There were days when my boys were young that I was just tired and wanted to run away. I didn’t want to even hear the word “mommy”. I didn’t want to be a mother, and wondered what God was thinking when He allowed me to be a mother. I am feeling that way now – I’m tired of being a mother, fighting for her children. I am tired of being in the midst of the battle, often feeling so alone.
Just like when I did when the boys were small, I will remember that it’s not about me or my feelings. It’s about them, what’s best for them, what they need – and who they need me to be – who God expects me to be. After all, it's not like there was anyone else willing to fight for my boys and today there are so few willing to fight for our daughters, sisters and mothers. So it can’t be about me or what I am feeling, it must be about them, my spiritual daughters, it must be about God and His will, His plans, His purposes.
Today I know something I didn’t know when I was raising my boys – I am believing lies. I have a God who empowers me to do that which He has called me to do. Being called to “mother” is a blessing – a high calling. Today I know that God will enable me to rise above my flesh and do what He has called me to do.
God is doing a work in my heart this week and it’s not been very pretty or fun. (Is it ever?) I don’t like what I see, who I see. This walk is not an easy one – no one ever said it would be. In fact we are told just the opposite.
So today even though I don’t “feel” like fighting, I will rise up in confidence of who Christ says I am and believe the truth of what I KNOW. I will not give in to what I feel or the lies that the enemy would have me believe. I will stand on the truth of who Christ is and the truth of what His word says.
What I know is that God give me everything I need to do that which He has called me to do. And on days like today when I am beyond tired and I grow weary I will press in closer to my Father. I will draw from His strength and His power.
…it’s where I should have been all along.