How Well Do You Love?

Today love means so many different things. It’s thrown around so casually. How many times in a week do I hear, "love you"? If we really believed the words you would think everyone loves everyone. It would be like we all live in one big love fest! Yet our actions often show something so different. 

As a society, and a church and as individuals I believe we have lost the ability to love as we ought. Maybe not lost, but forgotten. We lost the meaning of what it truly means to love. One simple question helps us to see this.  Do our actions back up the love we say we have for our brother’s and sister’s in Christ? Our enemies? Those who believe differently than us?

So what is love? When I go to the Word of God I am reminded of what love looks like. It is selfless. Putting others before my own desires. Love is being kind, patience and giving grace. Love forgives, is loyal and always expects the best of the other. (1 Cor 13)

Do these words describe the way I treat my brothers and sisters in the Lord? All of them? Even the ones who I might not agree with? Even the ones who have hurt me? Am I kind to those I disagree with? What about those who are different than me? Those that look different? Talk differently? Live differently? What about those who are outside the faith? Do I show them love? Do I speak in kindness? Do accept them for where they are and just show the love of Christ to them?

What of the other verses on love? Can I truly love as Christ calls me to? The answer is no. In fact as I read the below list on how I am to treat others I quickly realize just how impossible it is. I can not love like this. At least on my own. It is only through Christ that I am able.

God says that

• I am to be devoted to my brothers and sisters in Christ. He says that we are to honor others above ourselves.
• Be willing to teach and admonish one another.
• Love one another, deeply from the heart.
• We are to live in harmony with all regardless of their social status.
• We should stop passing judgment on one another.
• We are to bring praise to God by accepting one another.
• We should be united in mind and thought.
• We should be willing to serve one another.
• We need to be humble, gentle, and patient with one another.
• Be kind, compassionate and forgiving toward our brothers and sisters.
• We should have a willingness to submit to one another.
• We are to live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as family, be compassionate and humble.
• We are to offer hospitality to one another without complaining.
• Love one another....
  

(Rom 12:10,12:16,14:13; 1Co 1:10; Ga 5:13; Eph 4:2,4:32,5:21; Col 3:13,16; 1Th 5:11; Heb 10:25; 1Pe 1:22,3:8,4:9; 1John 3:11,4:12; 2John 1:5)

My love would be is selfish apart from His Holy Spirit living in me. My love is not only selfish but can be needy and demanding. I (we) often demand others to think, behave and belief as we do in order for us to love. But this is not love. In fact when I read what God says about love I realize it has NOTHING to do with me.

His kind of love is all about others. His kind of love sacrifices self.

Love is a willingness to serve, not be served. Love is about dying to my wants, needs and expectations. Love is not only saying I love you but showing it. Love is putting my plans aside to be with a friend who needs a shoulder. Love is inviting someone to dinner who may need a friend, whether or not they ever invite you to their home. Love is giving of your time and your resources to help those outside your circle of friends. Love is giving a smile, a hug, a simple touch on the arm and letting someone know you care.

Let’s stop just saying “I love you” and start showing it. And by showing it I mean showing it to the point that our gift of love is a sacrifice. After all it is the example Christ gave us of love.

Oh Jesus help me to die to self. To my expectations, my selfish desires. Help me to die to ME! I want to love deeply, sacrificially, without prejudice. I want to show love like Jesus shows life, but laying down my life for others. Oh Spirit help me to be truly willing and obedient.

Why We Need the “Older” Generation

Many years ago I remember sitting with an older woman who shared with me that she really didn’t have anything left to share with the body of Christ, except to pray. It was time to let the younger ones take over. She didn’t say it with conviction, but with a sadness of heart. A sigh. As if she had resigned herself to being “put out to pasture.”

I remember thinking how sad it was to come to that season of life and feel you have nothing to offer. I wish I would have thought to ask her why she felt that way or how she had come to that conclusion. I did however try to encourage her by saying that she still had much to offer and I for one would love to  have just half the faith she had in her God.

Today I am sitting here working on my Bible Study lesson as Beth shares, “Contrary to my expectation, the women who stood before us were not beaten down by a youth-obsessed culture nor were they gearing down for spiritual retirement. Their heads were raised high…they weren’t proud but, make no mistake, they were confident….They’d suffered too much and lived too long to pretend to the rest of us that life turns out like a Disney movie.” (Beth Moore: Children of the Day;135-36)

I am of an age that it’s easy to give into the lie that I no longer have value in the church. Too often it seems the younger generation are the movers and shakers and the older ones are being left behind or left out of the work. Maybe it’s just that I attend a church where there really are not any women over the age of 65 and the age demographics are closer to 30 to 40 something.

As I reflect on this season of my life I understand now, how and why that older woman may have felt the way she did, but I want to choose to be like the women who stood confident knowing that they had a lifetime of truth to share.

I am tired of giving into the lies that I have nothing to offer a younger generation. What better way for the enemy to lead a whole generation astray than to convince an older generation that they are not needed.

The truth is they are desperately needed. They are needed because

- they have walked through suffering, sorrow, heartbreak and come out on the other side stronger in the Lord. They can walk along side the younger generation and show the way.

- they have been successful leaders and business owners, and they have learned from their failures. They can mentor and teach from both their success and failures.

- they have raised families, buried children, prayed for the prodigal, and walked through life with a special needs child. They can help guide the younger mother.

- they have lived life in the valleys and on the mountains. They have walked through the hot humid deserts and the land of fertile soil yet still found God true to His promises.

- they have life experience which is different from book learning. This new generation has a greater opportunity for higher education, which is valuable, but books can not always teach us everything about actually living life.

- they have been in plenty and want yet have seen the faithfulness of God.

Yes I want to be an older woman that stands with confidence knowing that her God is not ready to put her out to pasture. I want to stand firm on what I know in the face of the lies and self doubt. I want to live life to the full (at least as full as this decaying body will let me) and know that while I can most certainly pray there is still so much work this older woman can do!

But the reality is, most days, I am too tempted to give into the lies that I am no longer needed….or worse…wanted.

Oh God may you speak truth into this stubborn heart of mine and help me stand firm in the knowledge that you still have a purpose in my life. As I heard someone say recently if I’m not dead then God isn’t done with me.

I still have a purpose for Your Kingdom…help me see it.

 

 

Called to Live and Preach Christ

There is a quote that has often bothered me. It just didn’t sit right in my heart. The quote is often attributed to Francis of Assisi and says “Preach the Gospel at all times. Use words if necessary.”

Quite honestly it just doesn’t make sense to me.  I mean if my neighbor sees me living my life in service to others and being a good neighbor, loving those I meet, all he will think is that I'm a nice person. He doesn’t  come to know the content of the gospel  simply by watching me live my life.

Shouldn’t  I also speak the gospel so that he will know?

So, I sat down to do some research on the quote. I wanted to know the context of the quote. Maybe the context had been distorted over the years. Interestingly enough what I found was that Francis of Assisi never said it. Read more here.

Mark Galli of Christianity Today says this about the quote, “First, no biography written within the first 200 years of his death contains the saying. It's not likely that a pithy quote like this would have been missed by his earliest disciples. Second, in his day, Francis was known as much for his preaching as for his lifestyle.”¹

I love what Jeremy Carr writes about the quote on his blog One Thing, “ While it commends us to live out the Gospel through our life, it falls short of what it means to preach the Gospel and it actually makes no sense at all. I recently heard D. A. Carson comment that it would be like telling a news reporter to "Give the news and if necessary use words." After all Gospel means good news. News is something you tell people.”

Some might say who cares who said it, after all it’s still a good statement. Maybe,  but I wouldn’t want someone to say I said something when I didn’t, or take something I said and misquote it. Would you?  I imagine not. So it is import to understand that Francis of Assisi did not say this.

But is it a good quote regardless of who said it? I really struggle with that in light of what scripture says. God’s word is very clear that we are to live out the gospel and we are to preach the gospel.
We live the gospel when we love one another. What if the body of Christ so loved one another that they actually did 1 Thess 5:11-13 and encouraged, built up, showed appreciation, encouraged the fainthearted, helped the weak, was patient, and sought what was good for one another. Wouldn’t that speak volumes to the world if they saw the church living out the gospel in such a way? So yes,  we absolutely must live out the gospel before the world.

We are also told to preach the gospel. Jesus tells the disciple to “go preach the gospel.” (Mark 16:15) and Paul says “for woe is me if I do not preach the gospel.” (1 Cor 9:16) In fact as I searched scripture (but did not do an in-depth study) it seems that the New Testament writers often preached the gospel to those outside of the body. They did not leave it up to the idea that “if I just live right before them they will know I am a believer”. No they PREACHED Jesus! (2 Cor 10:16; Rom 15:20; Mark 15:15)

A quick look at 1 John 3:18 “Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth.” John is telling us that if we speak love only with words and no actions it is not love. When taking the gospel to a dark world we need to both live and preach the gospel. It’s not one or the other. We are called to live and love as Jesus did. He IS our example.
My dear beloved, Jesus both lived and spoke the gospel. His life both showed and spoke the love of the Father. We should go and do likewise.

¹ http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/mayweb-only/120-42.0.html

Live AND Preach the Gospel

There is a quote that has often bothered me. It just didn’t quite sit right in my heart. The quote is often attributed to Francis of Assisi and says Preach the Gospel at all times. Use words if necessary.

Quite honestly it just doesn’t make sense to me.  I mean if my neighbor sees me living my life in service to others and being a good neighbor, loving those I meet, all he will think is that I'm a nice person. He won't come to know the content of the gospel by watching me live my life. Shouldn’t  I also speak the gospel so that he will know?

So, I sat down today to do some research on the quote. I wanted to know the context of the quote. Maybe the context had been distorted over the years. Interestingly enough what I found was that Francis of Assisi never said it. Read more here.

Mark Galli of Christianity Today say’s this about the quote, “First, no biography written within the first 200 years of his death contains the saying. It's not likely that a pithy quote like this would have been missed by his earliest disciples. Second, in his day, Francis was known as much for his preaching as for his lifestyle.”¹

I love what Jeremy Carr writes about the quote on his blog One Thing, “ While it commends us to live out the Gospel through our life, it falls short of what it means to preach the Gospel and it actually makes no sense at all. I recently heard D. A. Carson comment that it would be like telling a news reporter to "Give the news and if necessary use words." After all Gospel means good news. News is something you tell people.”

Some might say who cares who said it, after all it’s still a good statement. Maybe,  but I wouldn’t want someone to say I said something when I didn’t, or take something I said and misquote it. Would you?  I imagine not. So it is import to understand that Francis of Assisi did not say this.

Now to the point of whether it’s a good quote. I really struggle with that in light of what scripture says. God’s word is very clear that we are to live out the gospel and we are to preach the gospel.

We live the gospel when we love one another. What if the body of Christ so loved one another that they actually did 1 Thess 5:11-13 and encouraged, built up, showed appreciation, encouraged the fainthearted, help the weak, was patient, and sought what was good for one another. Wouldn’t that speak volumes to the world if they saw the church living out the gospel in such a way? So yes,  we absolutely must live out the gospel before the world.

We are also told to preach the gospel. Jesus tells the disciple to “go preach the gospel.” (Mark 16:15) and Paul says “for woe is me if I do not preach the gospel.” (1 Cor 9:16) In fact was I searched scripture (but did not do an in-depth study) it seems that the New Testament writers often preached the gospel to those outside of the body. They did not leave it up to the idea that “if I just live right before them they will know I am a believer”. No they PREACHED Jesus! (2 Cor 10:16; Rom 15:20; Mark 15:15)

A quick look at 1 John 3:18 “Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth.” John is telling us that if we speak love only with words and no actions it is not love. When taking the gospel to a dark world we need to both live and preach the gospel. It’s not one or the other. We are called to live and love as Jesus did. He IS our example.

My dear beloved, Jesus both lived and spoke the gospel. His life both showed and spoke the love of the Father. We should go and do likewise.

¹ http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/mayweb-only/120-42.0.html

Understanding Worship

Studying worship, what it is and what it means, has been very interesting and at times overwhelming. So while I thought I would write a weekly post on “True Worship” I am finding it impossible. One reason that it’s so difficult is that much of my earlier thoughts on worship have been wrong or not quite thought out fully. So instead of a weekly post I have decided to just post as God leads with the hope that maybe it’s bi-weekly, but don’t hold me to it.

One of the thoughts that have really challenged me is this, “We think that as long as we are worshipping the one true God rather than some false god we are worshipping properly.  We think that as long as we are worshipping the one true God it no longer matters how we worship.  We are free to express our religious devotion to God by whatever means we wish, just as long as the object of our worship is the right God.” ¹ I do not know for sure if this is what most believe, but to me it seems as if it’s the majority mindset. I mean if you attend one church after another, you will find all kinds of worship expressions.  I personally have seen  anything   from stage performances, drama, hymns, well crafted sermons, dancing to rocked-out music with smoke and flashing lights.

It all makes me wonder  “What does God desire from me?” when it comes to worship. I know worship is not about me. It is about God. I cannot stress that enough. But if I am worshipping according to “my preference” then how is this about God? Doesn’t it then become about me?

I am beginning to see, to understand, that no worship is proper worship unless it is in accordance with God’s instructions for worshipping Him.  But how do we know what true worship is? Are we  free to make up any approach we wish to worship? Does God specify a way to worship?

I don’t know about you but I desire to worship God in a way that brings Him glory, in a way that pleases Him. I don’t want to do it a certain way just because I think it’s right, or even what the pastor or worship leader thinks.  To me it’s important to understand what God thinks in this area called worship.

Understanding worship is not simply knowing the object of who were are to worship, it is also the method of worship. 

The object of our worship is without a doubt to be God. The One True God, Jehovah, Creator of the earth. The One who created you and me in His image. We are to worship NO other image besides Him.

I can’t image that we would disagree on the object of our worship, it’s pretty black and white. The method of worship gets a bit more challenging. What I’ve already read is quite interesting and totally thought provoking and I can’t wait to to dig into what God has to say about the method of worship.

 

¹Dave Moen

Living as Light

“for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord ; walk as children of Light (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.” Eph 5:8-9

Do you live in such a way that exposes the darkness around you? Does the life you live expose sin?  Are your thoughts and actions too often that of the dark?

I love to make lists. It makes life easier to handle. It helps me see clearer. It’s no different in the word of God. I like to list things, not in a dogmatic, legalistic way, but in a way that helps me consider how I am living. It helps me see those area’s I need to work on. It helps me to understand.

Ephesians Chapter 5:1-21 is one of those passages I like to look at to see how I am doing in my spiritual walk. This passage helps me to discern the differences of one who lives in the Light compared to the one who lives in darkness.

A person who lives in the Light of Jesus Christ will be imitators of God. They will walk in love.  Their actions will show goodness, righteousness and truth. They will want to know what pleases the Lord. They will expose the darkness by the life they live.

A person of Light will be wise. They will make the most of there time. They will understand  the Lord’s will. They will not be drunk with wine, but be filled with the Spirit. Their heart will be filled with hymns, songs and singing for the Lord. They will always give thanks to God for all things.

Children of the Light (those who are follower’s of Christ) will not walk in darkness. They will not do the things those in the darkness do. Those in darkness are immoral, impure, and greedy. Their speech is filthy and they tell dirty jokes. Their words are empty and filled with lies. They are unwise and disobedient.

Those living in darkness will face the wrath of God. Those living in the Light will be a fragrant aroma just as Christ was to the Father when He gave Himself up for us as an offering and sacrifice.

Light and darkness. Black and white. There is no gray in the above. We are told to walk as children of the Light. We are not to even speak of those things of the darkness.

We want there to be gray in the above but there isn’t, although there is grace…

God’s grace living through us as Children of the Light.

In my own heart there are too many times I see darkness. I forget that I have The Light of Christ in me which overpowers all the dark. This day I pray that my Lord will help me walk in the Light. A Light that others see and in which darkness must flee.

Does Your Time Show Value?

Do the things I  do have value? Are they profitable for a life trying to live purposefully before God? I do struggle at times wondering if my life has meaning or value. Am I making a difference in other’s lives? What do the things I choose to spend time on say about what’s important to me?

Have you ever asked yourself,

“If I spend time on the computer, on Facebook, Pintrest, reading blogs and yet have no time to read His word what am I saying by my actions?”

“If I spent hours in front of the Television and yet spent no time sitting before the before God, what would you say is important to me?”

“If I have time to talk on the phone or texting and then say I have no time to pray, what is more most important to me?”

“If I run a marathon, am dedicated to exercise every day and yet do not run my spiritual race with the same dedication what is more important to me?”

“If I am so busy at work, spending hours on projects and yet do not have time to study His word, or be available for divine appointments then what do I value?”

We may say we love God and our relationship to Him is important. But how often do you and I make excuses for not having enough time to sit still. To listen. To be used in the life of another.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my time. Do I use it purposefully? Is it used for the Lord or is it selfishly wasted.

Let me make a challenge to all of us to evaluate our time on a regular basis. What does your time spent look like? If someone took at look at your time spent what would they see as most important to you? If you have enough time to do all the things that YOU feel are important and God is getting the leftovers, then what is important to you?

There are things that might seem important, or harmless, but my question would be “does it have any eternal value?”  Is it a time of encouraging others, praying for them, challenging them to grow? Id it time seeking God and what He says, who He is and what is important to Him?

He desires to spend time with you. He is waiting, so why not spend some time now reading these verses, Duet 7:7-8; Prov 8:17; Is 30:18; 1 John 4:19.

Thinking of Self Less

Currently I am reading a book called The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness by Timothy Keller and came across this little gem that pricked my heart,

"...the essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less...it means I stop connecting every experience, every conversation, with myself. In fact, I stop thinking about myself...and think of others more. "¹

I wondered “how often do I think of self in a single day”? How often do I think of others?

Can I honestly say that I think of ways to pray or encourage others more than I think of myself? To be perfectly honest I don’t like what I see. I definitely could do better.

I want a gospel-humility. I want to live my life thinking of myself less. Self often screams out to be heard, to be fed and I quickly realize how hard this will be. To live a life that does not think of self? 

I can NOT do this.  At least not on my own. It is only through Christ that I am able. But I so desperately want to change. I want to be more like Christ.

Keller says “The more we get to understand the gospel, the more we want to change.”¹ I find this to be true. Since the beginning of the year it seems that all the books I’ve read, all that God has showed me leads to one word, the Gospel. The gospel of Jesus Christ. A gospel that I need to preach to myself everyday.

I want to change. I want to allow God to go deeper into my heart in order to mold me and shape me. I pray for it and ask God to remove any pride or false humility from my life. I pray that He would lead me to a place where I think more of others and think of myself less. I want my life to be centered around the cross, Jesus and the gospel.

Oh Jesus help me to die to self. If there is any pride, false pride or false humility in my heart Jesus I ask that You remove it. Show me how to live filled up with You so that I can live with a gospel-humility attitude. Help me to die to ME!

 

 

¹ Keller, Timothy'; The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness pages 32,34

To Finish Well

In my last blog post I shared how King Asa was a king that sought the Lord. He removed idols from the kingdom and He restored the things in house of God.

I shared “…the LORD is with you when you are with Him. And if you seek Him, He will let you find Him; but if you forsake Him, He will forsake you.” (2 Chron 15:2) God was with the King. God gives Asa a reign of peace, without war. We are even told that King “…Asa's heart was blameless...” (2 Chron 15:7)

At this point you could say that King Asa was off to a good start. A life that pleases God. A life that seeks God in all he does. He was running his race and he was winning, so to speak. He was living a life of peace in the land. But if you read verse 19 of chapter 15 you see that things change in the 35th year of his reign.

Beginning in 2 Chron 16 we see that war breaks out. Now you would think that King Asa would remember that in the past God helped them defeat an army of a million men. (16:8-9) King Asa had prayed to God (16:11) for help and God answered. (16:12-15) But this time when war comes King Asa takes matters into his own hands. He doesn’t seek God’s counsel. He makes a treaty with the king of Aram.

Was he over confident in his own abilities? Had he became complacent during those 30 plus years of peace? Scripture doesn’t tell us why this change in Asa. All we know for sure is that when he was in trouble this time he relied on man (King Aram) for help. So we know something in the heart of Asa had changed. King Asa did not win this battle. God was displeased.

2 Chron 16:7 tells us “…Hanani the seer came to Asa king of Judah and said to him, "Because you have relied on the king of Aram and have not relied on the LORD your God, therefore the army of the king of Aram has escaped out of your hand.” Hanani goes on to remind Asa of the time he has sought the Lord in war and God has answered." and then says “For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His. You have acted foolishly in this. Indeed, from now on you will surely have wars” (16:9)

I don’t know about you but I like happy endings. Unfortunately King Asa didn’t finish well. He did not have a happy ending to his life. At this point King Asa could have fallen before the Lord in humility and confessed that he had sinned against God. But King Asa did not. Instead he became angry and put the seer in prison. Scripture says he was “Enraged”. He was so upset that not only did he take his anger out on the seer but he also oppressed some of the people. (16:10-11)

Because of King Asa’s actions God choose to give him a disease of his feet. 2 Chronicles says in 16:12 that the disease was severe but even in this King Asa did not seek the Lord. Instead he choose to put his trust in the physicians. Two years later King Asa would die. 

As I look at King Asa’s life I wonder about my own walk on this earth. Do I seek God’s council or man’s? Who do I most often put my trust in? My dear sisters I don’t know about you but I want to finish well. I want to come to the end of my life and know that I have finished my race. I want to know that I have ran it with endurance. (Heb 12:1) I do not want to be one that shrinks back but one that has faith to preserve. (Heb:35-39)

How can I persevere to the end? I am sure my list is NOT exhaustive but this is what came to my mind as I was reflecting on Asa’s poor finish.

God wants a heart that is completely His. 2Chron16:9 God doesn’t want bits and pieces of our lives that we are willing to give Him, He wants access to all of our life. God wants someone who seeks Him and Him alone. Our whole life belongs to Him.

Our confidence must be in God. Hebrews chapter 10:35 says Therefore don’t throw your confidence away. But then what should we place our confidence in? Hebrew 10:1-34 tells us to place our confidence in Jesus Christ whose sacrifice is sufficient for us all. Our confidence is in the power of a living God who was raised from the dead.

We need endurance. We must understand that times in this life will be hard. We WILL have struggles, trials and temptations. When we face circumstances that seem impossible we need to persevere through it in the strength of Christ. We can not run to man (or woman) but we must run to God. (Heb. 10)

Remember past victories.  Hebrews 11 gives us a long list of those who persevered in their faith. We see men and women who faced unbelievable circumstances and yet they kept there faith in the God who would deliver them. Then in Heb. 12:1a we are told “Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us…” Remember the pass victories of others and in your own life. Believe that if God worked things out before He is working things out now.

Lay aside this life. Hebrews 12:1b says “let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” I think it’s fairly self explanatory and yet not always so easily done. But we must pursue a life that lives separated from things in this world. WE must stay away from those things or people that easily distract us and ends up getting us entangled in to sin. We must lay aside our selfish desires and press on toward a life that finishes well.

Oh Father help me to run my race with endurance. Help me to lay aside those things that keep me from running a good race. Show me those places in my heart that I have held from you. Father I desire to to run a race that is pleasing to You. I want a heart that is wholly yours, a heart that seeks you and you alone. And yet I am so weak. I give in so easily to my flesh!

“O LORD, there is no one besides You to help in the battle between the powerful and those who have no strength ; so help me, O LORD my God, for I trust in You” 2 Chron 14:11

Setting The Record Straight

I must be doing it wrong!

A recent conversation has been turning over in my mind lately. The conversation went SOMETHING like this…

I was sharing with a young woman that recently I’ve really been struggling in my time with the Lord. It just seems like I am wandering without any real purpose. I spend time in the word out of obedience and a desire to know God deeper but it’s as if the passion is waning. I went on to explain that I’ve learned to fight through these times but for some reason this time it’s harder. I feel more alone…like I am fighting alone.

Her response? “Wow, that really surprises me. I thought you were strong spiritually and had it together. I thought you were passionate about the word, about God and your pursuit of Him.” She went on to say that this discouraged her because what hope did she have it I didn’t have it together!

I must admit for a moment I was speechless. It caught me a bit off guard. I then answered her saying “I must be doing something wrong if you think that I have my life together. I am not by any means falling apart, away or giving up. I’m just finding the battle at the moment hard. If anything I would hope me sharing that would encourage you. We all go through times like this but must allow it to draw us close to God. Seeking Him for answers and guidance.”

She said she understood, but since then I have wondered, “Do others think I have it together?” Do they believe that I am some “super” Christian with my life all figured out? Do I portray an attitude that I don’t suffer, doubt or struggle?

Trust me I don’t have all the answers.

I do struggle through pain and heartache. There are moments days I behave in such a manner that does not show the woman I WANT to be. I fight insecurities and wrong thinking ALL THE TIME. My life is NOT perfect. In fact I very much identify (I could have written these words they almost perfectly describe me) with Jaci Velasquez lyrics in her song “The Real Me” 

“I've got my bad days, and some are even worse
I can be a blessing and you know, I can be a curse
I tremble at rejection, I'm scared to be alone
Sometimes I may be selfish, but I always make it home

I know that I'm demanding and sometimes insecure
I think I've got the answers, but then I'm not so sure
I sometimes need attention a little more than I should
But there is a part of me that would give the whole world if I could”

I guess I would like to think that I am not any different than any other woman out there who is pursuing God. A woman who fails, yet reaches up for the hand of Jesus and keeps walking toward a life of holiness.

Can you accept me as I am knowing I am not the woman I want to be? 

Can you love me knowing that I struggle just like you do? I have the same fears, weaknesses, insecurities and doubts about myself, about life? It doesn’t mean my life is falling apart it just means I am human.

I don’t want my life to look as if I “have it all together” but I do want it to look like I am pursuing, longing and running after Jesus.

Beware of Isolation

Beware of isolation; beware of the idea that you have to develop a holy life alone. It is impossible to develop a holy life alone; you will develop into an oddity and a peculiarism, into something utterly unlike what God wants you to be. The only way to develop spiritually is to go into the society of God’s own children, and you will soon find how God alters your set. God does not contradict our social instincts; He alters them. (Oswald Chambers)

I have to be honest. It seems that I continually live a life that contradicts what I know to be true. I know what scriptures says about community. Do a quick search on the “one anothers”  in scripture and you soon realize that we are to “be devoted to one another in brotherly love” (rom 12:10a) “bear one another’s burdens,” (Gal 6:2) “encourage one another and build up one another,” (1 Thess 5:11) and we should “consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds,”. (Heb 10:24)

This is just a sample of what community should look like. It’s how Jesus expects me to live with my Christian family. I know this. I want this most days and yet I continue to live a life somewhat isolated and hidden. It’s true that often I choose isolation, in fact I prefer it on some levels. But it’s not healthy for my spirit to be separated from those that would admonish, encourage, love or stimulate me toward a holy life.

As an introvert, one concerned with the inner world, thinking, exploring my thoughts and feelings, I often find myself drained after being with large crowds of people. It’s not that I don’t like to talk to people. I would just prefer sitting one on one (or two) and go deep into conversation instead of doing the whole social chit chat. I find it hard and somewhat tiring to keep conversation on a surface level or to just talk about the weather.

I struggle with what community has seemingly become, especially in America. We run here and there with no time to sit and really talk. We ask in passing “how are you?” but we really don’t stop to listen. We show we don’t really care. You might bulk at that and say “I do care!” but actions speak louder than words. If you or I really cared we would stop and listen. We would ask deeper questions when the person says “ Oh I am fine!” We would take the time to ask if they are REALLY fine.
Even for the one who is more extroverted this can be problematic. They may be less inclined to actually feel isolated and are energized by the crowds of people, but do they have those in their life asking the deeper questions. Are they investing in one another? Are they allowing others to really know them?

At first when I began thinking about being isolated I just assumed it was an introverted problem. I mean, I know that I have great tendencies toward isolation as an introvert and it would be easy to just put the blame there. But if I am being totally honest I must also realize that I can choose to be alone because of past hurts, disappoints and rejections of those in the community.

We all have had circumstances where we have found community to be a place of judgment, gossip, critical words, envy, and filled with disagreements. We all can have tendencies toward self protection too. But this isn’t they way Christ wants us to live. Christ calls us to be engaged in community regardless of the cost to our personal comfort or protection. 

So, what do I need to do in order to re-engage into the community?

First I need to go to my Father. I need to sit at His feet and ask Him if I am holding on to any hurts from the past. Is there any anger or bitterness that I have allowed to grow? If so I need to deal with it right then and there at the foot of the cross.

Second I need to realize that I am to allow Christ to pour Himself out of me into others. I can only do this if I have first gone to Jesus to have my own needs met. It’s hard to go out into the community of believers (and non-believers) if I am looking for them to fill my needs. It then becomes about me not who I am to minister to.

It can’t be about me, even if I am feeling needy at the moment. I must lay myself aside and allow God to minister to others through me. God promises to supply ALL my needs, I do not have to go out expecting others to meet them. In His timing, in His way, through those He chooses, He will see that my needs are met. I need to trust in that. I need to rest in that.

Third, I need to stay true to myself. I need to be me. If I ask someone how they are and they walk away saying fine, I need to go after them and so “I really want to know how you are! I am available to listen or pray if you need it!”  I can’t worry about what others might think. If I really care I will ask the hard questions, it’s who I am.

Also, in a crowd of people I can try engaging with one or two people instead of feeling overwhelmed about trying to engage with everyone. Most importantly I need to realize that there will be those that do not understand and may see me as being stand-offish, or unfriendly because I don’t say hello. I can’t be bothered by what others think, I can only try to touch those God lays on my heart or puts directly in my path.
And finally, I need to be in constant prayer. I need to pray that God will in deed show me those He wants me to speak to. I need to pray that I am sensitive to the Spirits leading and that my eyes and heart would be open to see those in need of a kind word, a hug or a smile.

The bottom line is that I need to remember when I am in community I have a responsibility to be Christ with skin on to others. Not once did Jesus expect others to fill His needs. He always sought to focus on those that His Father gave Him to minister to. I need to do the same. I need to live in community focused on others and what their hearts and lives are in need of.

Oh Father, this constant needing to die to self is tiresome. Oh how I wish it was a once and done act of surrendering my life. But it’s a daily, moment by moment choice of choosing to live in accordance to Your will. Help me Father die to all that my flesh so often demands. Thank you for sending Your Son to die and set the example of a life lived in complete surrender. I want to be more like Jesus but I know I can’t until I completely give You all that I am. I need to stop trying in my own strength, in my flesh and allow you to have complete access to all my life. This is my desire…help me in those areas I lack trust. Amen.

The Lord Who Sets Me Apart

I am the LORD, who makes you holy. Ex 31:13b

Jehovah Mekoddishkem - derives from the Hebrew word qâdash meaning sanctify, holy, or dedicate. Sanctification is the separation of an object or person to the dedication of the Holy. When the two words are combined…Jehovah Mekoddishkem…it can be translated as "The Lord who sets you apart." ¹

The Lord who makes me holy, sets me apart. He sanctifies me. I love this name of God. This reminder that it is HE who calls me to be holy is the ONE who makes me holy.
Learn with me how exciting this is!! 1 Peter 2:9 tells me that I am

“a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.”
But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect. Matt 5:48

PERFECT is teleios which means to be brought to its end, finished, wanting nothing necessary to completeness

Perfect. Holy. Set apart. Sanctified. Words that seem impossible. Words that I have tried to live by. I have tried and tried to be holy, to be perfect but there is always failure. And yet, God calls me to pursue holiness. “Pursue the goal of peace along with everyone—and holiness as well, because no one will see the Lord without it.” Heb 12:14

I am to pursue holiness, because without holiness I will not see the Lord.

PURSUE is dioko which means to means to follow or press hard after, pursue with earnestness and diligence in order to obtain, to seek after eagerly, earnestly endeavor to acquire.

So does God tell me to pursue something that He knows is impossible? Is He asking me to make myself holy? Absolutely not!

His name Jehovah Mekoddishkem clearly tells me that it is my Jehovah, The Lord, who makes me holy! There is nothing I can do to be holy. 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 says “Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify (make you holy) you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.”

Did you get that? God is the one who will sanctify me! He does the work in me daily as the Spirit of God draws me toward a pursuit of holiness. It is God that sanctifies me so that I now can pursue holiness. I am sanctified through the blood of Christ, His death on the cross, and through His Spirit He continues to sanctify me.
 

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:1-2

 

Oh thank you, Thank YOU! God You not only call me to be holy as You are Holy but You have promised to do the work in me. You will perfect Your will in my life. May I willingly pursue You through Your word and Your will. May I die daily to my flesh and all things that are unholy. Thank you for making a way for me to be holy as you call me into Your holiness. Amen.

 


¹BlueBible

When Promises Are Broken

Not one of all the LORD's good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one was fulfilled. Joshua 21:45

With tears freely flowing down her face she asked me one simple question. “Why do people break their promises?”

I stood there for some time thinking and praying before I tried to answer. The question seemed simple enough and the simple answer is “Man is sinful and is unable to keep all the promises he makes.” But she needed more, her heart had deeper questions. Too many times promises had been made and broken. With each broken promise another piece of her heart would also break. She feared that soon there would be nothing left.

I sat there wondering what I could tell her. Life had all too often shown me that promises are made to be broken. In fact I decided long ago that I wouldn’t believe in promises any longer. It was easier. Less painful. I’ve even tried not making promises because I don’t want to break them. I don’t want to have to disappoint someone when I can’t do what I said I would do.

I looked into her eyes and decided to just be honest. “People do make promises they can’t keep. In most cases I do not think they mean to. I don’t think that they make a promise with the intention to not follow through. It just happens. Life gets busy and they forget.”

Her tears continued to flow. My answer wasn’t enough. Her heart still breaking she asked, “but is it just me? Do people just not like me? Do they not want to be my friend? It just seems mean to make a promise and not keep it!”

She was still young and trying hard to wrap her mind around the deep hurt she felt with a promise broken once again.

“Oh God” I cried to myself, “give me the words!”

I sat there holding her. I truly did understand the hurt. How many times have friends or family said “I promise I will….” only to forget? How many times have I done the same? We try hard to not expect so much from those we love, but when they promise it is a bit harder.

The words began to form in my heart. I spoke them aloud. “I know it hurts. It seems unfair. It may feel that they do it on purpose, but we must choose to believe that they love us. We must choose to believe it’s not intentional. Regardless of how it feels at the moment we must choose to love them by offering grace and forgiveness. We must take the hurt and disappointment to the cross.”

God understands our hurt. He understands broken promises. Man makes promises to God all the time, they promise to follow Him, to do His will only to turn away and reject Him.

So instead of looking at man, who will disappoint us, we need to look to God. For "God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent; Has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?” Numbers 23:19

We need to run to our God who never makes a promise He does not keep. In fact Psalms 145:13 says “Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.”

Psalms 91:4 tells us that “He will shield you with his wings. He will shelter you with his feathers. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” and Psalms 138:2 says “I bow before your holy Temple as I worship. I will give thanks to your name for your unfailing love and faithfulness, because your promises are backed by all the honor of your name.”

So you can trust God to keep all His promises. He is with you and will give you what you need in those moments of hurt because man has broken his promise.”

Her tears had stopped flowing as the words I spoke began to reach her heart. He countenance began to soften. There was a long silence between us as she sat there allowing God to speak into her.

Then she said, “It just hurts so bad, when someone you love so dearly breaks a promise. But you are right, if I do love them I will give them grace. And I will give them grace upon grace for it is what God does to us when we hurt Him.”

No truer words were spoken! For one so young her understanding was very mature. I saw in her face an understanding that only comes from our Father.

If we do indeed love those that occasionally hurt us then our love will meet disappointment and broken promises with God’s grace each and every time. It will not always be easy, but it is a choice. It’s a choice we can make because not only do we love the one who hurt us but even more so because we love God and desire to be obedient to Him.

Something amazing happened as these words were shared. I found that my own heart needed to hear them. I needed to be reminded that it’s a fact that people will fail me. I will fail them. But at the cross of Jesus we all find love, grace, mercy and forgiveness. And when I choose to press into Him and not the hurt He promises to meet me in the midst of it all with more of Him. He will meet me with the comfort of His Spirit.

"Now I am about to go the way of all the earth. You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the LORD your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed. Joshua 23:14

 

Lost Passion

I sat there listening intently to our pastor bring forth truth from God’s word. It was a continuation of the week before. I was eager to hear more of how the Word of God works in our lives. In my life.

He asked a question. Do you love the word of God? Are you passionate about God’s word? Do you seek to uncover the treasures hidden within as if it were the purest of gold?

Yes, YES! My heart cried.

But since then I have heard God whisper ever so gently in my heart. “Do you really? Are you still passionate about being in my word like you once were?” The question haunted me. It cut deep within as it exposed truth. The truth of a lost passion.

I had not stopped being in the word. I was and am doing my daily readings as I go through in a year, but little beyond that. I’d pick up my Bible to study only to find myself distracted and seemingly without a purpose.

What was wrong? Was there sin? Am I just being lazy? Have I just lost my desire? But why would I loose desire for that which I loved so passionately before?

My heart was grieved. I looked to God for an answer. One of the first thoughts that came to my mind was, I am not in a Bible Study. I am not studying with other like-minded women. Studying the word together with others is such an encouragement. It keeps me accountable.

Studying deep, honestly, with vulnerability was what was missing. It has been a very long time since I have had that. That must be it. It had to be it. My spirit wouldn’t let it go. You see for some time now I have “whined” before God that there are no like-minded women to study with. Not that like to study the way I do. I’ve tried leading a study, but hardly anyone comes. So I get discouraged. I am discouraged.

I’m discouraged because I am looking at me. Somewhere along the line it became about me, AGAIN! It’s so frustrating to be here again. It’s not about me and what I think or want.  I KNOW THIS!!

It’s about what God wants to do in me and through me. It’s about God’s glory and how He chooses to reveal Himself to me. It is all about God. Why do I seem to need to learn this lesson over and over again?

I can not “blame” my loss of passion on the lack of having others studying with me. My lack of passion is due to a wrong attitude in my own heart. In my heart I had begun to slip back to old patterns of thinking. I desired intimacy with others instead of God. I want heart friends, sisters that would be there for me. I wanted it to be about meeting my needs.

In the beginning it sounded good since I wanted to do it through studying His word. But the lies of our idols can sound like truth and we begin to walk into their trap before we realize the danger we are in. It started out being about God and desiring to have other’s in my life that would walk with me, but it ended up being a desire to fulfill my feelings of discouragement, loneliness and being forgotten.

So here I am today, faced with a choice. Well that’s not really true, for there is only one choice and that is returning to my Jesus. I lost passion because I began to look to others instead of Him. I began to think in my mind that I needed more than just Him and His word. It’s not true. It’s not Jesus and ______, it’s Jesus. Period. Nothing more, nothing less.

You see what I had forgotten is that I need to go Jesus first. He wants me to run to Him and His word for all that my heart desires. Yes He wants us to be in community, but only after we’ve gone to Him.

When I am filled with Jesus and the truth of His word then…

• I have the right attitude in the midst of community.
• I come in order to serve and be “Jesus with skin on”.
• I do not look to be served and it’s not about me.
• I am better equipped to discern lies from truth.
• I am able to see the idols I am turning to instead of turning to God.

So what do I need to do today? Or as our Pastor asked at the end of his sermon “What do I need to apply immediately?”

It’s simple. First, I must pray. I need to confess. Confess that I have being running after other things instead of running to Him. I need to tell God the truth of my idols and wrong attitudes.

Second, I must choose to return to God and His promises. When I begin to turn to idols I have turned away from God and have begun the walk back to Egypt and slavery, just as the Israelites did in the Old Testament. I have chosen bondage over freedom. It needs to be a daily, moment by moment choice of turning my heart to God. My heart is so easily deceived. I must never think I can just run on auto pilot.

Third, I need to be diligent and on guard constantly. The enemy does not want to see God’s children enter into the fulfillment of God’s promises. He will deceive, lie and use words that seem like to truth to keep us from a passionate pursuit of God. The enemy is good at what he does, but those who are constantly before the face of God will not be so easily led back to Egypt.

Oh dear sisters, it’s a battle isn’t it? We can not let our guards down for even a second. Our enemy is just waiting to keep us from living a life lived in the freedom of God’s Spirit.

Today I began again. I will stop and do an about face. I will go to God’s word in obedience and know that He will meet me there. I will be patient, knowing that God does indeed have a plan for me, but for now I must seek Him whole heartedly.

My passion for His word will return as I return in obedience to the pursuing of His word.

I want to close using Psalm 119:169-176 as my prayer. As you read this take note exactly what the Psalmist is asking for. May our hearts desire the same as we seek Him with greater intimacy and passion.

“May my cry come before you, O LORD; give me understanding according to your word. May my supplication come before you; deliver me according to your promise. May my lips overflow with praise, for you teach me your decrees. May my tongue sing of your word, for all your commands are righteous.  May your hand be ready to help me, for I have chosen your precepts. I long for your salvation, O LORD, and your law is my delight. Let me live that I may praise you, and may your laws sustain me. I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not forgotten your commands.”

 

It’s been awhile since I’ve linked up to the below but I know you will be blessed as you read what other’s are learning…

Refresh Me

Sometimes it’s the little things in life, the mundane, and the inconveniences of life that makes us weary. They seem to drain every ounce of energy, of good and of Him.

But God says that it is He who satisfies. It is He who refreshes our soul. May you and I take a moment today to be refreshed in His Spirit.

In His love, faithfulness, grace and strength He promises to refresh. Today I cling to this. Today I ask that God restores me. That He would refresh this weary heart of mine.

Today I thank my God that He hears and He satisfies….

When Adversity Knocks

 

 

ad·ver·si·ty -a condition marked by misfortune, calamity, or distress: an adverse or unfortunate event or circumstance.   Synonyms: catastrophe, disaster; trouble, misery, tribulation, calamity, affliction, adversity, misfortune, trial

Adversity hits everyone. If you are alive then you have, or will at some point, face trouble in your life. It comes in all different forms, from different places, at different times and for different reasons.

Some people seem to have entire seasons of adversity. Some will have a short onset of trouble that seems to pass quickly.

As I have been thinking about the role that adversity plays in our lives I have been reminded that while we have little to no control when or how it comes we do have control over how we react.

Will you (or I) allow it to destroy you/me? Will we destroy others in the process? Will it weaken us? Make us stronger? Will we choose to lash out and hurt others because we have been hurt?

My prayer is that adversity would make me more like Christ. Regardless of how or why it comes I want to react in such a way that it leaves me better for having gone through it. I also want to leave others around me better for having walked with me. I want those around me to be encouraged as they see me live through adversity.

I want my life to be a life of righteousness. To be a life that glorifies God. I want to be a child of God that welcomes the refiners fire, knowing as it  is said in Malachi 3:3 that “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness…”

I desire my character to be as such that when the refiner’s fire comes I will walk through it in a way that testifies to how big my God is. “O, Father I pray I would walk with my eyes fully on You! I pray that ‘in my day of trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me!” Ps 86:7

May this be true of me. May it be true of you. No matter whether it’s Satan asking to “sift us as wheat” (Luke 22:31), the fire of the refiner (Jer 9:7, Zech 13:9) or seemingly unfair circumstance that comes into our life may we all cry out to our Father who hears and answers us.

How will you choose to walk through adversity? Will you come through purified, leaving a sweet smelling aroma? Will you call on the name of Jesus?

Or will you allow it to harden your heart or destroy you and those around you? Will you try to handle it in your own strength and fight the battle in your own way?

I want to encourage you with the words from “Call on Jesus” by Nicole C. Mullen

But when I call on Jesus
All things are possible
I can mount on wings like eagles and soar
When I call on Jesus
Mountains are gonna fall
'Cause He'll move heaven
And earth to come rescue me when I call

Call Him in the mornin'
In the afternoon time
Late in the evenin'
He'll be there
When your heart is broken
And you feel discouraged
You can just remember that He said
He'll be there

Destroying Idols

Dear children, keep yourselves from idols. 1 Jn 5:21 (NIV)

More than anything my heart desires greater intimacy with my Father in heaven. My heart cries out for it, longs for it.

My theme, my verse for last year was Hebrews 12:1-2 and can I just say honestly that I struggled mightily with what I needed to strip off or what sin was hindering my intimacy with God. I prayed, cried out to God to show me. I wanted to know. I longed to know. There was nothing. Silence.

I would do what Hebrews said and fix my eyes on Jesus, but it wasn’t working. It wasn’t enough. Can I be honest? Can I say what many often feel but are afraid to speak? He wasn’t enough. There it’s said, it’s in black and white and as I write it I know the truth behind it. It’s a lie. A sinful lie, an idol lie.

He is enough. That is truth. I know it. I do. At least in my head and most times in my heart. And this is the crux of the issue. This is the sin that hinders. It took all year to see it, but these last couple  of weeks have been huge in opening my eyes thanks to a friend who sent me the book Idol Lies: Facing the Truth about our Deepest Desires by Dee Brestin. I am only half way through but as I’ve been reading it God has been speaking to my heart. LOUDLY. The blinders are coming off and I am seeing the truth of my idols.

God spoke loudly when I read “Every believer needs to be set free, and it begins with getting past our denial, with seeing what we really idolize, and admitting this to God and to others. We may think, for example, that our deepest desire is for God, but in reality we are running to food, friendship, or Facebook to fill up our souls. We may think that our identity is in Christ, but in reality it may be in the success of our ministry, mothering, or marriage.”(1)

My idol will not be a surprise to those who know me well. In fact as I shared with my husband he smiled with a knowing smile and confirmed what I have been feeling. Too often I look to others and other things to fill that which only God can. Instead of running to God I run to others.

I long to be loved, accepted, wanted and no person can fill those needs. Only God can. But instead of running to God I turn to anything but Him.

“God knows that the stones in our hearts are painful. They destroy relationships and ministries and keep us from experiencing Him. When He sees the stones in our hearts, He is grieved. He wants to remove them so that life can flow.” (2)

This is where I am headed. I need to allow God to destroy the idols. To expose and remove them. Therefore I will be taking a break from all social media including my blog for the month of January. It could be longer I do not know. I do know I will wait upon the Lord to show me when to return. I am giving up all these things not so much because I believe ALL of social media is an idol in my life, but I don’t want anything to tempt me or keep me from hearing from God.

I do not want my heart to be divided. I want my heart to be pure before God. This leads me to my verses for 2013.

"The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it. The world and all its people belong to him. For he laid the earth’s foundation on the seas and built it on the ocean depths. Who may climb the mountain of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? Only those whose hands and hearts are pure, who do not worship idols and never tell lies. They will receive the Lord ’s blessing and have a right relationship with God their savior. Such people may seek you and worship in your presence, O God of Jacob. Psalms 24:1-6 NLT

Even as I write this my heart wonders what you will think. Will lose “followers”? Friends? Those that I have come to know and love? But God reminds me I only need to trust Him. Trust. Why does it always come back to that. To trust Him with all my life, my relationships.

I would appreciate and welcome your prayers. And those who are friends with me around the web feel free to keep me accountable if you “see” me before February. I will still answer email, so if you need to you can contact me there.

I am so thankful for each of you and wish you a Happy New Year. See you in February.

 

(1)Brestin, Dee (2012-09-11). Idol Lies: Facing the Truth About Our Deepest Desires (p. 6). Ingram Distribution. Kindle Edition

(2)Ibid., (p. 13)

Final Reflections…

As I look back on the year 2012 I am reminded of the blessings of family, friends and an amazing God who daily chooses to pour out His grace on me. So as the year comes to a close here are a few final thoughts.

The year began with a verse. Hebrews 12:1-2. “Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I have a great cloud of witnesses. This year God reminded me of my own “cloud of witnesses”. Those who He brought into my life in order to help me grow. I was blessed by two separate visits from couples of my youth who poured spiritual life into me. It was a reminder that God had always been with me, even in the darkest hours. I began “The Women I Come From” as a result of one of their visits.

We all have those in our past who God has given to be our mothers, sisters, brothers and fathers. They have been gifts along the way. Some where along the line I had forgotten. I had forgotten the gift of those who poured into my life, my heart and pointed me toward a deeper walk with Jesus.

I am thankful to God for each of them. I am thankful that God gave my this reminder.

Let us lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles. If we just lay aside that which keeps us from pursing God  and do not fix our eyes on Jesus then we will end up entangled right back up in the same sin and distractions.

This has been harder to see. Harder to learn. Even now as my heart longs to be free from the things that distract me and threaten my intimacy with the Father I realize that there is still much to detangle from. Just recently I became painfully aware of hidden sin in my heart.

Even as my Father exposes that which breaks His heart He offers grace as He takes my hand to walk me to freedom. This walk will take me into 2013, it’s a walk I embrace no matter how difficult it may become for I desire nothing more than to follow after my God.

This past week I already sense where we may be heading next year. God has not given me a verse yet but I am sure it will be perfect and in many ways it will be a continuation of learning to endure. To endure taking an honest look at my heart and allow God to show me that which distracts and keeps me from intimacy with Him. It’s kind of like what Jacob said in Genesis 35:2 “Destroy your idols, wash yourselves, and put on clean clothing.”

It is my prayer, that God would help me to destroy the hidden idols in my heart, wash me clean of them and then replace them fully with Him.

So I prayerfully and humbly begin to look forward as I wait on God to reveal His good pleasure in my life. But before I go I thought I would share my top 10 blog post of 2012 to remind us of where we’ve traveled this year.

 

10. What is it Like being Married to You?

9. Longing to Know Him

8. Naked Prayer

7. A Grumpy Wife

6. How Should I Treat my Husband?

5. What Makes a Marriage Last?

4. What If He Doesn’t Deserve My Respect?

3. Living Purposely with Hope

2. When I am Weak He is Strong

1. A Godly Wife

Thank you all for joining me in 2012. I look forward to walking along with you in 2013.

A Prayer

 

Before the mountains were created, before you made the earth and the world, you are God, without beginning or end.

Teach me to make the most of my time, so that I may grow in wisdom. 

Satisfy me in the morning with your unfailing love, so I may sing for joy to the end of my life.

Give me gladness in proportion to my former misery!

Replace the evil years with good. Let me see your miracles again…

                                                      Psalm 90:2, 12, 14-16a

Who is Shepherding the Flock?

“I walked into church, the pews were filled with familiar faces and yet I felt like a stranger. I felt alone. Do they see me? Do they notice that I am slowly fading away?

Can they care that I sat in my room for hours last night fighting to stay alive? Fighting the desire to just end my life. I don’t know if I can go on. I don’t know if I have the strength. Where are the people who should care? Where are those that are suppose to love me?”

Jesus leaves the ninety-nine to love the one.

“It’s been two years since my husband died. I feel alone. My friends were our friends, now they keep their distance, feeling uncomfortable, unsure what to say. I wish there was a ministry for me, but I don’t feel there is a place to connect anywhere.”

Jesus leaves the ninety-nine to comfort the one.

“I have missed two month of church due to illness. I haven’t been able to drive for weeks due to car problems. No one stops in to visit me. No one has come by or called to see if I am okay. I guess I thought the body of Christ took care of their own. I though being apart of a church meant family.”

Jesus leaves the ninety-nine to care for the one.

“My husband stopped attending church with me quite some time ago. I’ve been praying that someone, the pastor or leaders might call on him to see why he stopped coming. But they don’t even ask me where he is. Do they notice? Do they care?

Is it possible for a church member to just stop coming and no one notices? Is that right? Is is it showing love? I don’t understand.”

Jesus leaves the ninety-nine to pursue the one.

"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?” Luke 15:4

Recently I have noticed a trend. I have no real statistics to back up what I am about to say, it just comes from listening and observing over the last couple of years. The conversations above come from those I’ve talked to or have come into contact with through social media.

I have many more examples I could share of those who have wondered off from church. They are both non-believers and what I call nominal believers. (those who have made a profession of faith but show no real evidence or commitment). Their church attendance has dropped and it’s likely that soon they will drift away from church altogether or find fellowship else where.

This saddens my heart. Whether we mean to or not we are sending a message to those on the peripheral that we do not care about them. Many have gone to leadership and expressed their concerns and shared their hurt only to be told they should get more involved. They are often told they don’t feel apart of the church because they have made no effort to get to know others.

This simply is not always true. Many have showed up at Bible Studies, Sunday School, Church picnic’s, retreats, and other opportunities for fellowship to sit alone and left feeling even more alone.

So they leave. They wander away. No one notices. No one pursues. If they do notice they just shrug it off and say it was their own fault for not trying.

There is One who sees. Jesus notices. Jesus sees the one who is hurting. Who needs a friend. Who needs a savior.

I’ve been asking what is my responsibility? It’s easy to say the leadership and/or pastors should pursue the one that leaves. The one who is hurting.  It’s easy to shift the responsibilities to church leadership, but I am not so sure it’s what Jesus would have me do.

Maybe I am to come away from the flock where there is safety and familiarity to pursue the one who is wandering away or about to wander away.

I understand there are those that will leave and there isn’t anything you can do to stop them. But I think about the many who leave because no one bothered to “circle around them” in order to keep them in the fold. But to circle around someone means that I we would have to move away from our comfort zone.

We would have to leave the comfort and safety of the ninety-nine. This includes pastors, leaders and those strong believers that are mature enough to leave and pursue. It’s easy for all of us to want to stay were it feels safe.

But…

Jesus calls us to pursue the one not the ninety-nine.
Jesus came to the sick not the healthy.

In my humble opinion, He is expecting us to do the same as He did. I believe He is calling us to go to those who are sick and wandering away. He would have us to pursue them.' He would have us, as individuals, to come away from the safety of "our people" and pursue those not in our circle. Be more inclusive instead of exclusive.

Matt 9":10-13 says “While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?" On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Oh Father, help me to see those that are about to leave. Those who are hurting and giving up. Help me to see Your children as You see them. Help me to understand when and how you are calling me to feed, care, love and pursue Your sheep.