It’s fear. Fear of doing it (whatever IT might be at the time) wrong. I have realized that if I don’t know how to do it right I just don’t do it. If I think I might fail or perceive that someone would do it better then I’d rather not even get involved.
I remember growing up feeling like I couldn’t do anything right. Being made to feel stupid. I wasn’t enough. There were a lot of things that played into this. Family, playmates and my own flesh. From about the age six or seven I remember knowing in my little girls heart I wasn’t good enough. I would never be enough.
I wanted to be a good girl. To be loved. Cherished. To a little girl it seemed like an impossible feat. It seemed that the harder I would try the more I would fail. All I could see were my failures.
Oh yes, I am a half glass empty kind of girl! But this month I have realized that the gospel message set me free from all that would condemn me. The gospel has set me free from the fear of failing.
I’ve actually been free of those things that condemned me long ago. I just didn’t realize it. Well I suppose I didn’t realize it in this area of my life. There are so many area’s of my life that I have been set free. I know it. I walk in it. Now in a new way, a deeper way I walk in even more freedom.
It’s a long journey, isn’t it?
I don’t have to live in fear. I do not have to live my life in fear of failing. Big news flash here – I WILL fail. I do not know how to do everything perfectly. In fact I can probably say I don’t know how to do anything perfectly. And it’s okay.
Something happened in my life a couple years ago that produced a feeling a great failure. The enemy has used it against me. I really hate that I have allowed it. But today I realize I can step out again, into ministry, into that which God has called me to do. I can step out in freedom of the fear of failure, not because I’ve learned how to do anything better. Not because in the last couple of years I have gotten a degree or gone to school. But because it’s what God has called me to do. And more than anything my heart desires to be obedient to God and live a life pleasing to Him.
I must remember I have received the fullness of His grace. (John 1:16)
I must remember His grace is sufficient in my weaknesses. (2 Cor 12:9)
I must remember God is not finished working in me. There is still much more for me to learn. (Phil 1:6)
I must remember that my adequacy comes from Christ in me. (2 Cor 3:5)
I must remember that He has equipped me in every good thing in order to do His will. (Heb 13:21)
I must remember it’s just not about me and what I can and cannot do. It’s about Him and bringing glory to His name. (Ps 115:1)
You see, the truth is I am going to fail. I am not going to do everything right. There are others who can do it better and will do it differently. But my focus must be on what God has called ME to do. I must focus on those who God places in my life in order to minister to them.
I need to live a life that is pleasing to God and not worry about the fear of man. For it is God who examines my heart and it is He who has entrusted to me a work to do. (1 Thess 2:4) For me not to do what God has called me to do is failure. Even more so, it is sin.
Today I start anew. Don’t you just love that God’s mercy is new EVERY morning?! I will place my eyes on Jesus and walk toward the purpose He has called me to. I will not fear failure. I will not fear disapproval. I will simply walk in the freedom that His grace gives me.
Surely my soul remembers And is bowed down within me. This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning ; Great is Your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul,"Therefore I have hope in Him." The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him. (Lam 3:20-25)