I remember the day they were born. Holding them in my arms, I was scared to death. I had no clue how to raise a child.
Why would God give me such precious gifts? Oh how I longed to be a good godly mom! My desire was to raise godly young men.
But what did I know about godly parenting? What did I know about raising godly men? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. There was no model growing up, training that I could pull from.
As they grew older my fears would grow. Fear of failing them. Fear of losing them. And fear of ruining them.
I made mistakes. Many mistakes. I parented in fear, anger, fighting to control them. Would they understand the depths of my love? Would they understand I just wanted them to be men of God? Did they see that I didn’t have a clue what I was doing?
These two precious gifts. Amazing gifts. They taught me so much about love. Unconditional love. They taught me how to lean on my Father.They helped me realize that I couldn’t control anything in my life, I needed to surrender all to God.
As a mom I learned so much about myself. God gave them two wonderful gifts so that I might see HIM. He entrusted them to me so that I might grow up. So that I might know my God is in control and apart from resting in Him and His strength I can do nothing.
Today I am thankful that in spite of being a clueless mother God raised my sons to men that seeks God.
It took a lot of failure and mistakes on my part before I started to get any kind of clue about raising them. I still am amazed that God would use such a broken vessel.
IF it were not for God and the work He faithful did in my heart and the hearts of my sons I am certain they would be totally messed up today! But then maybe not…for God is in the business of taking lives messed up by sin, shame and failure and renewing them. He takes lives that are dead and brings them to a new life.
THANK YOU God for these two wonderful gifts. These gifts are so precious to me. I love them more than I thought was ever possible to love.
Thank you for the work you have done and you continue to do in their hearts and lives.
Thank you for the work you have done in me, because of them.