season, it seems that more doors close than open. It adds to the feeling of not being needed and dare I say it, wanted.
I draw closer to my God. I listen. I am quiet. I wait.
It’s hard. It’s really hard, the place I am in now. Waiting. Waiting for God’s timing and not rushing ahead of Him. I have done that, rushed ahead, it doesn’t work. I know without a doubt that the safest place to be is in the middle of His will. In His presence. I long for that.
So with a heart that misses being a mommy to my two little boys I wait with a heart of excitement to see what God is going to do.