The last few days I have felt as if I am just walking through the days not really sure what I am feeling.
This process of losing my brother is not a typical grieving process. It’s a long story. A sad story. A story to be told. Maybe some day.
I have sweet precious memories. Sad memories.
It’s been hard to explain my emotions, it’s been hard to process the thoughts that are twirling inside.
I sit looking at blank pages of my journal and there aren’t any words to write.
Everyone wants to know how I am. I am fine. Really. And yet I don’t know. I need time. I just need time.
Today it just hurts.
Then I heard this song and I thought yes…this is what I need today.
He is my strength today. He is everything I need. Jesus will carry me through this. He will help me find understanding, peace and He will help me find acceptance.
I think I can relate just a little bit...maybe. When my nephew was killed a few years ago, I had all these weird emotions that I couldn't even explain. He was my nephew. Yet, because my brother has removed himself from our family, we had very little contact, so I didnt really know my nephew. I grieved for a boy I didn't know well, but I grieved for the loss. The fact that I didn't have a chance to know him..that I didn't get to fuss over him. that I will never really know him. It was grief that welled up and came from my GUT! It was overwhelming. A part of my family...a part of me...and yet I never got to really know him. It was so hard! But it also made the state of my family more of a reality. It made it more real that my brother was not a part anymore. It reminded me of how my parents hurt. Of conflict and division. There was so much wrapped up in that death that I had to sift through, and it took time. I would start to cry and couldn't even figure out why. I was just overwhelmed with grief for so many reasons. Give it time, Sharon. Work through it. God will help you work through it! I love you!
ReplyDeleteThank you Gina...I think you do indeed relate. Love you too!
ReplyDeleteLoving you, friend. Wish I could hug you.
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