Over the last several days I have been in a place that is very familiar and yet I realized I no longer wanted to go here. But what was here? And how did I come about these feelings of being very sad, almost lost. Why did I feel so…”what is it God?” “What is this feeling that I know so well and yet unidentifiable?” “God I need you to show me because if I don’t get to the root of it I will continue to return to this place of bad feelings, of sadness, of feeling insecure.”
That was it!!! I have been feeling SO insecure about everything. But why? Where was my insecurities coming from?
Insecurity is the lack of feeling safe. It’s a feeling of not being “good enough”. It’s the fear of being discovered as inadequate. It’s a perception of life that is unpredictable with most of the expectations you have to meet not clearly understood. It’s a sense of lacking support or reinforcement. Insecurity is living with a sense of being unaccepted, disapproved or rejected. It’s an inner turmoil coming from a lack of direction or bewilderment as to where you are going, what your goals are and what responses are appropriate for events in life. (www.livestrong.com)
As I read the above description of being insecure I thought “wow that is really me at the moment.” I have lived in a place in the last year where I haven’t always felt I knew what was expected of me. I often do feel as if no matter what I do it’s just not good enough, that I am inadequate and every mistake or failure would reinforce that belief.
But why? I mean, these are LIES. So why would I believe them? Why would I entertain them in my mind? The more I allow my thoughts to go here the more my life and actions will live out these beliefs.
I need to face the lies.
What are these thoughts that go through my mind? As I pray, and seek I realize that these lies of insecurity are thoughts effect several areas of life.
In my work I feel as if “I can never accomplish the task facing me. Everybody is just waiting for me to make a fool of myself. No one could ever like, respect or accept me.I failed them in the past; therefore, I am a failure today. Once a failure, always a failure.Why would anyone care to hear what I say, how I feel or what I think?”
In my relationships I often feel that “No one really cares about me. I don't deserve to be treated nicely. I don’t trust my ability to retain someone's love for a long period of time. I deserve to be rejected. There is something wrong with me and when you see it you will reject me.”
In some form or another these are the thoughts that will often plague my mind at various times in my life.
Where do the lies come from?
Many face feelings of insecurity because of the lack of feeling safe growing up. They were made to feel bad about themselves, not hearing words of encouragement, love or assurance from those placed over them. Their mistakes were pointed out constantly. An insecure person may have grown up with unrealistic lists of rules and expectations that weren’t always defined and they were made to feel they could never attain them.
As a mature believer in Christ I can see these are lies and are not true of what Christ says about me and yet, why do I so often live in this kind of belief system?
Many of us, including myself, have not always understood that the lies told us in the past still influence how we think and live TODAY. The enemy understands this all to well and will use it against us every time. He will remind us of past lies told, past failures and unless we fight this assault on our minds we will forever live a life of feeling insecure.
So what now?
I need, (we all need) to go to the source of truth. What does God’s WORD say? What does He say about a lack of self confidence or a fear of rejection? What does God have to say about failure or feelings of not being worthy to love?
I can’t possibly list all the truths to speak into these lies so I am going to trust that if you struggle with any of these that you WILL GO to God’s word and see for yourself what God says. Then once you find those truths take up the word and USE IT against the enemy.
For example when I start to believe that I am not worthy to love or that I deserve to be rejected I can speak what I know God says. He says “He loves me with and everlasting love and that He has drawn me with lovingkindness” (Jer 31:3) That I am His BELOVED…even when I was NOT BELOVED. (Rom 9:25) That means that when I was unlovely, and in sin God CHOSE to love me and NOTHING can separate me from the love of God. (Rom 8)
Oh my dear sisters, be willing to face your insecurities, name them, speak truth into them and then keep speaking truth. The fact is other people may say things or do things that make me feel insecure at times but it does not have to have any power over our feelings or thoughts if we hold them up to what God says.
You see when I have a proper view of myself through the eyes of God, when I am able to speak God’s truth, then I am also able to speak truth into the situation. For example if I am feeling that a dear sister is distancing herself, or upset with me, or whatever… then I can be confident in God’s truth of who I am and then go to her with my feelings of insecurity if I need to.
Sisters, let’s stop allowing our insecurities to keep us from relationships that God desires us to have in our lives. Fight for them, fight the lies of the enemy. Speak the truth of God to yourself.