Today my heart has been heavy and to be honest I just didn’t want to write a post on being thankful for anything!
I've spent most the day on the verge of tears.
There has been a lot going on. Not just in my life, but those I love dearly.
It doesn’t help that my mind has been focused on self either. I hurt and don’t feel well. There are test to be done, they are an inconvenience. I don’t like them.
I’ve been missing my momma too. I want to just sit and cry on her shoulder and have her tell me it will all be okay. I want to feel her comfort, her support, her encouragement. Not just know it’s there.
Does that make sense? Am I too old to even need a mother? To need a kind of mother I never had? Is it okay that some days I still can mourn that loss?
The lies that are shouting in my mind. It’s been hard to take them captive. It is so easy for the enemy to win when my focus is on me.
When I am only thinking about me I don’t see the goodness God has given. When it’s all about me I can’t see God. I can’t see the hurt and sorrow of others.
When it’s all about me I will never feel like being thankful.
But when I look at HIM I see goodness and my heart can rejoice and be thankful for all HE has done.
So regardless of how I feel or what I think I am going to choose to finish this day rejoicing in a God that offers me grace to face the daily challenges.
I will choose to have a day that is other’s focused, not self focused. I will stand firm with a thankful heart, knowing that my God is sufficient in all things, He is sovereign, Good, Just, a Strong tower, and full of love, grace and mercy toward me.
I will be thankful to a God who understands my sorrow, my hurts, my emotions and He never gives up on me. He will never think I have totally gone crazy, lost it or have fallen. He understands those moments of weakness and His Spirit strengthens me.
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? … I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me. Ps 13:2,6