Have you ever had one of those moments when you think you are over something, it's in the past, been forgiven and healing has come and then wham out of no where someone hits you with a baseball bat? That was my week. From out of no where someone hit me. I was completely unprepared. I am not sure why I was so stunned.
My past was filled with hurtful words and actions from this person. Some might say that I should have expected it. But the thing is I didn't expect it because healing in the relationship had come. I had forgiven and for a couple of years we've experienced a new relationship. We had reached a place of common ground, of walking in grace and forgiveness. Or so I thought.
Her words cut deep. They hurt, and as I took my hand and rubbed over the once healed scar expecting it to be open and bleeding again I found it was still healed. The wound was healed, but the feeling of the scar caused a deep ache within. I wanted this to be over. I didn't want to be reminded again of the past betrayals. The past hurt. To be honest, this hurt knocked me to the ground. For almost 2 days I sat there stunned trying to figure out why now. Why did I give her the power to hurt again?
We all have those times don't we? Times we know healing has come or that we have moved past a hurt and yet find ourselves knocked to the ground. It's in that moment, with face to the ground, that we have a choice.
A choice. What will I do now? Will I continue laying there on the ground wallowing in self pity and hurt? Or will I allow Jesus to pick me up? One thing I know for sure is that it has to be Jesus picking me up because left on my own I would sit and nurse those old wounds. I would feel sorry for myself. My flesh is often so weak and I want to hurt them back. I want revenge. But I know truth. I know what Jesus says about forgiveness. I know what He says about loving my enemies and those who hurt me. So I give it to Him. I offer up the hurt and ask Him to help me up.
Looking at Jesus causes us to look at what HE has done not what has been done to us. When I look at Jesus I remember that I too am a sinner. I have hurt others with my words and by my actions. I have failed. I have fallen short. But He, Jesus, has forgiven me. His blood was shed so that I might walk in freedom of my sin.
When I look at the cross of Jesus and see my sin that nailed Him there and the forgiveness that was given how can I not forgive again? How can I not offer forgiveness to this person again when ALL my sins have been forgiven?
When I look at Jesus I can forgive again and continuing walking with love for my enemies and those who hurt me.
Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. Matt 18:21-22