My heart is burdened. It is broken. Some days I could just sit and cry. It’s not about me. It’s what I see. God is awakening my heart to see things I have never seen before. To notice those I’ve not noticed before and to love them.
I wish I could describe the ache in my heart. I wish I could share just how much my heart longs to go sit among the homeless, the broken, the prostitute, the modern day slaves of this earth and just love them.
I want them to know they are loved. I want to hold their hand and let them know someone cares. Oh how I desire to share my Jesus with them.
But I am afraid…
I am not afraid of what you might think. I do not fear for my safety, for I know that if God has called me He will protect me.
I do not fear their possible rejection of my love for them, my compassion for them, for I know that I too once rejected love that was shown me.
No, my fear is deeper and maybe a bit more complicated than that. It’s a fear of rejection of my brother’s and sister’s in Christ. A fear they won’t understand or even try to stop me, convince me I am not called. Or maybe…they won’t think I can…
Oh yes! How I understand the lies of the enemy… but I have made mistakes before. I have taken the wrong road, so this time I must be certain.
I must know it’s God calling…
As I was reflecting on this place I am in I heard the below song. While the song is more about someone losing their way and trying to find their way back home to God I still think it fits. My faith is not gone and I have not lost my way. At least where my relationship with God in concerned.
I do feel as if I have lost sight of the purposes that God has for my life.
I am at a place where I fear to step out and move in the direction that God is breaking my heart. Am I where He wants me? Do I stay..do I move?
The chorus so adequately shares the prayer of my heart.
“Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying to find my way
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without you
I've got nothing without you”