I am not always the woman I want to be. I often fail. Forgetting who I am I react in ways that later I regret.
I let my loved one’s down. I disappoint them. There are times I say I am going to do something and don’t. It’s never on purpose, but at the same time I am not so sure I have a good excuse. To say I got too busy or totally forgot just seems inadequate.
So often I let my need of approval effect what I should do or say. I will say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Or the right thing at the wrong time. My words can be harsh. Hurtful. Judgmental.
Oh to keep my mouth shut more than I open it is my prayer!!
You may be sitting there reading this thinking “wow she’s hard on herself.” And you would be right. I have a friend who often tells me I am my own worse critic. I often will focus on my failures and weakness instead of my successes.
And when I get to the point of “going there” to that place I only see my failures and weakness it could send me into a deep dark pit. That is when I remember TRUTH.
I remember truth like Psalms 40…
And “I wait patiently for my LORD….He hears me…He brings me up out of the pit…out of the miry clay, And He sets my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God…Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders which You have done, And Your thoughts toward us; There is none to compare with You. If I would declare and speak of them, They would be too numerous to count…I delight to do Your will, O my God ; Your Law is within my heart." I have proclaimed glad tidings of righteousness in the great congregation; Behold, I will not restrain my lips, O LORD, You know.”
I pray with the Psalmist…
“I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart; I have spoken of Your faithfulness and Your salvation; I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth from the great congregation. You, O LORD, will not withhold Your compassion from me; Your lovingkindness and Your truth will continually preserve me….My iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to see; They are more numerous than the hairs of my head, And my heart has failed me. Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me; Make haste, O LORD, to help me.…Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; Let those who love Your salvation say continually, "The LORD be magnified!" Since I am afflicted and needy, Let the Lord be mindful of me. You are my help and my deliverer; Do not delay, O my God.”
I am so thankful that my God continues to work in me to create a heart that desires to be the woman He knows I am. There is work to be done in me but He will not give up on me. It is a process. Granted sometimes a long, painful process but He is faithful to complete the work. :-)
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