I See You Through Grace

 

It's been two years. 

I don’t know if this is normal, but in the two years since you’ve been gone, I’ve come to understand you more.

Maybe it’s because I’ve changed. I see things differently now.

I look at your life, and I see the little girl who grew into a woman, a wife, a mother, a young widow, a grieving parent, a grandmother, and a child of God.

I see the trauma you walked through. The hardships. The suffering. The uncertainty. And I realize that in each season, you did what you believed was best.

You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. Isn’t that all any of us can do?

It wasn’t always perfect. Mistakes were made. But you kept showing up. 

I know I said this, in part, at the end of your life, and I hope you fully understood. I am grateful God has given me the ability to forgive and give grace in those spaces that hurt, or I just didn’t understand. 

I’m still learning from your life. Still growing, still softening, still understanding. And so in that way, you are still with me.

And now, with time and distance, I can say what I couldn’t before: I see you with grace. I carry less blame, less hurt, and more understanding. I hope you knew, even when I didn’t know how to show it, that I loved you.