Am I sufficient?

This morning God brought to mind one of my favorite lines in the book "Prince Caspian" by CS Lewis in his series Chronicles of Narnia.

"Welcome, Prince," said Aslan. "Do you feel yourself sufficient to take up the Kingship of Narnia?"
" I-I don't think I do, Sir," said Caspian. "I'm only a kid."
"Good," said Aslan. "If you had felt yourself sufficient, it would have been proof that you were not."

There are so many times that I feel inadequate to be in ministry. To lead anyone anywhere seems a daunting task and I am not worthy to fulfill. I know God often chooses the weak, the broken, inexperienced and uneducated, I know because He has called me. But often I wonder why?

I struggle with discouragement much of the time. I have so many heart issues that God continually must bring to the surface, so I can see them and confess. Sometimes I wonder if I make a difference at all in the life of anyone. I do know the difference being in ministry has made in my life-it has been life changing and continues to be so. God continually uses ministry/leadership as a refining tool in my own heart.

When I am asked the question "do you feel qualified?" my only answer is "no, I don't think so, I am only a sinner saved by Grace, trying to become a woman after God's heart." There is so much I do not know. There is much I do not understand. I have many areas that God is requiring me to surrender. What I do know is that if God has called me, then He will have to do the work through me. I am not able to lead anyone anywhere in my own strength or because of anything I have done. I lead because of the Holy Spirit's leading in my life. I lead because I am a sinner, saved by grace, being obedient to God's call on my life.

I often think back to what Aslan said to Prince Caspian and wonder "maybe it's because I don't "feel" sufficient that God does use me." God uses me inspite of whether I feel qualified.