I know you loved me. I know I was your precious little girl. I know you loved God and you were teaching us about Him, taking us to church. I know one day I will see you in heaven.
It's hard for a girl to grow up without her dad. So many thoughts, emotions and deep sorrow that surround that day. One thing I have learned about loss and sorrow is that the intensity of our loss does fade but we still have moments of great sadness. We still feel the loss of the one that was loved.
I think the hardest part of grief is the longing of what might have been if that person was still with you. Those big moments in life that would have been shared and celebrated together.
I have wondered often what life might have been like had my daddy lived to see me on that first day of school.
What would he have said to me on the day that I entered high school...or the moment that first boy had a crush on me?
Would he have been proud of me the day I walked across the stage to get my diploma?
My wedding day- I missed him so much! In fact I think I was completely unprepared for the deep longing and sadness in my heart that day.
You would have been so proud to hold your grandsons. Oh the joy that would have been on your face!
Even after all these years I miss you. And I wonder how my life might have been different.
It's during these quiet moments when I am remembering and wondering that my Father in heaven speaks to me in His still small voice. It's then that He reminds me...
I am His Beloved daughter, I am precious to Him, I am the apple of His eye.
It's during these moments that I realize it's normal. It's normal to still mourn what was lost. It's normal to realize that my life might have been different had my daddy lived.
And I am reminded that it was not the life God, my Father, had planned.
Today I shout from the mountains in PRAISE to a God that is GOOD in ALL that He does. I thank Him for the gift of the five years we did have.