But as for me, God will redeem my life. He will snatch me from the power of death… Ps 49:15
I began writing in the spring of 1978 when I was 16. Later that fall I would accept Christ as Savior.
If you read my journals from then you would read pages a very lost girl. A girl who felt alone, unworthy, unloved, unwanted, afraid and hopeless. I often wondered on those pages if God could ever really love me. I wondered if I'd ever find real acceptance, value or love.
I wanted so desperately to believe in Him. To trust what He said in the Bible was true for ME. Over and over I would cry out to God to love me, forgive me, accept me, make me feel whole, pure and good.
I knew I was a sinner. I just wasn’t sure God could save me. Those feelings would continue even after I surrendered my life to God and accepted the gift of salvation…of grace. Even though I accepted Christ I still felt lost. I still felt unloved, afraid, hopeless and unworthy.
I realize now that I understood so very little. So much had happened prior to knowing God that I couldn't see God through any other lens other than shame. I was in bondage to wrong thinking and shame. The enemy had such a stronghold over me in those areas.
I didn’t know. I didn’t understand the full freedom that God offered me. I didn’t fully understand what it truly meant that Christ had redeemed me. HE has paid the price for my sin in full. I was no longer guilty of my sin. I no longer was condemned. I didn’t have to do anything else to make myself more worthy. It was done. Finished.
He finished it on the cross.
|I will shout for joy and sing your praises, for you have redeemed me. Psalms 71:23|
This…this is the greatest blessing. He redeemed me. He paid the price. Jesus bought me with His blood.
Amazing Grace that saved one such as me! I was lost but now am found, I was blind but now I see!
Redeeming love that so patiently and faithfully worked out everything in my life for good.
I would doubt. I still doubt. But He stands with me and reminds me of truth. He speaks truth to my heart.
When I can't see or feel His love He just continues to embrace me. His love is long-suffering.
He has been so faithful to continue the refining process, and will continue until He sees His reflection in my life.
I am so thankful that when He heard my cry HE brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He sat my feet on firm ground. He puts a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to my God! (Ps 40:1b-3a)
I am thankful that I can take refuge in God and need not be ashamed. It's His righteousness that delivers me and rescues me. I am thankful that I can hope continually in my God. I can praise Him for the mighty deeds He has done in my life! (PS 71)
He has redeemed me…I am free…I am blessed!
Thank you heavenly Father.