When We Feel Shriveled Up By Suffering

Though I have become like a wineskin in the smoke, I do not forget Your statutes. Ps 119:83

I have always loved Psalm 119 and as a result have spent much time reading and studying it. This chapter has brought sweet comfort and refreshment to my soul on many occasions. But it never fails that a fresh reading of it will bring something new that I hadn't seen before. Today, while reading I stopped at verse 83 and thought so what happens to a wineskin in smoke? What does the psalmist mean by saying that he has "become like a wineskin in smoke"? 

Here is what I found:

The KJV uses bottle instead of wineskin and has this to say, "As the bottles in the East are made of skin, it is evident that one of these hung up in the smoke must soon be parched, shriveled up, lose all its strength, and become unsightly and useless. Thus the Psalmist appeared to himself to have become useless and despicable, through and exhausted state of his body and mind, by long bodily afflictions and mental distress." (1)

As I read this I couldn't help but remember those times in my life that I too have felt parched, shriveled up, weak and useless. For a variety of reasons, whether it's illness, pain, tragedy, sorrow, or any number of difficult circumstances, the journey of this life can seem to leave us withered and worn. These times can come as a result of God's discipline. It is true that God disciplines us for good and our suffering comes in order to produce endurance and character (Romans 5:3-5). But it doesn't always seem like it's for our good and we feel as if we are being dried up. 

So it's in the midst of feeling dried up and useless that we can say, "even though I feel like I am being shriveled up and weak I will not forget Your word. I will not forget your truth." I love Keble's paraphrase, "The severity of the discipline does not alienate me from thee, or cause me to depart from thy Law."  And then there is Matthew Poole's Commentary which says, "My natural moisture is dried and burnt up; I am withered and deformed, and despised; and my case grows worse and worse..." (2) but I do not forget Your word.  

Today regardless of where we are in this journey may we remember that our strength comes from the truth of His word. May we be reminded that in His word we find comfort. No matter how "parched or shriveled" you may feel do not depart from what you know is true according the the Word of God.

(1) http://biblehub.com/psalms/119-83.htm

(2) http://biblehub.com/commentaries/psalms/119-83.htm



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Devoted to Prayer

I recently shared a post declaring my “one word” for 2015. Over the years God has given me a verse and a word for the year. Although regardless of what the word is it does not seem that the lessons end just because the year ends. But God seems be speak a word into my heart as a sort of a beginning of a life of lessons on a greater, deeper level.

I chose the word Grace for this year, but no verse. It didn’t come. A even though I chose grace it didn’t seem right. It is a good word. It’s a word God has been teaching me more about. My desire is to be a grace filled woman of God. The word seemed right, at least it seemed right to me.

Days after choosing it another word came to mind. A word I didn’t want. A word I know I struggle with. The word is prayer. The verse is Romans 12:12 “rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer,” It the phrase “devoted to prayer” that pulls at my heart. I do pray. I have conversations with God through out the day. But sadly I would say they are more casual than devoted. I want to be a woman of prayer.

It’s not so much “the” gift of prayer I seek but as I read about the saints of old, about our church fathers and mothers they seem to have one thing in common. They were people who prayed. Some prayed for hours a day. I read a story of a man of prayer that actually wore grooves in the floor for he prayed so often. And what difference did all this praying do? These men and woman had great faith. There was a peace and grace about them. They were men and women who knew God deeply and intimately. More intimately than I do.

Intimacy with God is found through prayer. I want it. I long for it. But if you would allow me to be really honest, it also frightens me. Intimacy with God has always seemed somewhat unsafe. I mean He is GOD, The Most High, Creator and Lord of the Universe can I hope to have intimacy with Him? Besides, if He is in control, if He is Sovereign is my prayers really going to make a difference? Do we really change the mind of God? Isn’t God’s plans going to work out whether or not I pray? All these and more are questions that often haunt my mind. I’ve always pushed them aside and not really tried to find answers.

Romans 12 talks about a life that is acceptable to God, to be transformed and to have a mind that is renewed and while I need much works in many areas the one I believe God is asking me to focus on this year is prayer. To be devoted to prayer.

This is not so much about how to pray, but why do we pray? What does it mean to be devoted to prayer? What does a life devoted to prayer look like?

Oh dear friends that is part of me that is afraid. Afraid to admit that I struggle in the area of prayer, at least what I would consider a devoted prayer life. But I want to be honest. I want to be vulnerable. I want to be real.

A Failure to Focus

I am working through Hebrews and opened up today to chapter 3 where it begins “Therefore, holy brethren, partakers of a heavenly calling, consider Jesus, The Apostle and High Priest of our confession;” My goal today was to just read the chapter, but how can I go on read without pausing on this rich thought. There is so much here. So much to consider.

I love the richness of His Word. But too often I neglect it. I push it aside for other things, often this that seem to be good. But I miss out on HIS words. I miss His words pouring into my soul anew and experiencing the refreshment they have to offer.

How long, O Lord, will I neglect your word? How soon I forget the comfort, the peace and the joy Your words bring?!

It’s been 4 days since I last looked at Hebrews and the first thing I am struck by in this verse is “consider Jesus”. Consider Him, The Apostle and High Priest. Consider this Jesus who is God, the first born of all creation. The One who is fully of glory, who created all things. The One who sits at the right hand of God, who suffered death on a cross. (Heb 1 &2) Who “had to be made like His brethren in all things, so that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people” (Heb 2:17)

Consider, fix your eyes on THIS Jesus. Oh how often I loose sight of who He IS. I loose sight of Him because my eyes have been fixed on the things of this world. Things that do not matter. Things that He already has control over. Things I am not to concern myself with for God is working them all out in His time and His way.

O Father….May I consider Jesus today. May I fix my eyes on Him. My I focus on YOU!

Oh Jesus help me to keep my eyes on You. Forgive me for neglecting You and Your word. Forgive me for those moments that my eyes become fixed on this world and all the worries and cares that it brings. I can not do this alone, my flesh constantly desires to turn its eyes from you, forgive me for thinking I can do it. Fill me with Your Spirit. Help me keep my eyes fixed on You and You alone. Thank you for Your grace and Your mercy. Thank you for forgiving me of my sins. Thank You for Your Spirit that lives in me. Amen.