A Sometimes Emotional Mess

It started with a simple task, to pick out a birthday card for a loved one. I saw the Mother’s Day cards were out and thought while I am here I’ll go ahead and get this out of the way. Picking out a Mother’s Day card is never easy.

As I stood there reading card after card I wondered, do mother and daughters really have the kind of relationships that are spoken of on these cards? I kept reading, trying to find just the right one. As I read I could feel my heart beginning that ever so familiar journey toward deep sadness.

I should have just paid for my birthday card and left, but no, I kept reading. I allowed myself to feel the pain, the longings and the loss once again. It was stupid I know. I had a choice and chose to “go there.” Then I allowed it to effect my entire day. Okay if I am really honest I allowed the cloud of sadness to hang around for days.

The pain, the loss, the longing of wanting something I never had is a very real emotion. It is an emotion many struggle with on various levels. I’m not always sure how to handle my emotions, whether they are right or wrong, truth or lies. I often need help sorting through them because growing up I learned to stuff emotions and not deal with them.

Now God has me on a journey toward understanding the complexities of my emotions and the gift that they are. Right now I have the deep ache of loneliness inside me. I feel very alone, forgotten even. Those feelings could send me down a spiraling descent of self pity. They could cause me to run to my friends trying to get them to fill it. But I make the choice to run to God. The deep ache in my soul right now is not sin. It is not a wrong emotion. It is only sin when we allow it to propel us to anything or anyone but God.

I am learning that God gives us the gift of emotions – even the painful side of emotions. We need to make the choice to run to Him when we are feeling lonely, forsaken, afraid, fearful, and discouraged. It is only in Him that we are given what we need.

I am confident that Jesus understands my loneliness. I am sure while on earth He also experienced feelings of isolation, being forsaken by His friends, rejected and lonely. When He experienced these emotions He went to His father and continued pursuing that which He came to do.

There are many days I want to return to that place of denying my emotions exist. I am so often tempted to stuff and pretend that I do not feel alone, but instead I choose to walk in truth.

The truth? I do feel alone in my journey at the present. I feel there is no one to listen, to share with, to process with me, to hear my heart crying. But those feelings are just that, feelings. They are lies of the enemy who would love for me to hide and return to that place of stuffing and pretending. I can make a choice to return there or go to my Father.

I choose to go to my Father and allowe Him to fill those places, to speak life into my soul. He does that through His precious word. Then and only then can I reach out to my sisters.


  1. Sharon,
    My heart often cries for the type of mother daughter relationship that I was not blessed with.

    As an adult I often got wrapped up in trying to "fix" her, "change" her. One day God really set me free from that. Jill Briscoe taught me to close my eyes in prayer. Put my hands out in front of me and imagine my mother in my arms. Then, lift my arms up to the Father and place my mom into His loving arms..., and leave her there.

    Since that day, I have trusted her into His care. He loves her far more than I do. He wants her to be whole, far more than I do. Only He can bring about the lifelong change she so desperately needs.

    For me, this has been a life saver. To visualize me turning her over to the Lord in prayer.

    Know that I am praying for you today, lovingly placing you in His arms, and trusting Him to heal your hurts and fill your empty places.

    Blessings - Lisa

  2. Sharon,

    I always get excited when I see you've posted something new. You are such a blessing to me! Thank you so much for your transparency. It encourages me when strong women in the Lord share their weak days. No test - no testimony! May God bless you for making yourself available to be used - His way.

  3. I'm sorry that you have this burden in your life. How wonderful though, that you know who to turn to in these times. As I was reading this, it struck me that although we usually speak of God as our Father, He can fill that hole in your life, that is caused by the void in that Mother/daughter relationship.

  4. Dear Sharon
    I stumble across your blog I think not by chance today. I too struggle with the same emotions as you do concerning a motherly love and the need for it. I have a good husband a two daughters and no matter how much they love you, there is still a need for Motherly love.My Mother was very young when she had so I was reverted mostly to my g-mother. She was wonderful but when she passed I was so lost because she was the only parent I knew. People just do not understand the need you have for parents. God has been so good to to send me loving family, friends and neighbors. I have located my real Father but My heavenly Father is my comfort and guide. I know God sent me here today. Thank you for your post.I hope you find comfort~
    God Bless you.

  5. amen! and I'm sorry you're hurting. though, in your hurting, you're gaining much of Christ. It's beautiful.

    I will testify, though, that yes, that kind of relationship is real. I most definitely have it with my momma.

    and because of your pain in this area, you know how much it hurts and can keep from being that source of pain to someone else...God's given you a daughter in law to be that close "mother" you haven't had.

    love you!

  6. As always... I adore your transparency and the way in which you use your words to encourage those who have felt the same way you have... God bless you, Sharon.




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