I don’t know what made me think I didn’t need help. But there I was six years old walking the three miles home from school. I missed my bus and instead of telling anyone I just began the journey home. We lived near the State Penitentiary and my journey took me through the work release site of the prisoners.
I don’t remember being afraid. Of course I didn’t understand all the possible dangers that lurked out there. I was confident I knew the way home. I was only about a half mile from home when a neighbor saw me, took me home and called my mother.
She had been frantic when I didn’t get off the bus. She started crying, first tears of joy then anger. I understand now that I have raised children, but at the time I didn’t see what all the fuss was about.
I remember looking at her and saying, “Momma, I am fine.” “I was almost home.” She told me I was too independent for my own good.
Too independent for my own good. That about sums up my life.
Seems I have always thought I could handle my problems on my own. I didn’t need anyone’s help. I would just figure it out myself.
That independent, figuring out how to handle life in my own way, attitude has left me with a lot of heart aches. Too many wrong choices that have scars. But it also left me with no other choice but to follow Jesus when I met Him.
My life, my choices, hadn’t been working out very well. Maybe He would know the way.
I’ve been following Him for a long time now. I wish I could say I’ve learned not to be so independent.
Too often I still think I know better. I still try to do things my own way.
I can still be too independent for my own good. But here is the beauty of it all. Here is the wonder of following the One who knows the way I should go. The One who died for my sins. He journeys with me.
He is patiently revealing my sinful independence. My “I can do this myself” attitude. It’s in this process I continue to learn to let go and trust Him. I learn to surrender my will for His will.
He continually asks me to surrender and trust those places that I cling to and as I obey I find that He provides my deepest needs.
It’s a journey, but I am following the One who knows the way home. I am learning to be dependent on the One who knows and sees the dangers that my independence can bring.
He sees my deepest need for Him and is faithful to bring whatever is needed into my life in order to remind me of my need for total surrender. For that I am grateful.
Today I am joining…