Looking Back…

looking bakcIn a mere 359 days I will be fifty. A half a century, almost gone.

Almost fifty years of life lived on this earth causes me to reflect over what’s been accomplished. Am I where I thought I would be? Have I grown into the woman I thought I might be? Do I know who I am or where I want to go from here?

Looking back…

So many seasons of my life have passed by. Some seasons seemed to go on forever, but then all too quickly it end and another begins.

Each season came with it’s own mountains to climb and valleys to walk through. There were heartbreak and heartache. Hello’s and goodbyes. Tears of joy and sorrow. There were times of betrayal, neglect, isolation, and loneliness. Alongside a new awareness of who you are and what life was all about. Each season brought new growth in my heart, mind and spirit. Some seasons I seemed to walk through bravely and confidently, others with fear and doubt.

Looking back I see that regardless of what the previous season had brought it seems we start a new season stronger, bolder, better for what had been endured. We leave one season of life prepared to walk through the next.

So with one final look back I realize that…

My life isn’t what I thought it would be. It’s better. I have found that joy and success is not in a fulfilling career, a name for myself, or pursuing the American dream. Joy and success comes from Christ. It comes from the simple things in life, like family, friends, and watching your grandchildren grow. Success comes when you can look back and see your mistakes, failures and defeats and learn from them. My life is fulfilled and surrounded by a beautiful growing family and cherished friendships.

I am not the woman I thought I might become. I am stronger, bolder, and more confident. I live with the knowledge that Christ continues to work in me to change me and mold me. I have trust, faith and security in a Father in heaven that helps me live each day.

I know who I am. I am God’s beloved child whom He loved enough to send His son to die for me so that I might live forever with Him. I am beautiful because of the Spirit of God that lives in me. I am worthy, precious and blessed because of God in me. I have been created for a purpose and all I do is to bring glory to my Father in heaven. I am a friend of God, reconciled to Him. I have been redeemed by the blood of Jesus.

I don’t know where I am going. I only can see where I have been. As I look ahead to fifty I can look with anticipation. I look with hope. Whatever is on the horizon I know it will be exciting and wondrous.

I also know that I am prepared to face the challenges that might lay before me. I am prepared, not because of anything I have done but because I know that MY GOD has prepared me in advance for whatever is coming. I know that I am able to face the future because HE IS ABLE.

No, I don’t know what the next twenty or thirty years may bring, but I do know the ONE who hold my hand as we journey together toward that day when HE calls me home. 

As I look ahead…

I pray that I would choose a life of simple obedience to God. An obedience that rejoices in His love whether WE are walking on the mountain, in the valley or wondering in the desert. I pray that I am satisfied in the small steps that He leads me in each and every day. I pray that I will take time to notice the little things in life and remember that people are far more important than getting my to do list done. I pray that I am able to die to self a little more each day so that Christ might live fully in and through me.

Can’t wait to see what God has planned next… it’s a new season. A season that will bring much growth.

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