A Heart Saddened

I don’t know if words can adequately explain where my heart has been, or even where I have been.

Since the first of the year I have been in much pain, struggling with headaches, dizziness and vertigo. I am seeing some improvement now, we believe we know the cause. But this isn’t about me. For weeks now I have been home, quiet, sleeping, praying, listening, crying and at times I must admit I have felt sorry for myself, been lonely, depressed, discouraged and so many other emotions.
But again, really this isn’t about me.

It’s about what I have heard and seen. It’s about what I have felt around me. In the quietness of the days it’s been about what God has given me…

I have heard the cry of a people who are hurt, abandoned, afraid and who need Jesus.

I heard the cry of hundreds of precious women who have been gang raped and left for dead in the Congo.

I heard the heart break of a mother who had to make the difficult choice of telling her adult child not to come home again. She had to make that choice for the sake of her other children and her marriage.

Then hearing the cry of that child’s angry, rebellious heart continues to break my heart. But our love and prayers still pour out to her.

To know that a dear sweet friend suddenly lost her husband. A man that cherished her, watched over her, loved and adored her. A sweet, godly man who is now in heaven for which my heart can rejoice. But my heart breaks for my friend who must now learn to walk without her dearest and best friend.
Then there are those that have been on my heart who are suffering due to life illnesses, cancer, taking care of loved ones who can no longer take care of themselves. A dear friend who lives with daily constant pain that you and I could never even imagine.

Yes, in this world there will be suffering, there will be pain and heart break.
I was reminded of something this morning. If my heart is sadden by the suffering, if my heart cries out for those I love who must bear far more than I could ever imagine then my Father in heaven feels their suffering far more than I do. He sees them, He is with them, mourns with them, comforts them, holds them and sings over them.

So today I gather up all my sorrows, grief, sadness and heartbreak that I feel for my brothers and sisters in the Lord and I place them in the arms of our Father who comforts us in our time of sorrow.
And then I say…
”Father how may I help?”
“Use me to bring glory to your name.”
“Allow my life to bring others to you.”
Sometimes I wonder – “If I could take my eyes completely off me what would I see? How would I live differently?”

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