Too often I expect perfection from myself. I hate failure. When I do fail to meet my own expectations I am really good at beating myself up. My soul and spirit can become black and blue from the beating I receive at my own tongue lashing. Then, I spiral downward and just quit. I quit the project, ministry, writing, friendship et cetera that isn’t turning out as I thought. This has been my pattern. Failure seems to equal more failure.
I am in one of those places now. I have allowed myself to get behind here on my blog. I am behind in my Bible study class, in fact I haven’t even made one class yet. I am behind on friend correspondence and emails. Plus several other projects that are left sitting, undone.
These things scream failure. They remind me that I am not enough. I can’t do it all. My spirit begins to soar downward.
“Breathe deeply from My grace.” Is the whisper I hear within my heart. “I see you. I hear you. Come to Me. Rest in Me. I am what you need.”
“Breathe in. Breathe out.”
And I remember. I remember His grace is sufficient when I am weak. It is His strength that will see me through today.
I have forgotten that He will give me what I need when I need it in order to do what He has called me to do. This is why today I am praying and asking God to show me if I am doing what He has called me to do or if I am trying to do more than He is asking. Today I drink deeply from His grace and His strength.
Grace that reminds me that it’s been a hard three weeks filled with my own ER visit, hospital stay, and sickness. It’s been filled with my mother-in-law’s unexpected death and planning a memorial service. It’s been filled with sleepless nights and studying for a mid-term test.
So, I take a deep breath as I face today, with the last three weeks behind me, and I ask God to help me prioritize the next few weeks as I finish this semester and prepare for the holidays coming up. I ask Him if there are those things that perhaps I need to let go of, for now, without condemnation.
I am reminded that even if it’s a good thing but it’s not in God’s plan or His timing for me right now then it’s wrong and I need to give it up. And, when we are following His lead and He is asking us to lay something aside it’s not a failure.
So today I am breathing deeply of His grace and extending that grace to myself…a place I have often found difficult to give. Tomorrow I will repeat myself and once again breathe deeply of His grace….
Join me for 31 Days of Seeking Grace
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