Recently God has allowed women to come across my path through this blog world that my heart bonded with because of similar life experiences. Today I sat and read the stories of two more women and my heart could not take anymore.
I sat and cried, for over an hour I cried. I cried for their pain. I cried for their loss of innocence at such early ages. I cried for the fear they felt. I cried for their aloneness. I cried for their loss of childhood. I cried for the tears they could not cry, the security they did not feel and the love they did not know.
I cried and mourned for all of the little girls who have had innocence taken from them so early in life. I mourned for those precious baby girls who would know evil in such a personal way that many will never have to know. Evil that penetrates body, soul, mind and emotions.
And then I became angry. I was angry at the evil these women have had to endure as precious little girls. At the hopelessness they have felt. I was angry at mothers who knew and yet kept their silence or didn’t believe.
As I sat there unable to sort through all the emotions of these lives I called my sister (spiritual sister). As I sat there talking with her through my tears I was able to see that while I mourned their losses, God had given me a beautiful gift. He has allowing me to mourn the losses of my childhood. I had not mourned quite like this before. This was good. This was more healing, deeper healing.
My counselor has tried to get me to go here. To admit the losses and to mourn them. She keeps telling me it's ok to mourn, but I could not or maybe the truth is I would not. But today God used two women whose stories are similar to mine to allow me to mourn. There is healing in allowing yourself to mourn.
So today I cry – I mourn for my sisters who have had so many losses along this journey and once again, on an even deeper level, I mourn for my losses.
As I sit here, tears dried, asking God how can I help? What can I do? He reminded me of a truth He spoke to me several years ago when we first began this journey toward healing,hope and freedom.
He reminded me truths from Isaiah 61:1-7 from The Message….
The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me.
He sent me to preach good news to the poor,
heal the heartbroken,
Announce freedom to all captives,
pardon all prisoners.
God sent me to announce the year of his grace—
a celebration of God's destruction of our enemies—
and to comfort all who mourn,
To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion,
give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes,
Messages of joy instead of news of doom,
a praising heart instead of a languid spirit.
Rename them "Oaks of Righteousness"
planted by God to display his glory.
They'll rebuild the old ruins,
raise a new city out of the wreckage.
They'll start over on the ruined cities,
take the rubble left behind and make it new.
You'll hire outsiders to herd your flocks
and foreigners to work your fields,
But you'll have the title "Priests of God,"
honored as ministers of our God.
You'll feast on the bounty of nations,
you'll bask in their glory.
Because you got a double dose of trouble
and more than your share of contempt,
Your inheritance in the land will be doubled
and your joy go on forever.
You'll get a brand-new name
straight from the mouth of God.
You'll be a stunning crown in the palm of God's hand,
a jeweled gold cup held high in the hand of your God.
No more will anyone call you Rejected,
and your country will no more be called Ruined.
You'll be called Hephzibah (My Delight),
and your land Beulah (Married),
Because God delights in you
and your land will be like a wedding celebration.
For as a young man marries his virgin bride,
so your builder marries you,
And as a bridegroom is happy in his bride,
so your God is happy with you.
My precious sisters, God gave me today the privilege of morning for you. My heart aches for what you have walked through. But this one thing I know, we were not alone in our abuse and pain. Our God was with us. I believe our Father in heaven mourned for our pain and cried out “you will not hurt my child and not suffer!” (see Matt 18:6-7)
I love you my sisters and I wrap my arms of love around you and I pray to our Father that he will continue the healing process in your lives as you seek HIS face.
Very touching and moving post! Wow!ReplyDelete
Thank you from the bottom of my heart dear Sister in Christ. I do not believe it was ever a coincidence that you happened across my blog because God knew we would both need each other to finish this journey. I read what you wrote and have reread it again and am still contemplating and allowing it to sink into my heart.ReplyDelete
How true...I always thought as a child when the pain and suffering was it worse and I couldn't go any further, crying out to God, I knew in my heart or always believed He was crying also. I would feel His presence and His warmth. I knew I could take on more beating. I wasn't alone...but the emotional healing takes a while. Where you are dealing with the mourning of a child...I am just now facing the anger of that child. Trying to put the anger where it truly belongs, not on me, but those that hurt us/me.
Thank you for opening up and sharing something so personal...May God bless you and keep you in His perfect peace.
Thank you for this. There are just too many of us out there and we need all the love, understanding and support we can get. My chest tightened as I read this and I could barely breath, trying not to cry myself. I'm just not there yet myself-(mourning my own loses.) It is so much easier to be angry and compassionate and empathetic for someone else. I'm in the process of writing my testimony on my blog, and my third part (comming up) is on this very painful part of my life. Please pray for the right words and that all I say will only glorify God. I have to admitt, allowing myself to go back to that place scares me emotionally. Sometimes, I'm afraid my emotions will overwhelme me and I won't be able to pull myself back from it. Anyway, thank you for taking up this advicacy of this here in bloggy land. It is neede, because there are so many- too many of us hiding in the silence of our own hurt and shame.ReplyDelete
My precious sister Sharon...my heart breaks and my heart cries and though I did not read their pain, I know it and I never have been to the repetitive pain as theirs...it is such an atrocity...but this is why Isaiah 61 is my MISSION and chosen for my header before I even began blogging, God was preparing my heart to listen.ReplyDelete
I was thinking that I would tell you that I have NO WORDS for comment, but when you wrote the words from Matthew, I had to write something, anything that I could to let you know my anger came long ago to this and it was like you after crying. I am so moved that God used this pain to walk you through your own pain that you were not able to express until HE brought you others that hurt. There is no counselor like OUR Mighty Counselor...who walks us into those pains of our past to triumph and use for His glory! To release us into His Freedom! To show us His mercy!
To touch our hurt with His healing!
To know that He felt that horror and was appalled. To allow us to mourn and let it die as we find resurrection power! To rebuild from the rubble. To offer our hands, our arms, our hearts to bring beauty and love to the ashes and wreckage!
To set that part free that is still captive! To bring good news from His anointing upon us!When we are ready, HE knows how much we can take or handle and He takes our hand and blesses our walk by discovering the Truth to lead us out of the lies we believed of ourselves or our suffering! Our Lord mourned and grieved waiting for this moment...to bring roses
instead of ashes...to plant us as
Oaks of Righteousness in His garden to awaken the smothered blossoms waiting for His Living Water to bring forth growth, and New Life! It is time to celebrate...the Year of the Lord! Praise Him for doing a new thing and completing the good He meant for each of us! Beyond the grave, there is Resurrection Power and Strength...New Life, Eternal Life...Hope for a new day & way!HIS
I am one of those you wrote about being constantly abused. I posted a blog on abusers and then the next day explained my situation and told them God could change their lives. I wrote today about my Mom's death when I was in the fourth grade. Then I came to your blog this morning and God was placing an healing ointment upon me. Thank you for allowing God to use you and I hope you will continue on your way to healing.ReplyDelete
Tiffany wrote:" Sometimes, I'm afraid my emotions will overwhelme me and I won't be able to pull myself back from it."ReplyDelete
How well I understand this. Not just with past abuse, but with other hurts throughout life that have compounded and that I have held in check...
Thank you Sharon, for sharing your heart and compassion.
hugs from J-ME