He saw me before the foundations of the earth ever came into being. He saw all of my life in that one moment, from the beginning to the end. He knew me and loved me.
He knew that as a little girl I would have hopes, dreams, love deeply and enjoy life. I would be precious to my Father and He too had such hopes and dreams for me. From the moment He fashioned me He fell in love. He had never seen anyone so beautiful. For He believed that each of His creations were filled with such beauty and so precious to Him. But tears fell down His eyes as He held me, His precious daughter. He would watch me grow; and see how I made Him laugh with the silly things I’d do and say. Oh how I would love life and see the beauty of it all. My tender child’s heart caused Him to smile.
His smile was also filled with sadness, for He knew what was to come. He knew I would not understand the life that I would live. He knew what I would suffer. My Father would weep for the pain and suffering I would endure. He knew He had the power to stop it; a suffering that would leave me numb and lost. A suffering that would change me forever. Man’s sin would leave it’s mark on my life. I would make sinful choices of my own. Sin that would bring more pain, heartache and suffering. But in that moment my Father saw another One suffer an even greater suffering. One who would not deserve to suffer and yet choose to. He saw His Son suffer for the sins of all mankind. His suffering, and death would set me free. Because of His suffering I would be healed.
It would take years for me to understand though. It would take walking through darkness and pain before I would be able to see what His suffering meant for me. But, my Father knew I would someday have an even greater understanding of His suffering because of what I would suffer. I would, in part, see His suffering and understand the pain and the torment He went through because of my own suffering. In the midst of seeing His suffering I would then see the hope, the beauty of His suffering for me. His beauty would then reflect in my face.
Until then I would feel so alone and abandoned. I would walk in such darkness, afraid. How could He help me understand He was with me? He had His arms wrapped so tightly around me, loving me, but I would not know. I could not see His tears fall as evil took over my body. I could not hear Him weeping loudly and painfully. His groans would be so loud that all of heaven could hear. I would not know that He felt all my pain. He would feel the tearing of my soul and the tears that would not come. "Vengeance is mine He'll cry!" "You will not destroy her! For out of this evil I will create beauty. Out of these ashes I will create a garland." "Oh my child, I will not leave you."
Before the foundations of the world were ever formed He knew me and tears ran down His face. He knew what His precious little girl would walk through. The years of pain that she would not understand until she had grown. In that moment He held her tightly and whispered, "My Beloved, I love you, I will walk with you. I will not leave you alone."
(This was originally published on this blog in 2008. Today God brought it to mind and as I read it I ended up editing and rewriting it.)