Midnight Thoughts…

jesuscamp_narrowweb__300x400,0I lie here awake.

Thoughts wondering to places they should not go, asking questions only You can answer.

Am I enough? Does my life bring You glory? Am I the woman You want me to be?

I wonder if I am too caught up in the things of this world. Am I caught up in me and my selfish desires?

He calls me to die, willingly.

I am willing.

I want to die to my selfish desires, my needs, my wants and the things this world tells me I have a right to.

My lips say I am willing to die.

Is it truth?

Does my life live out the words my lips speak?

Many say “Do not worry! God loves you and we live under grace!”

It’s true.

He does love me. I do live in His grace. But I am still required to die. I must nail self to the cross and die.

If I do not die how can He live fully in me? When even the smallest parts of self are allowed to live there will be turmoil.

Self will make itself known. Every part of me must die.

He must live fully in me. He desires all of me. He will not be satisfied with only the parts I lay down, He requires total surrender. He requires me to lay down every part of me. It must be sacrificed in order to be a pleasing aroma to Him.

Oh Jesus if only it could be a once and done nailing of self to the cross. If self would just die for good! Here, on earth it is a daily sacrifice, a daily willingness to lay down self.  A daily choosing to die and follow You.

I am so weak…You are strong…Your grace is sufficient.

My Prayer: Give me a true willingness to die to all that I desire so that Your desires from me are my desires. Help me to remember to choose each day to nail self, my flesh, to the cross and allow you to live through me. I want to fully live a life that is pleasing to you, that brings glory and honor to you.

I must decrease….You, Jesus, MUST increase in my life.

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