In worship today we sang I Surrender All and before I even got to the first word I wondered,
“Do I really surrender it all?
Do I freely give Him everything? Do I trust Him with my daily provisions? My health? My life?
Do I surrender to Him and bow at His feet in worship as He leads me into the desert or down into a dark valley?
Do I surrender to Him and live humbly before Him trusting that He knows my every need?
Do I surrender to His will when my life seems bereft of friends, family or love? Do I surrender to His will as He leads me to the shadows of death?”
This particular song has always caused me to pause and ask how am I in the area of surrendering my life. I mean, how can I stand and sing “I surrender all” and not ask the question, “DO I surrender it all?”
It was the last song sung before the sermon and I must admit my heart missed much of what was spoken. (good thing I can go on line and listen again!)
You see, God had my attention and He needed to speak to me. To my heart. For a year and a half I have been in a place of waiting. I don’t understand what God might be preparing me for during this time. I DO KNOW what He has been breaking my heart over. (another blog for another day)
I have often likened this time as a desert place, a place of isolation. I do feel deprived of human connections, but I know God is with me. I feel alone, not because I am without friends or those who love me. But because I hear God speaking a message to my heart that others don’t understand or want to hear. ( At least it seems that way) I don’t blame them – I am not sure I fully understand.
So I stood there this morning asking, “Sharon, do you surrender all of your life? Material wealth? Comfort? Health? Grandchildren? Sisters? Family? Friends? All your relationships? Will you surrender ALL to me?”
“If I asked you to give it all to me would you willingly surrender it?”
It’s a hard question. My immediate response is of course I would! It’s all to you I owe, so why wouldn’t I give it to you freely! But in the back of my mind I heard the question “Do you live a life that is surrendered?”
Oh Jesus all I can do it cry out to you! I want to live a life that is totally surrendered to You and Your will! I want to be able to say that I would freely give up all I have or desire and follow wherever You go.
And most days it is the cry of my heart, it does “seem” easy, but not today. Today I was struggling…
But God would not leave me to struggle there. He ended our time of worship today with Lead me to the Cross.
The cross where His blood was spilled…where everything I once held dear, everything I do hold dear…I must now count as lost.
As the song played I prayed…
Lord, Lead me to the cross where Your love poured out, bring me to my knees. Lord I lay ME down. Rid me of MYSELF, I belong to You…
Lord, Lead me to the cross… Lead me to Your Heart and help me to live a life that surrenders it ALL.