It’s where I have been for a couple days now. My emotions have been all over the place. Sometimes it feels like my feelings, thoughts and life are a tangled mess.
I try as hard as I can but just can’t seem to untangle the mess of emotions. It’s exhausting trying to sort out what I am suppose to feel, what is normal, and what is not.
I am suppose to be a big girl and have all this figured out. Right? Or is that another lie? Am I suppose to ask for help? But who do I ask? Who would understand? Who would really be available to sit and listen? And NOT think I was totally losing it! Who could I talk to that would know it’s just a moment. Who would give me grace and allow me a few minutes to talk out loud and then I’ll be fine? Because most of the time I just need to talk out loud.
Currently, the lies in my head say I have no one. No one that is but Jesus. (I do KNOW deep in my heart that this is another lie. Our emotions often DO lie to us!) But still I wonder, shouldn’t Jesus be enough? I mean, He IS enough. He IS all I need. He’s the only one I am suppose to really need. Right?
If that is true then why does this place feel like a place of such loneliness? Is this yet another lie? Another attempt of the enemy to try and wedge discontent between me and my God? To create a distance between me and those God has placed in my life to journey with?
It all makes me tired and it’s exhausting….and I just want to go home. To my Father. I am tired of my enemy's constant knocking on the door of my mind. Seriously, I believe my mind is the enemy's most powerful weapon against me.
Then it hits me…
The selfishness of the flesh that cries out to be noticed, to be fed. Yes I am weary of the constant onslaught of what seems like the constant battles of my mind. Wrong thinking. Emotions that want to be given into. Emotions that cry out to be felt. But they are lies that FEEL like truth.
I am weary because for this moment I have forgotten. I have forgotten truth. The truth that I know, believe and trust in.
The truth is I do not fight alone.
I have forgotten to be diligent about putting on the armor of God so that I can fight against the powers of this dark world. The evil forces of this world do not let up, they desire to destroy me.
I have forgotten that I need to stand firm with the belt of truth buckled tightly around my waist. Never should I be without it.
I have forgotten that I am to take my shield of faith up daily against the flaming arrows of the evil one.
I have forgotten that I do not fight alone but with the Lord and in His mighty power.
I have forgotten that when I am weak HE IS strong. I can run to Him and find rest, even in the midst of my struggles.Paul reminds the Ephesians in chapter 6 that they are in a battle. They are to be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. He tells them that in order to take a stand against the devils schemes they need the armor of God. They need to stand firm, be alert, and always praying.
I need the armor of God. I need to pray. I need to stand strong in His mighty power.
And then in Paul’s final sentences he tells the Ephesians that he is going to send Tychicus so that they might be encouraged. Don’t you love it?
Paul reminds them that yes, they ARE to stand firm, they ARE to wear the armor of God, they ARE to be alert and pray BUT he knows they also need the encouragement of others.
We need our brothers and sisters who can come along and encourage us when we become battle weary. To strengthen us and pray with and for us.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor 12:9-10Oh precious Father, thank you for these words of reminder. Thank you for helping me through this moment. Father forgive me for my forgetfulness and selfishness. Help me to lean on You and allow You to bring other’s into my life to encourage me. Help me to remember I don’t always have to be strong, have it all together or be perfect. For in my weaknesses You can show Your strength, Your power and Your grace.
Your words describe exactly how I currently feel. I'm absolutely exhausted from the fight. God has delivered me from this pit of despair several times now. Then before I know it I'm right back where I started again. Like Paul says, "Who can deliver me from this body of sin?"
Intellectually, I know the Bible says, There is now no condemnation for those of us in Christ Jesus. But, my feelings and the devil are constantly telling me different and it's so hard to admit that I'm stuggling all the time with these feelings of worthlessness.
Thank God for my loving husband. If it were not for his understanding and patience, I would have given up the fight. God bless him and me.
Thank you dear one for dropping by. It is such a daily battle...one we must keep fighting with truth.Delete
You are not alone. I understand.